- with the utterly different Atomic-Death Weasel Ninjas, nor the Ninja Weasels of Atomic-Death -
Oh dear.
Today's Intro was going to be so different, in a blatantly insincere manner, kicking off the daily post with an attempt to placate, if not entirely divert, the long and eager electronic noses of MI5, UNIT and the CIA. Perhaps even the FSB, as I keep banging on about Russian missile bases. So, no scrivel about atom-bombing the Moon (Ha! Take that, Moon!), just lovely fluffy bunnies.
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| Er - |
Okay, let's try again, shall we, Art? A picture of gambolling lambs -
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| Ah. Well, at least they're not zombies. |
LAMBS, Art, LAMBS!
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| Facepalm |
Damn. Also Dog Buns. Apparently the editorial staff (i.e. me) are too set in our ways to adapt and survive.
| Ha! Take that, Moon! |
The Metro And News
Sigh. Conrad normally takes great relish in beating this prose comic over the metaphorical head with a baseball bat. One with big rusty iron studs. Normally. However, it is an undeniable truth that when it acts like a proper newspaper, things are bad. BAD. Like today's title "Desaster Zone" about the devastating floods in the north.
Now, I ask you, is that kind of punnery appropriate?
NO! Where's that baseball bat?
I can't find it. Have to be a metaphorical atom bomb instead.
This just in - blog hits reach the 21,000 mark, which is good news unless it's one person visiting 21,000 times.
Doctor Who: Hell Bent
Note the importance of punctuation here. If that had been "Hell, Bent" then Satan would have cause to be worried. Instead, Stan is worried. Stan Rassilon, since you asked - but I get ahead of myself.
Why do I get the feeling that this two-parter was an elaborate set-up for a spin-off? I refer you, of course, to the earlier example of "K9 And Company"*.
We begin in a diner with Clara, Miss Smug Gums herself, back from the dead**. The Doctor plays guitar, and you can see his fingers faithfully fingering the frets.
| "I'm from Space Glasgow" |
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| I don't have time for a screenshot. There's the Doctor, there's a guitar, use your imagination |
Anyway, here the Doctor is, on Gallifrey, where he essentially stages a coup and gets rid of Rassilon - not bad for a mere 20 minutes. He then proceeds to use the painful-sounding "Extraction Chamber" to rescue Clara, because wibble wibble Officer Dibble. Then we get to see a Time Lord transforming into a Time Lady, which fans have been pleading for since the Eighties, the only drawback being that the Time Lord had to kind of - die first.
O well. Eggs and omelettes, you know.
There then follows a bit of chasing about up and down corridors in a quarry*** in the basement, which is the Matrix, and something about My Girl And Me - hard to follow what was going on at this stage. Anyway, the Doctor faints, the big girl, and forgets all about Clara^ because bimble bimble I've got a thimble.
Also, "Space Glasgow" is funny.
"Adopt A Snow Leopard" Said The Television Advert
Why? What's in it for me? Conrad not keen on soft toys and if he spends money likes to have something concrete to hold in his horrid mercenary mitts.
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| Dog Buns! Is nothing reverent and sacred? Adopting adverts infest Doctor Who Adventures |
"Adopt a polar bear" suggested an advert at the next advertising break.
Certainly not! They're extremely dangerous and I don't want them anywhere near my precious skin. Remember "Fortitude"? All that was left was an arm.
Television Channel Programming: "Emerald Dies One Day Special"
Is this the product of a Random Word Generator? As it seems to possess little connection with either reality or grammar. I mean, parse the thing. Emerald, being a gemstone, is not alive in any sense of the word, so it can't die. Since it can't die, it isn't going to expire one day, not now nor in the future. Plus, celebrating the death of anyone, even a non-mortal gemstone, is in poor taste^^.
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| An emerald ash borer |
ATOMIC DEATH!
Sorry for the uppercase, yet it seemed appropriate. Whilst looking for a picture that might illustrate Sonic Death Monkey Atomic Death Ninja Weasels, Conrad came across this:
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| A Scientific Thiller! So much better than a mere Thriller! Because it has - er - science. Or something |
What's going on in this picture? Are there three Atomic Death rays converging on his head, turning it into day-glo? (Which would save on torch batteries). Or is his head shooting out death rays at random? In which case "NO! You cannot use the staff lift!"
And - is it just me, or does Atomic Death look more like a bad case of migraine than a terminal condition?
* O alright, "The Sarah Jane Adventures" too. Happy now?
** Booo!
*** Sorry. Old stereotypes die hard.
^ Hoorah!
^^ True. Watch The Metro pick this one and run with it.
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