"7 Weirdest Movies Ever!"

That'll Teach Me
Yes, I surrendered to the clickbait title and went a-looking at "Answers" and the link above, which demonstrates how Conrad's curiosity can overcome his caution.  If you're not familiar with "Answers", congratulations.  It takes three webpages to mention a single article, the content being in a tiny box mid-screen whilst all around adverts and film clips load up.  Frequently the photograph used in the link isn't used in the article.
     Anyway, let me list these supposedly weird films, so that you don't have to go and suffer the question of Answers.

I like this devil - dog?  cat?  marmoset?

     1)  "Hausu".  Japanese.  Description makes it sound bland and uninteresting, like underdone bread.  Not going to watch.
     2)  "El Topo".  Already aware of this, one of Jodorowsky's.  Seems interesting.  May watch.

Bat-poop crazy

     3)  "Un Chien Andalou".  The one that begins with slicing an eyeball open.  Sounds pretentious.  Also black and white.  Not Conrad's cup of tea.
     4)  "The Hourglass Sanitorium".  Never heard of it.  Sounds like a pet film of the author.  Not going to watch.
     5)  "Rubber".  Now this actually sounds interesting - a telepathic killer car tyre and its rampage of death and destruction.  Will probably watch.
     6)  "Freaks".  Tod Browning's legendary 1936 film.  Banned for an age.  A bit of a downer, in Conrad's opinion.  Also another in black and white.  Not going to watch.

Much more my cup of tea

       7)  "Boxing Helena".  What can you do with a limbless woman shut in a box?  In cinematic terms, thanks.  Not going to watch.

Conrad's Noms For Weird Films
Caution!  Some of these might make your brain hurt and your eyes bleed.
     1)  Anything by Jan Svankmajer.  This guy is Czech and looks like Jeremy Corbyn's dad. His films are usually 3D animations, and are both funny and scary at the same time, like Gunnery Sergeant Hartman.

Jan.
I'm not wrong about the Corbyn bit, am I?

     2) "Being John Malkovitch" in which an unemployed puppeteer discovers a doorway that leads into John's mind, allowing him to be controlled until his mind spits out the interloper, and how the puppeteer builds a career on this.
     3)  "Zabriskie Point" which is a kind of paean to the end of the Hippy era.  A possible murder, Rod Taylor, carnality in the dust and lots of things randomly exploding.

Blowing up books?  This is APPALLING!
And random.

     4)  "The Thirteenth Floor" SPOILER! in which the apparently sentient people living in a 30's-set world are actually part of a virtual reality world, being run and monitored from the real world, except the real world, it turns out, is another virtual reality.  The battle between actuality and virtuality*.
     5)  "Tomorrow I'll Be Scalding Myself With Tea" which is a Czech science-fiction comedy from the Seventies, about time-travel and twin brothers and ancient Nazis.  Rather black humour in places, but funny for all that.

Which is the Nazi stooge?  Only you can tell!

     6)   "Urotsukidoji: Legend of the Overfiend" which is definitely an 18, being Japanese and rather pervy at points.  It concerns the Overfiend - you might have guessed that - appearing in our world and destroying it, with a bunch of sex and violence along the way.  I think.  It's been a while.

Nothing to do with "Urotsukidoji"
You may have guessed this already.

     7)  I can't remember the name of this one!  Hang on <Googles> "Rarg"  A cartoon short, the inhabitants of the world of Rarg discover that they are in fact simply the products of a man's dream.  They therefore create a portal into the real world, abduct him and bring him back to Rarg, where he will never wake up.  The battle between actuality and virtuality*.  Except that he dreams of flamingos and everyone turns into a flamingo.  Good job it wasn't a nightmare about slugs, eh?

Well.  That's probably boosted the word count a bit.  I do apologise, I really didn't mean to babble on quite so much.  Quick, nurse, a picture!

Ah.  Not A Tiger
I had my mind set on a pun elaborated with a bottle of Tiger beer, except when I got home I'd bought this stuff - 

     So, naturally we have to pair this with:

     - hang on - that's no hen - RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!  IT'S CLARISSA THE CANNIBAL COMBAT CHICKEN!

"What's That?" Asked Tom
 - because your gifted author** had produced his latest copy of "The Journal", viz:

     - at the dining table during lunch.  I displayed the front cover and informed that I was a member, and that Pete Jones is the current (emergency!) editor, doing a splendid job too.  Tom asked a few of the usual questions about rules; Javed opined that he preferred computer games.
     Conrad pointed out that computer games steal your life away before you know it, whereas with a wargame you have actual, concrete items to hold in your hot sweaty paws.  The battle between actuality and virtuality*.

"Black Knights" By Oliver Poole
We have reached the point where the American invasion of Iraq is proving to be a completely one-sided affair, with a loss ratio so disproportionate that Max Hastings*** made a comment comparing the combat with that of 14th Century knights in armour, chopping down the peasantry.
     Well, Max!  I have just three words for you: Crecy, Poitiers and Agincourt.
     NO!  I''m not going to do your homework for you.
     Oh alright apparently I am:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Cr%C3%A9cy
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Poitiers
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Agincourt

Close enough

     And there we have gone well over the word limit.  When I had so much more to offer!  There was the Livens Projector, and Just Cause, and Ian leaving, and -


Maybe tomorrow.


* If I throw this in often enough, it may become funny.
** If I don't flatter me like this, nobody else will.
*** Who is a hack, frankly.