Are The Poles Still Reading This?

They Are?
Then Dzjen Dobrie!  Which is Polish for "Hello there, invite your friends.  Some of your friends," as the fantastic increase in traffic over Christmas was, to be frank, rather un-nerving.
     Anyway, I can reinforce how wonderful Poland is, because part of my shopping tonight was Polish,  to wit:

That's the cat - polishing off it's food.
Hilarious, eh?

     You have "Warka" beer, which is mighty stuff and only £1.60 a tin, pickled gherkins, Tyskie lager, more Warka and, balanced on the pickles, Boczek, which seems to be a massive cake of smoked bacon.  Note the "smoked" as this will keep Wonder Wifey's gripping hands off it.  She can't stand smoked stuff, which is tragic, because Conrad loves loves loves smoked stuff.

Polish Film Posters
Conrad can't recollect where he first read about the Polish film poster genre - IMDB?  Empire? Premiere? - but they are all designed with one or two criteria in mind:  a)  They have to be weird or b) They have to be scary. Occasionally frequently both at once.
     I'll prove my point by merely Googling "Polish film posters" and illustrating the results:

What the hell?
Actually if you check out the cast list, this is "Alien"

Next!

Shelley Duvall, horror icon.
Not four words you'd ever normally put together

And -

The Terminator, of course.
Made even more sinister by Pink.

Plus -

I have no idea. None

Then -

Ouch!

     Go ahead, entertain yourselves on Google, but don't say you weren't warned.
     Poland, crossroads between East and West, Slav and Teuton, Orthodox and extremely un-orthodox.

More Of Birds
The high winds this morning have suppressed most of our relentlessly cheerful avian compatriots, which in Conrad's eyes is a good thing, as having mocking birdcall echo in your ears at the start of a grim grey day smacks too much of calculated insult.  What they heck have they got to be so cheerful about?

Blackbird:  GOOD Morning!
Thrush:  Good MORNING!
BB: A touch windy today.
T: Yes, it makes Fatty's hair fly around amusingly at the bus stop.
BB: Please, don't mention Fatty and wind together.
T: Suffers from flatus, does he?
BB: O Lord aloft, does he ever! Yesterday he sounded like a saxophone.
T: Ah yes, human digestion*. What had he been eating?
BB: From the stench, nuclear fuel rods.
T:  I say!
BB: Used ones, of course, used ones!
STARLING:  Cor him again!  I was at an upstairs window and -

 - then the bus came.

Still No Metro
A mixed blessing.  The critic's equivalent of shooting fish in a barrel, although why you would spend hundreds of pounds and have to be grilled by the Chief Constable when you could simply pull out the bung is beyond me.
     So, no headlines about obscure single-name celebrities whom your gifted author has never heard of, has no interest in and would like never to be bothered by.  Ta.

Eyes Bigger Than Resolve
Conrad bought this keg of rather nice beer an hour ago, before pausing as he loaded it into the boot of the Murdermobile.

With a can for scale

     "Hang on," I muttered to myself, which has to be done in a low voice or you frighten people.  "I'm going sober for January.  I cannot possibly drink all this tonight and tomorrow night, not when there's also WARKA!** and the Tiskie and a few cans of Old Clever Hen.  Plus some of Sal and Tom's Goblin brew is left."
     Now, having put it down in print that I'm going sober until 6 p.m. Saturday the 30th of January, believe me Conrad is going to stick to it, so this keg will have to be a rather heavy paperweight for some weeks to come.

The Mars Volta
No apologies for banging on about this lot again.  How can you not love a band who use the word "Obloquy" in a lyric***?

Cedric the wordsmith at right

     Or "Under the aegis of cognition"?  A trifle more sophisticated than One Direction whom Conrad boldly asserts are still at the "See Jane.  See Dick.  See Jane and Dick" stage and who have to put a finger under each word as they speak.
     Cedric, however, loves to muck around with language and words, which - recall this is BOOJUM! home to every terrible pun under the sun - means both thumbs up.

Posting a bit late tonight as I was on the late shift, then got the shaft from First Bus, and as mentioned in passing above had to do the weekly shop two days early. However, thanks to my voluminous notes we have hammered this lot out in a mere 40 minutes.  You may not be able to rush perfection but you can certainly speed up scrivel.

Chin chin!

*  Little do they know ...
** I just feel this should be shouted like a warcry.  "Look out, it's the Polish Winged Hussars and they're shrieking WARKA!"
*** It means to strongly criticise