A Mindless Horde Is Attacking The Capitol!

I Thought That Might Get Your Attention

However, it's not what you're thinking.  You should know BOOJUM! by now - this is our eighth year of operations after all - and how we steer clear of Politics, because no matter what political slant or shade you might be, you are inevitably going to annoy someone.

"Mention of Uncle Brian's Victorian Brass Faucet Party drove him mad."

     Unless, of course - obviously! - we can generate lots of repeat traffic: at that point all bets are off.  Feckless and unscrupulous, merely two of our better qualities.

     ANYWAY doubtless you are wondering what Conrad means, so let me enlighten you.  Art?

Note the tagline

     This immediately brought to mind one of Your Humble Scribe's favouritest zombie movies "Navy Seals Versus Zombies", a low-budget but entertaining romp whose title tells you pretty much the entire plot.  Our Seal team are airlifted into Baton Rouge, Louisiana, where the Vice President is under siege at the State Capitol - by ZOMBIES!  Hordes of the undead bumbletucks.  Art?

<Insert political joke here>

     Of course the zeds polish off any living people quick smart, whom then of course - obviously! - join the ranks of the living dead.  They had already eaten a crack team of FBI Hostage Rescue agents, necessitating the import of heavier metal in the form of our SEALS.  Art!

Desperate to vote?

     I shan't tell you more of the plot, so if you want to know more, you're going to have to watch the film itself, aren't you?  Conrad could have begun this Intro by showing the Louisiana State Capitol building first of all, which would have had you all wrinkling your brows in puzzlement, as it in no way resembles the other Capitol building where all the action has been recently.  Art!

     Nor can I finish this Intro without reference to the best line in the film: "This may be the most stupid thing we've ever done" -

Because they know zombies are on the other side of the door they're about to open

     Motley!  I hear the sinister sounds of steam - prepare the Anti-Locomotive Lava Moat!


Shark Shark Shark!

For Lo! we are back with marine scientist (note the uncapitalised "m" because she's not a SEAL*) Apryl Boyle, the geekishly enthusiastic presenter of a Youtube channel addressing sharks in film.  Today we deal with her dealing with "Deep Blue Sea" and - she's not very impressed.  Art!

     She also argues that a lot of "attacks" are more along the line of "encounters" as in "skittish shark flees human after bumping into them", which is a lot more common than "shark eats floating meat popsicle".

     ANYWAY 

     Conrad apologises in advance for the reflections of a white-haired old duffer in the following photographs.  At least you know I made an effort.

     Apryl rather scoffed at the notion of creating super-smart sharks, because 1) nobody would fund it and 2) there would be a  whole lot of other research to do before you got to it.

     Here Apryl ladles scorn on the supposed recognition of a gun on the part of two sharks, as both instantly vanish into the briny deeps.  That, according to her, is simply not how sharks operate.  She then related a tale about being out surfing when up swam a Great White, heading directly towards her; this is important as a Great White cannot see directly in front of itself.  Once it moved slightly to one side and caught sight of a toothsome morsel sorry Professor Boyle, it instantly fled.  If it's not food or familiar, a shark will flee.  

     Here she laughs out loud at a scene where one shark is harpooned with A Mysterious Toxin that kills it dead in about one second flat.  Yeah, good luck replicating that in real life.

     Apryl's verdict?  "Almost complete fiction".  "O well," said Samuel Jackson**.

Bottom 5 Tanks

As Director of the Tank Museum at Bovington, Richard Smith reckons it's the perfect job for him and the only one he's really qualified to do (being a History graduate).  His bottom 5 tanks are selected on different criteria to the usual ones of too small a gun, too small an engine, too thin an armour plate; rather, they are the kind of choices a management or ergonomics expert might choose.  Thus we have Number Three, the A7V, a Teuton "Sturmpanzerwagen".  Art!

The clipboard of doom is in the room

     You get a sense of scale here with the requisite Puny Human (sorry Richard) standing alongside the beast in question.  This, says Richard, is a stellar example of how not to manage 'scope and requirements'.  Let us see if we can find another example of these things in action.  Art!

    This thing simply bristled with guns.  Guns guns guns!  Which meant it needed a crew of eighteen, as seen above.  It was also very top heavy and would topple over if it went over uneven ground, which kind of defeats the idea of having tracks in the first place, if you can't off-road at all.  Nor could it cross trenches or muddy ground, and it had a 30-foot blind spot the driver couldn't see into.  To top it all off, only 20 of them were made and their combat performance was very spotty, lots of them suffering breakdowns.

"Room for one more on top!"

    Entirely predictably, nobody copied this design post-First Unpleasantness, which shows how little-regarded it was.

Finally -

You can skip this if military history's not your thing THOUGH I WILL FIND OUT AND MEASURES WILL BE TAKEN as Conrad has decided to bite the bullet and begin reading the British Official History of the Gallipoli campaign.  I have both text volumes, Battery Press reprints from the Nineties not the originals.  I did see an original pair, with mapset and appendix, going for the princely sum of £275, so I am happy - O and there are only four maps in the mapset - to keep my pair of reprints, which probably cost less than £60 all told.

British tourists abroad

     You will probably get the information overspill, lucky you.

     And with that, we are O so very done.

*  Though she is at home in the water

**  Obviously before he got et.