Great Horned Toads!

I Refer, Of Course, To Looney Tune's "Yosemite Sam"
Sam was always shouting this when he got annoyed, because, as any fule kno, you can't have genuine cussin' and swearin' in a kid's cartoon. 

Sam.  Shortchanged on legs.

      Also, Warner Bros. Looney Tunes were far, far funnier than Disney, which didn't actually produce an amusing cartoon until "Bonkers" in the Nineties.  I will defend this position with lethal force if necessary!  Don't think that a white flag and hands in -
     - oh dear, gone off on a tangent again.  I brought in the Horned Toads because I feel as if on the horns of a dilemma, in terms of recent posts being all sweetness, fairy dust, light and eco-friendly detergent.  You see, Conrad did not expect much in terms of traffic today - it is, after all, Christmas Day, and it's not too much of a stretch to imagine people visiting families, cooking turkeys, pulling crackers and variously diverting themselves.

"Who you calling a toad?"

     NOT spending time perusing on-line scrivel.
     And yet - traffic hits today are 89 so far, one of the biggest totals yet.  
     Here's the dilemma: is the Charm Offensive working?  Does cutting out atom bombs and zombies bring in the visitors?  Or do I still need to atom-bomb the Moon to ensure all those security agencies keep track of my sinister intentions?
     I'll let you know ...

More Of The Christmas Theme
You may be aware that Conrad is a big fan of Eels, and has been for lo, these many years.  It has to be said that their songs - courtesy Mark Oliver Everett - are not exactly jolly anthems of laughter looking on the bright side of life.  No.  
     However, they do occasionally throw up a tune that undercuts their relentlessly gloomy image, as with this charming little ditty:

Mr E.  His beard gets a separate artistic credit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0G7Cs5fQKk

     Also, Mr E. is quite the amusing MC in between songs when playing live, quite undercutting his image.  Just for your information.

You What?
And, in keeping with this time of year and tradition, the Foobs come up with not one but two Suggested Posts of staggeringly inept in-applicability.  Take this one -

10 things, eh?

     "10 things you didn't know your Android could do."
     I see.  I take it we are referring to an Android phone, are we*?  In which case GET OUT OF HERE!  Conrad detests mobile phones with a passion - in fact he regrets that communications technology ever superceded tin cans connected by string - and not only does not know what the Android phone can do, but DOES NOT CARE!
     Then there is idiot Suggested Post the second:

King Casinos?  Really?

     Given that Conrad is a tight-fisted miser who keeps hold of his money at all times, the idea of him gambling it away is ludicrous.  How on earth the Foobs thought this was relevant is beyond me, as is the suggestion that gambling is "The true spirit of Christmas" when plainly it is not.  How many families get together over a roulette wheel to celebrate by losing their children's university fund?
     BAH!

Conrad - Sharp-Eyed And Pedantic**
I spotted a particular photograph on the Beeb yesterday and, as I am an anorak of no small dimensions, took a screenshot and went off to check up on it.  The picture in question:

"What is that gun?" I wondered

     It didn't appear to belong to the AK47 clones that I am familiar with as the weapon of choice of the Chinese People's Army.   And it isn't.  My "Janes Guns Recognition Guide" informs that it is the Type 95, so-called because it began production in 1995.  Art?

No!  Damn it, Art, do you -

Better.  You see,  Art, you can do it if you try.
Also, next time I Tazer first and shout after

     Clearly visible here is the "bullpup" design, where the magazine is behind the trigger assembly.  This means a compact weapon that still has a relatively long barrel.
     It's also chambered in an odd 4.8 m.m. calibre, but that's getting a bit technical -

Despondent Doggeh
Conrad stood guard over Edna this afternoon, ensuring that she didn't get left alone for over 5 hours.  Consequently I missed the traditional Christmas day buffet with flocks of relatives <sad face>
     Edna also displayed a sad face, since I was sat typing, not paying attention to her.

Sulking and refusing to look at the camera.

     I did redeem myself in her eyes by taking her on a walk.  A walk in the cold, damp, wet December afternoon, which earns me at least 150,000 brownie points.

I'm not going to continue here as I've already racked up 800 words in what was supposed to be a short blurb about Christmas Day.  I may post tomorrow about presents and shizzle.  In the meantime, Peace And Goodwill, dudes!



*  A real android would be way cool.  Possibly sinister as well, but definitely cool.
** A winning combination!