A Gent Of SHIELD

Think Twice Before You Mention Spelling*

Yes yes yes, we here on the blog have already been 'economical with the truth' about "Agents Of Shield" in an hilarious jape, which also allows me to use them as click-bait fair game for promotional purposes, as the first picture on the blog is what comes up as the default when we post it on Facebook.  To that end -

CAUTION! No fat, old or ugly people accepted

     Dammit.  That counts Conrad out, hmmmm?  Well, for one thing, we're going to be looking to the distant past, not the near future, for Lo! it's back to yarking on about "Le Mort D'Arthur".  Yes, more about shields, and knights.  By definition a knight was a gentleman, which explains today's slightly tortuous title, as 'gent' is an abbreviation of the title.  Art!

     All knights had heraldic devices on their shields, and it behooved each of them to know whose was what, as you'd be very unlikely to win a joust with Sir Lamorak or Sir Palomides.  This isn't just Conrad's idle prating, as Sir Thomas Malory (the author, don't you know, not just three names chosen at random) makes specific mention of this in his text, to wit: "And there by their shields Sir Dinadan knew them well.  The first was the good knight Sir Uwaine, the son of King Uriens**, the second was the noble knight Sir Brandiles, the third was Ozana le Cure Hardy, the fourth was Uwaine les Aventurous, the fifth was Sir Agravaine, the sixth Sir Mordred, brother to Sir Gawaine".  Sir Dinadan clearly knows his heraldry to be able to list all six of these knights.

     It's not mentioned in the text, yet Your Humble Scribe is pretttttty sure any knight who recognised another by his shield, would also be aware of how said knight fought, both on horseback and on foot, and any strengths or weaknesses they had: "Too rigid in the saddle, weak overarm stroke, good parry" kind of thing.

Sir Brandiles

     Motley!  Stand still whilst I superglue this narwhal horn to your forehead, Shelli needs a unicorn and you're it.

A New Bit Of Kit

You will already be bored of Conrad's harping on about his new windows, hmmm?  Not only that, I now have a new height-adjustable table in my Sekrit Layr, to go with the new reclining chair.  I shan't bore you with photos, just use your imagination.  What I will bore you with is a new bookcase - always a cause for celebration in The Mansion - which Wonder Wifey hunted down on the internet, and which I put up myself, with Degsy doing the driving to-and-fro bit.  Art!

     New table just visible to port.  WW had the temerity to ask if I had any books that were large enough that they needed such a high shelf at lower starboard.  Pshaw! Yes indeedy Ally Sheedy - you'll get a picture once filled.  It has already hoovered up several piles of books that were untidily hanging around, plus more that were inaccessible in a cupboard, and Your Humble Scribe is pretty sure he can fit the Book Mountain in there, too.

"Bellwether"

This word has been rattling around at the back of my mind for weeks now, ever since I saw it used in the title of a BBC news item.  Art!

     Don't worry, BOOJUM! is still keen to avoid politics, especially contemporary politics, and most especially contemporary South Canadian politics.

     ANYWAY you, like me, must be wondering exactly what "Bellwether" means, so one quick look in my Collins Concise - "1: a sheep that leads the herd, often wearing a bell. 2: A leader, esp. one followed blindly" - er - okay, ignore "2", pretend it's not there <hastily looks at "Brewer's Dictionary of Phrase and Fable"> O! "A sheep that leads the herd, often with a bell fastened to it's neck.  Hence any setter of a standard, pattern or trend, especially in finance or industry."  Phew.  No politics.

Bellwether counties example

     There you go, we all know more than we did five minutes ago.  Looking at that map, Conrad is unsure they have scaled Alaska properly (Alaska being that little separate portion at lower port).

Nope, They Didn't

You know Your Humble Scribe, never one to let grass grow under his feet when challenged by an Interesting Fact.  My recollection of Alaska is that it's about a third the size of the Continental South Canadian landmass.  And do you know what?

     I was right.  Alaska, for your information, is freaking HUGE, with a very small population betimes.  900,000?  Ah, not even that - about 750,000.  Plus tourists.

Apryl Confesses A Guilty Secret

Our favourite marine scientist was analysing "Finding Nemo", which Conrad hasn't seen (and doesn't feel as if he's missing anything).  There is a scene where the Nice Sharks are reciting their "Fish Are Friends, Not Food", and one of their partner fish bleeds a little -

     You can just about see Bruce inhaling the blood.  This, of course, instantly transforms him into an overly-aggressive killing machine.

     "NO!" said Ms. Boyle.  That a shark can detect blood in the water at very low concentrations is true; that they will unerringly make for the source in order to violently KILL AND EAT AND KILL AND EAT AND - sorry, no.  As Apryl points out, if sharks really did that her research would be so incredibly easy.

     She then admits to bumping people out of line when queuing to surf, by pointing out that they have a cut and thus might attract sharks.  For shame, Apryl Boyle, for shame!  You may well hang your head.

Finally -

Conrad notes with approval (and confusion) that Blogger now seems to have settled back into the single-line spacing that it manifested before the Dog Buns new edition came out in September.  I've not changed any settings, and a laptop is too small to permit the presence of a Hamsterminator within, so by default it must be Blogger.  That, or aliens.

"It's aliens, Conrad.  Aliens every time."

     And with that we are done, as I want to get into Royton before the Co-Op puts all the unsold newspapers away, the swines.

*  Because being disintegrated by atomic fission can hurt.

**  Be warned - there are an awful lot of kings in LMDA