Naked And Unashamed

Yes, I THOUGHT That Might Interest You -

(unspoken subtext of " - , you slavering perverts!" left unsaid).

     For Lo! we are back on "Le Mort D'Arthur" again, and we are come to the love-life of Sir Tristram.  What, did you think there were going to be pictures of attractive young ladies not wearing anything but a fetching smile?  Pshaw!  BOOJUM! is Safe For Work and always has been - yes yes yes we did have naked female buttocks ONCE but it was a statue so that means it's Art and therefore both Tasteful and Allowed.

     Where were we?

     O yes, Sir Tristram.  

From where he hails

     The backstory is that Sir T and La Beale Isoude, the most comely damosel in Ireland, are en route from Ireland to Cornwall, where she is due to marry King Mark.  Bragwaine, LBI's handmaiden, had been entrusted with a love potion with which to ply both LBI and King Mark, as this was cheaper than having a pre-nuptial agreement on paper.
     You can probably see where this is going, can't you?  Bragwaine is not very job-focussed and leaves the potion lying about, which is then discovered and drunk by both Sir T and LBI, entirely unaware of what this 'chalice of wine' really is.

     Oooops.

One hopes the previous 8 were disposed of according to COSHH

     To cut several dozen pages short, Sir T goes off his rocker later in the story, casting off his clothes and running away, ending up in a forest, naked. Thanks a lot, Love Potion.  Conrad is certain by this point that Sir Tom is making the whole thing up; you cannot survive naked in This Sceptred Isle as the weather will kill you.  I remember once, when
     ANYWAY Sir T is looked after by local herders and shepherds, who feed him.  No mention is made of clothes at any stage, so perhaps he grew an especially long beard that - er - provided cover?

Sir T ponders

     Now, raving loonwaffle he might be, but Sir T has the blood of heroes in his veins, and if any passing varlet or churl abuses the herders and shepherds, they are not long for this world.  Take the giant Taulas, who was an utter villain long kept under control thanks to fear of Sir T.  When the rumour goes around that Sir T is dead, why! what does Taulas do but come out of his castle to make mischief and mayhem.

     Not for long.  Whilst Taulas is busy being a rotter and then some to the locals, why! who turns up naked, with a sword*, but Sir T, who handily relieves Taulas of his head.  

Sir T, in his more clothed days

     You can bet that Bragwaine has been wringing her hands since both folks quaffed that potion: "O if only I'd remembered to put it in the fridge!"
     Yeah, verily.  "If you drink from strange bottle, then your life may change a lottle.**"

     Motley!  Break out the drinks cabinet and let's do a helicopter***!

"We Have Ways" Dives Deep

As you should surely know by now, Conrad is passing fond of the podcast "We Have Ways Of Making You Talk", which he tries to listen to when time permits, since some of their broadcasts are an hour long.

     Last night I heard an absolutely fascinating one, which was also extremely grim, about 'Crimes of the Wehrmacht', featuring guest talker Waitman Wade Beorn.  To explain succinctly, after the Second Unpleasantness a lot of Teuton generals placed all the blame for atrocities committed on the Eastern Front on the SS.  However, as Waitman points out at length, the Wehrmacht was implicit in these atrocities as well.  Art?

     I won't go into any detail, because as mentioned already it was unremittingly grim, but it kind of shattered the myth that the Teuton army had clean hands in Russia.  This was also borne out in the BBC series "War of the Century", and indeed has mention in Robin Cross's "Citadel" (which is about two feet away from me as I type).

     It was also notable for Jim Holland, who is usually an amiable and jokey kind of presenter, lambasting the guilty in tones of accusatory venom and volume rarely encountered on podcasts.

How to scare cats the Jim Holland way!

     Phew, that was a bit heavy-duty.  What next?  Something light and fluffy like zombie tank crews in atomic warfare?

I Didn't Think I'd Ever Hear This Phrase

Conrad has been indulging in Youtube viewings of a channel calling itself "Dimple" which is apparently one where North Korean defectors either reveal all, or react to hideously impressive displays of Western technology, like a Breville sandwich toaster or a nuclear-powered aircraft carrier, that sort of thing.

     One character explained that he'd seen lots of Western DVDs in his youth, which makes one wonder just how porous the Sino-Korean border is.  Art!

     Erk!  Of course, since the bad guys in James Bond films from the Sixties and Seventies were either Sinister or Chinese or Sovakian, then there might be a bit of wriggle room for the Nork authorities, though I would still be a bit panicky were I a Nork Political Reliability Officer, because such a thing undoubtedly exists.  Yes, people,"SMERSH" was a real organisation, a contraction of "Smert Shpionam" which is the Ruffian for "Death To Spies".  

Don't ask me.  I Googled and this popped up.

Finally -

Your Modest Artisan - actually, did you know that 'Modest' is a male first name over there in Ruffia?  You may have heard of Mussorgsky, whose first name is Modest.

Modest before

     ANYWAY your Modest Artisan is on late shift next week, which means starting at the civilised hour of 10:00 yet not finishing until the ungodly hatehour of 18:00, so the blog may get posted at odd times.  Just so you know.  On the other hand, if I create the following day's blog the night before as with this one - pre-planning is everything - you might get it ahead of time, because Conrad likes mixing it up like that.

Modest after
(there was vodka)

*  WASH OUT YOUR FILTHY SEWER-LIKE MINDS!

**  I made this up all by myself.

***  The police one has been hovering locally for a while.