It's Doctor Who, And Davros, Two

NO! I Have Not Mis-spelled It
In Saturday's second part of the new season, we see Davros as a small child, and as the raddled old one-eyed cyborg he ends up as.  Therefore, "Two" is perfectly appropriate.  Don't forget, Conrad is as ardent a grammar and spelling tyrant as Davros ever was in terms of power and politics.
     Incidentally, "Davros" is quite a common male forename in Armenia.
     BOOJUM! - educating you one bite-sized piece at a time.

That chap on the right is called Davros*.

"NASA To Make A Major Announcement About Mars"
This teaser appeared on the BBC website yesterday with no indication about what was going to be announced.
     Naturally, Conrad's imagination, a combination of Small Child and Gleeful Anarchist, promptly called to mind what fantastic flights of fantasy might actually be real?

Martian Rock Snakes?

     Please note this is Mike Noble artwork from the pages of "TV21".

Pyramids?  

     Please note this is from the Doctor Who story "Pyramids of Mars".  Ta very much.

Evil Transformers?

     Answer: none of the above.
     No, we got a worthy and noble and scientific (and dull) story about water on Mars.
     Well, DUH!  What the heck do you think all the canals are filled with?

"You've been HAD" - More Of The Doctor
Hmmm.  I seem to see a theme emerging here.  Not planned or anything, I assure you, just a series of coincidental happenings.  So, what happened on Saturday?

We had this cliff-hanger - is he going to shoot Young Davros?

     As pretty much predicted, Missy and Clara are both hale and hearty, having been teleported, not disintegrated.  They are outside the Dalek city, however, whilst the Doctor is still inside, outnumbered 1,000,000 to 1.  So, good odds!
     Davros claims to be dying, and of course the silly sentimental Doctor falls for the act, as he is guaranteed to do so - it's in his genes to be gullible about people on their deathbed deathchair, which he cruelly steals.  He's not heartless, he leaves Davros an ordinary chair, which is quite the rara avis on Skaro, and you'd think Davros would be more appreciative.  Of course he's not, the ingrate, and he sends all his evil Dalek minions to finish off our intrepid travellers -

A face only his mother could love, eh?

     - except Missy has been poking around in the drains, and activates a kind of sentient sewage that attacks the Daleks and drowns them in ordure.  Or old Dalek, they seem to be the same thing.
     What did I say about HADS last week?  Because, just as Missy and Clara are not dead, so the TARDIS is not destroyed.  The old girl is practically alive and takes a remarkably dim view of people trying to destroy her, so the "Hostile Action Displacement System" comes into operation to get her out of harm's way.  Only for her to appear in the nick of time and whisk our heroes off to a hearty supper with lashings of ginger beer.
     What else to say?  The door designs of Dalekdom echoes those seen in 1963, nice reference there Mr Moffat, as is that old Dalek phrase-cum-cliche "MY VISION IS IMPAIRED!" that was uttered several times.
     I also notice that Missy, the female iteration of the Master, is played by Michelle Gomez**, a Spanish surname, as the Master was played by Roger Delgado ...

Missy.  Daft but dangerous

TOO MANY WORDS!  MORE PIC-ATURES!

Okay, Let Us Now Praise Famous Men
Actually let's not, let's praise rather lower things instead.  Conrad, as you already know, has a fearfully sweet tooth and if he guzzled the way he would like to, he'd be 6'1" and 34 stone.

Happiness in a box and tub

     These are two of his current favourites, as you can never have too much Sodium Stearoyl-2-Lactylate in your life (that's the Twinkies).  Surprisingly enough, "Fluff" has no artificial ingredients, though it looks exactly like the Stuff in "The Stuff"***.

Perfectly harmless, honest!

Nutrition And Diet The BOOJUM! Way
That is to say, use this in the real world AT YOUR PERIL!  Don't forget that Conrad's superpower is being able to eat anything.  Your best bet is to recommend these to a friend and see if they live past the weekend^. Okay, what's on the menu?

THE MENU

Chinchilla: needs considerable preparation, renders but little meat.  Also, too cute to shoot.  You'd need at least a dozen to make a single kebab.
Drusilla: Wife of Caligula.  NO!  Cannibalism is a bad thing. Do not.
Godzilla: Capable of feeding many, indeed, but NO! due to radioactive flesh.  Also liable to be rather hard to take down unless using pocket nukes, in which case NO! NO!
Sarsparilla: Strange South Canadian brew.  Only drink if desperate. Or if mixed with gin.
Polyfilla: NO! For display purposes only.  Unless desperate, in which case wait until set.
Quesadilla: Unequivocal Yes!
Gorilla:  NO! And again NO! Not raw, not whole, not served as a Gorilla Quesadilla.  NO!
Moxilla: Yes, but has very little calorific value.  Good for diets.

Oh dear, well over the word limit already and nowhere near done.  I hope you have as much fun reading this as I had writing it.


* Er - perhaps.
** Scottish, as you can tell by her accent.
*** Don't worry, Conrad's alien constitution renders him immune.
^ Not a close friend, obviously!