As is probably clear by now, your humble scribe is ever one for mucking about with language and words. For example, I did Tuesday's Metro Cryptic crossword this morning in about 20 minutes, and without recourse to my vast tome, the "Crossword Companion".
Here an aside. I suppose boasting about your prowess at cryptic crosswords is final and irrevocable proof of being middle-aged. So be it!
Last night I came across another of those Twitter threads about puns based on film titles, and it was #FeedAFilmCake, which of course I could not resist. Here are some of my entries:
Loave, Actually
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Scone
Let The Right One Baking Tin
Raisin Arizona
Gluten-Free Willy
I won't go on, I did 30 of them over the space of about 45 minutes. You now have an even better insight into the mind of Conrad, whether you wanted to or not.
 |
| Back when Dan was cute |
Okay, I think that constitutes enough of an Intro for us to allow the motley to don a cape and fly off the balcony.
Wait, What?
There are some questions that simply have to be asked. How many angels can dance on the head of a bin used to be one, although the answer would depend on how big the bin was, and it had better not be a swing-top one. What would happen if you filled a kettle with petrol and switched it on? is one Conrad has long wondered about, though not answered as I haven't yet found a 50 yard extension cord.
There are also some questions that not only didn't need to be asked, but which also call the mind of the asker into question. I came across one of these last night. Art?
 |
| Nothing good, one feels |
Of course your modest artisan had to sit back and ponder that one. Not an easy job: you'd first have to seal off the Straits of Gibraltar, the Bosphorus Straits and all the rivers that empty into the Med basin. Then you'd need to pump all the seawater out, which would probably take quite a while*. I imagine the littoral weather would be immediately and badly affected, and it would become immensely difficult to travel to and from the islands left behind; they would effectively become mountain communities.
If I Cannot Sit Down -
- then the Coincidence Hydra must be at work. This rough beast has taken a holiday recently, yet it still fastens it's teeth in my nethers every so often, just to remind me how tasty my gluteus is.
A picture would help, here. Art?
The contrast is rather poor, so I shall have to indicate that the internet advert is for Warhistory online, who are displaying a photograph of the Ludendorf railway bridge over the Rhine, captured by the South Canadians during the Second Unpleasantness, next to the town of - Remagen.
Which film's Trivia and Goofs have I just been reading up on? Why, none other than "The Bridge at Remagen".
The coincidences don't stop there. That picture of the bridge didn't just crop up at random, oh no. This goes back to "Kelly's Heroes" and the most boring hobby in the world, of which I am the proud inventor: going through all the IMDB Goofs for a film and seeing if people are correct. I am sure you want an example*. So here is one.
Goof: When the German Colonel is killed by machine gun fire from the Tiger tank, the flame from the machine gun is clearly pointed to the left (of the screen) as opposed to the target's (the Colonel) actual position which is at the right of the screen.
Here is a photo to illustrate the point. Art? Put down that plate of coal!
A little blurry, yet you can see that the observation is, superficially, correct. What the critic doesn't add is that there are artillery rounds dropping all over the place, and the casualty here is just as likely to have been hit by shrapnel, not bullets.
There's another supposed goof: At 30:37 while Kelly is talking Crapgame into his gold heist scheme, a jet aircraft can be heard flying low overhead. Since the only operational jets late in the war were German ME262s, it is unlikely that one would be flying low, miles behind enemy lines.
Why is it unlikely? They might be stooging around looking for a bit of action. Not only that, I've turned the sound up loudly enough to annoy the neighbours and couldn't hear any jet.
Not only that, the critic is wrong. WRONG, HA HA! The Teutons had an operational jet bomber, the Arado 234, which went into service in August 1944, exactly the right timeframe for KH, and they were so fast they got used in reconnaissance missions - flying behind enemy lines. Art? Get your head out of the scuttle!
Proof. That lead to a link about the Ludendorf bridge, as it was unsuccessfully bombed by these particular jet bombers.
Like I said, the world's most boring hobby, though it is run close by PYLON SPOTTING!
* Yes, I am being ironic.
No comments:
Post a Comment