I can see the disgust in your eyes, as I alternate between coffee- and tea-based puns. Get used to it; when I take over the world "Strictly Come Dancing" and "The X Factor" will go the way of the dodo and you'll get televised word games 25 hours a day*.
There is a novel called "A Confederacy of Dunces", which is the opposite of Conrad's opinion of the BBC. "A Confederacy of Clevers", mayhap?
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| Conrad tastefully avoids pins about that name ... |
The reason I bring this up is due to my approach to the Beeb's website of a morning, as I check to see that the world is still turning. It usually is, but it doesn't do to become complacent. Every morning, without fail, there are scads of interesting news stories, freshly-brewed by the diligent and conscientious overnight staff, the swines!
"But Conrad," I hear you query, "How can you be so annoyed at the nation speaking unto nations?"
Very easily - you know I slide into Frothing Nitric Ire at so much as the descent of a snowflake. In this case, my wrath is because I am on a strict schedule of a morning: 40 minutes to get up, get dressed, check e-mails, pimp the blog on Facebook and Twitter, scoff a bowl of porridge and a couple of slices of toast, pick up my lunch, ensure bag is full of books, and then bolt for the bus. Getting distracted by the Beeb website is A VERY BAD THING!
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| Because - |
Today they had an article on Iran's nuclear ambitions and how they had been reined in, which the Horny One does not like. Conrad understands that this chap's political mascot if an elephant, which is fitting, given the amount of noise he makes; if he were a Democrat then one might invoke the braying of an ass, as their political symbol is a donkey**.
Then there was the Sulky Fat Lad, who emits as much hot air, if not more, than the Horny One.
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| A trump |
Then there was a continuation of the story about Hellboy and Wells Cathedral -
- DOG BUNS I DON'T HAVE THE TIME! STOP TEMPTING ME!
A Minor Plot Point
Well, actually a colossal plot point, that's just an example of typical British understatement for you. We don't like to kick up a fuss; even today's fire alarm announcement was shockingly polite and well-mannered.
Anyway, here I am reading "The Night Eternal", that being the third of "The Strain" trilogy.
Here an aside, and a few spoilers, so move right along if you wish to remain uninformed about vital plot points. Guillermo and Chuck went to television studio suits, to see if they could get backing for turning novel into series. Oh yes, said the suits; if you make it a comedy. A comedy. O Rly? here we are with the vampires triumphant, a third of the human race exterminated, the survivors living only to be bled as mobile fodder, our hero Eph now a raging alkie, his son an acolyte of The Master - a real laff riot. What were they thinking?
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| Not a lot, apparently |
Anyway, that plot point. At the end of "The Fall", volume 2, a world-wide nuclear winter is caused by various nuclear "exchanges"***, and fires. This reduces sunlight to merely two hours a day, two years after the big day.
Except, NO!
The old Eighties calculations of nuclear winter were egregiously biased and inaccurate, and as we say in Kuwait, even a whole country of blazing oil-wells didn't block out the sun.
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| Some suns |
Pub Quiz Performance!
The Marsden Muppets won twice last night, after a loooong dry period. It's not that we don't get the answers correct, more than we don't manage to link up our circles. A picture here would illuminate the point. Art? Less coal, more picture!
FYI, a "Paddle" is the collective noun for a group of ducks when they are swimming around. The Guggenheim Museum was the last building designed by architect Frank Lloyd Wright. Mars has a pink colouration (actually red although I'm not going to argue the point as I WON). The symbol of the National Trust is composed of Oak leaves.
Finally -
A chasuble is apparently the outermost garment worn by a Catholic priest whilst doing their Eucharistic stuff in church, not a holy vessel as Conrad previously thought. O well. You learn something new every day.
And yes, we have broached policy by dealing with Politics, Current Affairs and Religion, but so what, it's my blog, I make the rules and I can break them if and when I feel like it^.
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| Chasuble |
* Decimalisation.
** No, I don't get it, either.
*** A horrid South Americanism, for which I apologise
^ Rock 'n' roll rebel on the edge, that's me.
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