Form An Orderly Q!

I Know, I Know, It's Not The Best Example
 - of a queue lined up in front of "Q", or John De Lancie, the actor playing him, but you try hunting an image like that down on the internet and see if you can do any better*!  I tried "Q" and "John De Lancie" and "queue" and "convention" and - look, Doctor Who is on later and I really am under the whip here.  Anyway, the image:

Kind of queue-like?  Give me that much.

   <Egad!  It's past six o'clock and I've got no beer here!  This is worse than the tea-deficiency of this afternoon, allow me to correct it>
     There you go, a nice orderly queue.
     Now that we've decoyed the Internet Hamster Doom Patrol away, let the motley commence!

Confusing English:  "Allude", "Elude" And "Elide"
I shan't bother with long explanations about the derivation and etymology**of these words, as Doctor Who is on tonight, so let me explain the difference.  I actually caught out my employer's Communications team out, as they were using "elude" rather than "allude", spelling and grammar Nazi in one elongated bundle, that's Conrad!
     Allude:  this is to hint at a subject rather than discussing it overtly
     Elude: this is to avoid capture or detection
     Elide: this is to join things together, without separation.
     In today's Rather Small Coincidence, I'd written these three words down in my notebook -

Not these very pages

     I then continued reading "Magic Words", where "Allude" had cropped up, and Hay Pesto!  "Elide" cropped up twice in the next two pages.  Today's Small Coincidence, indeed!

How Can A Desperate Conrad Avoid Being Labelled "Highbrow"?
I suppose if I posted a video of me lying drunk in the gutter, coated in kebab and vomit, looking up at the skies going on about "all the pretty starzzzz" after not making to the bathroom in time, then that would do?
     IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!  And even if it did, I'd destroy all the camera footage.
     A more salubrious way would be to post this particular picture:

O my darlings

     As you surely know by now, Conrad has an appallingly sweet tooth, 32 of them in fact, and were it not for common sense he would be 30 stones of carbohydrate and sugar-fuelled fatness.  One of the special delights of Conrad's visit to America some years ago was being able to guzzle Twinky bars and neck Mountain Dew, two things that you could not obtain in the UK at the time.
     Let Us Now Praise Famous Men B & M! as this is where I got them.
     Oh, one urban legend is quashed - they do have a sell-by-date, so they won't sit on the shelf and still be edible in 25 years time.

You What?
Conrad condemns the Twits for suggesting the following "thing" - I'm not going to bother looking at it any closer, so there.

I ask you!

     Conrad would have had trouble articulating the rules of grammar until a few years ago, when he studied it intently for a potential TEFAL course in China.  I have completely forgotten all of it, of course, after three and a half years.  Yet - I have been reading vociferously since being three feet high, not to mention writing equally frantically for almost as long and I have imbibed the rules of grammar by a process of osmosis.
     So!  <snaps fingers at Grammarly>

Rita Skeeter - Beatle Beater?
Allow me to illustrate the background here.  Rita is a character in the "Harry Potter" books, a muckraking journalist of such low moral fibre that not even The Metro would employ her.  She is played by the far-too-glamourous Miranda Richardson - hello Casting Director?  

Rita as she was

     The actress you should have picked does have a connection - 

The one on the left, you baffoons!

     Patsy Byrne.  Far closer to the character.
     Nothing of which has anything to do with Conrad's slightly puzzled curiosity about Rita's "Animagus".  For those of you who have been living inside a hut at the mid-point of the Quattara Depression for the past 20 years, an Animagus is a wizard who can transform at will into an animal.  Or, in Rita's case, a beetle.  Apparently the form cannot be chosen, it merely reflects the Inner Person.  So Rita is, at heart, a lowly crawling hard-cased insect: I'd hate to see her psychiatrist's records.
     Now, what I wondered is, what would happen if a passerby noticed a particularly unpleasant insect crawling within earshot of themselves - and STAMPED ON IT!
     Would the insect be merely transformed into a blotchy smear on the landscape?  Would Rita's mutilated corpse suddenly manifest itself?  If the latter, could the stamper be charged with a capital offence?  Murder? Manslaughter?  Let off scot free?
     Of course, I may be over-thinking this a little ...

Temporally, A Bit Back-To-Front
Ah yes, a reference to my earlier post today, about Conrad's Three-dimensional Model Of Time.  Normally this picture goes into the first post of the day, boring you all with details of how much ice cream Conrad is going to scoff.

Jenny, pondering

     I'm not sure what she's thinking here - whether to chew on the Generic Morrison's Cornetto Copy, or where she can sit.  Probably, like a sinister feline chess-player, waiting for me to make the first move, before she counters with that traditional cat tactic, Bum-In-Face.

Well, can't hang around here wrangling words into written wit and wisdom, as Doctor Who is on in thirty-five minutes, and we're well over the 750 word limit.  In fact how many do we have?  958.  Actually adding that makes it 959.  Damn!  Those words added there make it up to 965 - except that addition there makes it 982 ***

* If you can, I don't want to know.  Can't stand losing.
** Yes, this is the right word.  You were thinking of "Entomology"
*** I shall kill this right here or we'd be into the 20th September before you know it. Although we are now at 1,009 words