"A Porky Prime Cut"

No!  Still SFW And Nothing To Do With The Headlines
Although reading about You Know Who and You Know What  did trigger a memory from 1978, when Conrad religiously listened to the John Peel Show on Radio 1, from 10 p.m. until midnight.  This, you recall, is back in the days of VINYL TRIUMPHANT O'ER ALL, when the CD was but a distant pipe dream of electronics engineers, or you saw a variant on Doctor Who occasionally.

An "LP" on a "Turntable"

     One night John announced that he'd noticed an etched inscription on an LP*, reading "A Porky Prime Cut".  It was on the empty vinyl between the end of the music tracks and the label itself.  Conrad checked on his own LPs and on some, although not all, there was the self-same inscription.  A Porky Prime Cut.
     What could it mean? pondered John, and Conrad.  Whether Sir John ever found out I don't recall, and had completely forgotten this incident until yesterday.  Obviously we didn't have Google 37 years ago, so since we do now, I found out the truth quick-smart.
     "Porky" is the nickname of George Peckham, a record engineer, who recorded and cut the master disks for hundreds of LPs, and who would often add his moniker to the end product.

Validated!

Thank Your Lucky Stars The Internet Can't Smell
Oh my lord, you are probably already familiar with Conrad's legendary lack of smell, which Wonder Wifey insists is why he likes sauerkraut, sardines and Danish Blue**, yet let me tell you, this cheese was something a quantum level above "stink":

"Caractere" obviously a French pun

     In retrospect I probably shouldn't have left it in the fridge for several days after the "Best by" date had been and gone.  Still, I thought putting it in a bag and then in a tub after opening it would suit.
     Nope.
     I came home to find that it had been wrapped inside another bag, then another bag, and then another bag, and the fridge still smelt unpleasant.  Imagine, if you can, and I hope you're not eating your tea, a rat that crawled behind the fridge and died, going rotten and being slowly roasted by the fridge motor, and you get the idea.
     So, I took it to work and was going to eat it at my desk before realising that having everyone throwing things at me would be unpleasant.  So I took it to Minimum Safe Distance and gobbed it with extreme speed.
     Any digestion problems about it?  Of course not, not even when followed by a couple of well Date Expired fishcakes whose packaging had plainly blown.  We are talking about Conrad of the neutronium-lined digestive suite***.

Conrad.  Thriving on a diet of date-expired crud

A Little Musical Critique
Ah yes, we return to direct a scathing eye at that landmark epic that defined the Eighties, "Captain Beaky (and his band)", which means Simon and Garfunkel, not to mention Bruce Springsteen, can sleep safely in their beds tonight.
     Let the searing critical analysis begin!

" "No, make it me!" Said Reckless Rat"

Have I questioned at all that these creatures can speak?

"I'll stand there in my reckless hat"

A reckless hat.  Indeed.  Speak, yes; speak sense, no.

"When Hissing Sid picks up my trail," 

How will he distinguish your trail from all the others?

"I'll just lasso him with my tail!" "

"Reckless" bordering on "Suicidal".

How many snakes are caught annually by rat-tail lassoos?

" "Oh, good idea" said Timid Toad, "We'll hide a long way down the road."

Toad.  Not only Timid but also Stupid.  Rat-tail lassoos again?

"And when you've overcome resistance,"

This is not guaranteed

"We'll rush along to your assistance." "

Hopefully with plentiful supplies of anti-venin

     Ha!  Take that, Beaky!

Rat-tail lasso - the Dreadful Warning

"The Martian" - A BOOJUM! Film Review
Ah, the ever-inspiring bus poster advertising a new film.  It makes my creative process so much easier with someone else to do the initial heavy lifting!
     "The Martian", eh?  This review won't be long.
     For a Martian he looks suspiciously human.  Don't tell me, he's actually a sinister shapeshifting Trojan Horse, out to infiltrate Hom. Sap. in order to acquire unlimited rice pudding and enslave the lesser races^.
     There, done!

Marsh, An.  Close enough

Meanwhile, At Strategic Rocket Forces Base Sixteen, Novi Palatinsk -
Misha and Grisha are supposedly testing the reaction time of their missile silo covers to get from horizontal to vertical - vital work if they're not to be taken by a surprise NATO attack.
     In reality, however, assisted by a tipple of vodka at lunchtime and the knowledge that their fatuous Colonel is on leave and the scarily efficient Major Lermontov is off in Novi Palatinsk obtaining fresh veg, they are fooling around on top of the silos.

"See!  See how strong we are!"

And there, with only 4 out of 10 items done, I must regretfully take leave of you all.  What ho!

* The large 12 inch diameter vinyl record
** The cheese, not any sordid collection of NSFW photos, thank you very much!
*** What humans call a "stomach"
^ This bit I nicked from "Remembrance of the Daleks"