Ha!
Yes, there is still scope for
the tea-based pun, ha-har!
But enough levity. I did mention “The Founding of Evil Hold
School” yesterday, which I will abbreviate to TFOEHS from now on, as it is a
bit of a mouthful and the Universe has but a limited lifetime. The novel was written by Nikolai Tolstoy –
yes, of that Tolstoy family. Technically Count Nikolai Tolstoy, he wrote
TFOEHS back in 1969, featuring a character named “Grimley-Fiendish”, and I’m
not sure whether ‘The Sparky’ comic beat him to the punchline on this, as they
also had a terrifyingly evil character called Grimley-Fiendish.
 |
| I rest my case |
Nikolai holds dual British-Russian
nationality. He has written, somewhat
injudiciously, about how the UK forcibly repatriated the Black Cossacks back to
the Sinisters at the end of the Second Unpleasantness. This led to a court case for libel and an
award against him of £2,000,000. Being a
canny fellow, and also not having that amount of cash to hand, he took the case
through 15 different courts before only coughing up £57,000 after the plaintiff
exited this mortal coil.
“The wicked children have been seen,
At Mile End Hall, near Bethnal Green”
Is another quote I remember, where the
gruesome twosome are sent on a wild-goose chase after their errant pupils.
Ah – “Dredge-Strangler” is one of the
eeeevil teachers. Probably close in
description to Lord Aldington (that plaintiff I mentioned).
 |
| I was right - tusks! |
One of your humble scribe’s favourite
quotes comes from TFOEHS, where I believe Grimley-Fiendish (blessed with tusks,
IIRC) is lying on a rail porter’s cart, summing up facts by conversing with
himself.
“Let us face facts, you swine!”
-
he says to himself, which is a compact way
of determining just how horrid he is. I
often say this to myself. Only ever
alone. It can easily be misconstrued otherwise.
A
Tenuous Connection To Reality
Because, frankly, reality it
boring. No Triffids, Daleks or Batman in
real life*. Anyway, it is my fond
contention that the American Revolution never happened – one day we will see
the Union Jack flying over the Whitehouse – and that America is really South
Canada.
Where does this leave the Canadians?
Ah; they become the British Americans.
This, oddly enough, does have a basis in
fact, since once the War of Independence was over and Britain had not won**, a
lot of Empire Loyalists left South Canada and crossed the northern border.
As you can see from our map, they also
have good taste. Art?
 |
| The darker the green, the more viewers |
I
Have A Most Delicious Posterior
I must do, the Coincidence
Hydra always has it’s teeth firmly fastened there. Why, yesterday what were we discussing at my
workplace in the Dark Tower? Nothing
more or less than a long list of illnesses that can be used to detail why
colleagues might be off sick. Conrad,
seeking novelty over the mundane, decided he was going to inflict “Swine Flu”
upon our hapless fictional employee***.
Heh heh! Then, being ever
curious, I wondered exactly what it was.
A flu virus found in pigs that can be
transmitted to humans, strain designation “H1N1”.
Fast-forward to the Pleasant Inn, where we
had Play Your Cards Right – but no Quiz.
Janet the landlady not well. So,
Phil produced the quiz answers from the Turk’s Head, which he and Rosie had sat
earlier that week.
Question One: Which Eighties science-fiction television
series featured a robot called “Twiki”?
Question Two: What is the alpha-numeric designation of the
Swine Flu virus?
I don’t know, I really don’t. This sort of thing only used to happen when I
was reading Thomas Pynchon.
They’re
Back
Once again, the police have
coned and signed-off a particular stretch of Thomas Street, preparatory to
filming taking place there. I confess my
sheer nosiness makes me curious about who is filming here and for what, but the
odds are that I will never find out.
Anyway, Art?
Keep an eye out. If you see this street in some grim, grey
Northern policier then remember, you
saw it here first.
A
Brief Warning
Once again, beware of
briefs! These items of apparel can be
dangerous in the wild, especially if they converge in packs. A long stick or, preferably, a squeezy bottle
of liquid detergent is the best deterrent for these semi-lethal pests.
| As saucy as we get round here |
Another
Brief Warning
Once again, your humble scribe
is working tomorrow, which means not getting home until about 6:30. So there will probably be only a single post
on BOOJUM! although this is not certain.
I have 45 minutes for lunch, and if the phones are quiet (a pious hope!)
then I might be able to work up more notes.
We shall see. Which is not what King John of Bohemia said
at the battle of Crecy – he was blind and then riddled with English arrows.
* But I can confirm that UNIT are
real, and The Doctor is too.
** I cannot bring myself to use
the word “lost”. J J Abrams, don’t you
know.
*** I’m quite as horrid as Mister
Dredge-Strangler
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