Let It Slide

This Is Going To Take A Bit Of Background Work

So bear with me.  For Lo! we are back on "Le Mort D'Arthur" again, and there is trouble in the state of Cornwall, even if it is a kingdom (poetic licence).  For over the sea have come the Sessions, whom are intent on invading Cornwall and looting it of all it's - er - all it's - hmmmm <thinks> tin?  "Sessions" must be a mutable name for persons like the Saxons or suchlike.  Art!

Tintagil Castle

     These bad-mannered tourists chase the defending army of King Mark The Cowardly (a title I've just awarded him myself, as it is entirely true) back to Tintagil, following them very closely indeed.

     Here we need to make a small detour to explain a little about medieval castle construction.  SIT BACK DOWN!  This is interesting.  Okay, so a castle had sheer walls and crenellations, was massively constructed in stone, possibly had a wet or dry moat, and was designed to be as hard as possible for uninvited guests to enter.  Art!

     There needs to be a balance, though: all sorts of supplies and visitors have to be able to get into and out of the castle, so you need a gate, which is of course automatically the weakest point of the overall defences.  Architects therefore tried to make even this, the weakest point, pretty strong.  Art!

     That large, unpleasant, unfriendly piece of furniture is the "Portcullis", made out of solid metal or heavy timbers faced with iron nails.  When things were peaceful it would be winched out of the way.  The name comes from Old French, "Porte Coleice", meaning "Sliding Gate", hence "Port Colice" and then "Portcullis".  So nothing to do with the opposite of starboard, then.  O, and that's how today's title came to be.
     ANYWAY remember the Sessions?  They were champing at the very heels of those fleeing Cornish men-at-arms, chasing them into the very castle gateway -

     This is when the garrison tripped the latch that released the portcullis and down it came, half-a-ton of iron with big pointy spikes all along the bottom.  Four of the pursuers were slain in this event, writes Sir Thomas Malory, which is a perfect illustration of what portcullises were for, and also another evidence that it's the gory little details which give this work it's picquance.

A metaphor*

     You could say 

"They let it slide

And four men died.

They were all -

Holed in the hide."

     Motley!  Let's play "Catch The Javelin", hmmmm?

"The Mandalorian"

Conrad was guilty of pimping BOOJUM! a little late last night since he was watching Episode 8 of Season One and got a bit wrapped up in it.  So sue me, it's not like you pikers have to pay to read the world's finest-quality scrivel, is it? <Mister Hand redacts the usual multi-page screed about how unfair the world is>.

     There is a scene towards the beginning that was quite hilarious.  Two of those technical-variety stormtroopers on speederbikes had kidnapped Baby Yoda and were hanging around outside town, waiting for the word to bring his verdant self to Moff Gideon.  They bicker like an old married couple.  Art!

     That's Baby Yoda in the bag, getting a slap from the first trooper for being antsy.  The other chap pesters to have a look at Baby Yoda, repeatedyl, finally gaining a glimpse after playing the guilt card about the little chap being hit.  The little chap promptly bites him, hard, provoking a yell of pain and a punch in response.  Conrad laughed out loud, but we all know I'm a terrible person.  Art!

     They then prove what rotten shots they are by missing a nearby tin can, lots of times.  Of course they are technicians, not proper soldiers - but it makes you think.  No more details, can't have you reading spoilers here.

Bottom Five Tanks: Number One - The Covenanter

As selected by Bovington Tank Museum's Director Richard Smith, wielding the awesome Clipboard Of Power.  Art!

Richard, Clipboard and Covenanter

      Richard's summary of this one was succinct: "It doesn't jolly well work!" 

    Part of the problem was no testing before ordering the first 100 models straight off the drawing-board - never a good idea - due to the imperative need to get tanks into production after Dunkirk.  The engine took up so much room that the radiators were on the front hull, connected to the engine by piping that ran all the way through the crew compartment.  Art!

The radiators, with a very apt name

     There were immediate problems with overheating; so bad, in fact, that the tanks were not sent overseas, though there is a rumour that we fobbed some off on the Sinisters.  Not only that, the armour was increased by request of the army, meaning that the weight increased, too.  Then, the road wheels could not be made of aluminium, because that was needed for aircraft production, so steel was substituted, again increasing the weight.  Increased weight means increased strain on the engine, requiring more cooling - 
      Unbelievably, 1,700 of these armoured lemons were made before someone saw sense and stopped them.  A handful were sent with the Royal Electrical and Mechanical Engineers to North Africa for evaluation, where their judgement was the same as Richard's.

     Conrad is pretty sure he's seen some in the film above but cannot lay an internet Google hand upon them, and trawling through an hour and a half of film to get a single frame is too much to ask, frankly.

Finally -

We only need a short one to hit the Compositional Ton.  Ah!  I know.  Conrad caught another video on the "Forgotten Weapons" channel, presented as usual by 'Gun Jesus' Ian McCollom, about the "Winchester Burp Guns".  Art!

     These mystery weapons cannot be fired as they lack magazines to hold bullets, and there is no surviving documentation about them in the Winchester archives or museum.  All that is known was on a pair of labels attached to them when they were turned up, which is precious little since they weren't large labels.  For Your Information, a "Burp" gun is one with a rate of fire so high that it sounds like a person burping, as with the Sinister's 'Pepesha'.  Art!

CAUTION! Noisy and bad for one's health

     Now that this recent video of Ian's is up, it may be seen by people who had something to do with these weapons, so it's possible more information will arrive.  In the meantime, Conrad recommends mint tea**.

     And with that, we are jolly well done!

*  There not being a lot of photographs of medieval soldiers being skewered by a portcullis.

**  Aids the digestion.