No! We Are Not Going On About That Poem
Written by whomever, because Conrad is not big on poetry, which he admits is a tad ironic coming from a blog that take it's title from a nonsense poem. If you find that confusing then "Uncle Brian's Victorian Brass Faucet Collection" is probably more up your street.
Nor - and Your Humble Scribe notices that, once again, Blogger is back on normal line-spacing, which has been in abeyance for the past four months - are we banging on about Alfred Bester's sci-fi classic, either. Art!
You might also know it as "The Stars My Destination", and the novel's end has a little quatrain of some import, which, if Art will stop sucking the contents out of that nuclear fuel rod -
Best of all the various cover illustrations
Those of you who have read it will know to what it refers, and those of you whom have not are dead to me.
How is this not yet a film? <spits at Hollywood>
For Lo! are we not back at the "Bottom Five Tanks" as selected by Richard Smith, Director of the Bovington Tank Museum. Yes we are, Vulnavia, that was a rhetorical question. And Mister Smith has chosen for Number Four the -
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| Jagdtiger |
Richard, wielding his trusty clipboard, berates the Teutons for ever creating such a monster. As he sardonically notes, 71 tons of steel - in a country chronically short of the product. A gas-guzzling beast that carried 280 gallons of petrol**, in a country chronically short of the fuel; which could only manage 50 miles cross-country if the stars aligned -
Here we might also reference David Fletcher, who also rates the Jagdtiger as an abysmal design, which constantly broke down, and look forward to Richard's second choice criteria, usability. Art?
"The mighty, monstrous, mega-gunned, macho metal - er - broken-down Jagdtiger"
David is right. These things were powered by an engine intended for a tank 15 tons lighter (the Tiger), which had still broken down regularly because said engine wasn't powerful enough. Most of them were destroyed by their crews when they broke down, hence today's title.
Richard also points out another logistical nonsense about the Jagdtiger: it was the only tank to use the 128 m.m. gun, which meant another completely separate supply chain simply to keep it in ammunition. Given the sheer size of the rounds it could only carry 40 of them.
Somewhere a wehraboo is weeping. Yes, wehraboo, "Big Gun! Big Gun! Big Gun!" is not the be-all and end-all of everything.
A Fraught Day At The Mansion
Conrad's Sekrit Layr has seen a few changes today. For the first time in twenty years one can see clearly (almost like a song lyric) out of the windows, as both were completely replaced yesterday morning. Not only that, the stained and careworn curtains were replaced with sensible heavy brown ones that will keep all that horrid sunlight down, on poles yet***. Art!
The acetic tang of curing sealant has faded as the day wears on, which is good, as Conrad avoids strong smells - they bring on migraines. The sound of passing traffic is definitely muted, too, so those sneaky 409s might be able to whiz by in threes, un-noticed.
Not Something You Ever Expect To Hear
If any of you reading this are under 30, then you never grew up with the Sinister Union lurking menacingly in the background, sly and irresistible, just waiting to be invoked for mur - no, sorry, that's "Forbidden Planet", isn't it? It did lurk menacingly, bragging about how perfect it was, and how irredeemably eeeeevil the West was, what with all it's Coca-cola and The Beatles and Morecambe And Wise - actually I think they shot their own argument down.
ANYWAY - surprise surprise! "Ushanka Show", that most illuminating of all Youtube channels, revealed that there was a television series "ШЕРЛОК ХОЛМС И ДОКТОР ВАТСОН ".
I know! Incredible, isn't it? Who would have thought it! One of - sorry, what's that? You can't ready Cyrillic? O very well - "SHERLOCK HOLMES AND DOCTOR WATSON". Art!
Just the sheer fact that it exists is slightly astounding. Moreover, Your Humble Scribe has a link to the Youtube channel that has the full series, so <sighs> yet another drain on my World Domination time.
Mister Freud Called
Ah, I see we're back to double line-spacing. I wish this Blogger would make it's mind up! Or - hang on, are these single line-spaces? If this continues the entire Blogger staff are going straight into the uranium mines when I take over!
ANYWAY I thought we'd add in another of those splendid "Thrilling Wonder Stories" covers that manage to sit just this side of too risque - Art?
At this lady's lingerie appears to be made out of fabric, rather than brass. She also has gloves, and what appears to be a combination of dress and cloak, so she is in fact baring rather less skin than we have come to expect from these covers. Because this is science-fiction, she might really be that large, and able to cradle whole planets as if they were baseballs, although given the effects of gravity one has doubts.
The rockets taking off are also presumably symbolically large, as otherwise they would blast whole continents to ash on blast-off. However, Large Marge seems to be reacting to them with a touch of apprehension. Perhaps they are as large as she is? O, a nice artistic touch with the star almost in eclipse behind her hair - quite a poetic touch.
FYI Jack Vance is a well-known sci-fi author; H. B. Fyfe means nothing to me.
?
Finally -
Conrad signing off his creative duties, since there are episodes of "The Mandalorian" to be watched. Up to Episode 5 now and it lives up to the name of a Space Western, and possibly "Lone Wolf And Cub".
* Sorry for all this metric drivel.
** Getting on for a ton of the stuff
*** A sentence to tell it, hours for Wonder Wifey to do it.
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