The "Enterprise" Is Telling Lies

Well It Is!
You can't tell me this thing will strike terror into the hearts of the Ferengi, let alone the Roumlans or the Borg.  No way.  Uh-uh.

You have to concede my point

     Nor is that all.  There's also the question of the crew.

Pretty.  But not dangerous

     If these preening pampered popinjays* had to go toe-to-toe with the Cardassians or the Klingons, they'd be dogfood in seconds flat.  Can you imagine it?  There they are, wielding their flintlock pistols and waggling swords around - apart from Troi, she's too weak for a sword and only gets a dagger - and they get picked off from a mile away by blaster/phaser/sonic annihilator.
     Oooh, I feel better after that rant!  Now, on with the motley!

Say Hello To My Not-So-Little Friend
I did mention the Coincidence Hydra yesterday, a metaphorical creature that emerges from the depths of causality to bite Conrad on the bum at least once per day.

Hydrangea.  Close enough.

NO! No it isn't, Art, you coal-chewing cretin - I warn you, the Tazer is right

Ah!  Better!

    "Regale us, Conrad," I can hear you calling**, "In your own inimitable way, about how coincidence converged chronologically upon you."
     Recall yesterday, if you will.  I kicked off the article about the Great British Bake Off by mentioning "runcible spoons".
     What did Wonder Wifey bring back from the Magic Shop in Ashton?

The middle one

     Why, naught but a runcible spoon!

"Vineland" By Thomas Pynchon
I've only read a few pages of this today, so the reality-bending effects haven't had a chance to take place***.  I did make a couple of notes yesterday, waiting for my haircut.  For example, what is "WPA"?  Mentioned without explanation, as if folks should know what it is.  As with "C.A.M.P." and "V.F.R.".
     Conrad, as you well know, is a pedant who enjoys reading the ingredients list on the back of lemonade bottles, so if Tom thought I wouldn't check up he is sadly mistaken.
     WPA = "Works Project Administration" - this was a US initiative to have the unemployed carry out construction of public works - roads, parks, dams or bridges - in return for a subsistence wage, back in the 1930's.
     CAMP = Campaign Against Marijuana Production.  A multi-agency task force that detected and destroyed marijuana crops in California, using lots of aircraft for spotting, which leads to -
     VFR = Visual Flight Rules -

There you are, VFR

     I am glad to have discovered a Wiki that analyses the works of TP, because there's a very peculiar passage on Page 268, where Frenesi hears tiny voices talking about card playing, coming from the nostrils of her sleeping lover;  when she attempts to investigate the creatures responsible vanish, leaving behind tiny playing cards that she inadvertently sneezes away.  TP finishes by saying that she'd heard the " - famous worms of song".
     What?

My New best friend

     Thankfully the Wiki explains that there is a famous children's song in America, going something like "The worms creep in, the worms creep out, the worms play pinochle^ on your snout."
     There.  So much clearer!

I See Where The Catch Is -
Please pay attention to the advert, not the large drunken bloke lying on a sofa in a karaoke parlour:
    

To the right, please.
"Get a new boiler for as little as £7 per week"

     O Rlly?  I notice they don't say how many weeks, do they? If for a single year, that's 52 weeks and £364.  On the other hand it might be for 10 years, thus 520 weeks and £3640.  Or - admittedly a little extreme - if it was for 50 years that would come to 2,400 weeks and a total of £18,200.

A Tad Redundant 
OR
Confusing English
Let me confess that yes, when I go and do the shopping I am always on the lookout for this or that with a name that can be twisted into a pun.  So -

But of course!

     And the "confusing English" bit is that there's no guide to pronunciation on the packet.  If you were from Somalia or Taiwan you might well think "How odd!  Are there such things, then, here in this peculiar island nation, as "Nasty biscuits?"
     That's because the pronunciation ought to be "Neese", after the town in the south of France.
     BOOJUM! - educating you one word at a time.

There, the word limit and time limit conspire against me today.  I'll be back later on with a whole load more wibble, scrivel and hipster swivel.

Tally ho!


* I think this is an insult.  It sounds like one!
** Then again, it might be the voices in my head.
*** Yet.
^ A card game