The
Strain
As you surely know by now,
Conrad – in addition to being an alien spy – has little to no restraint when it
comes to matters of self-indulgence.
Yes! Scoff the whole packet of Jaffa
cakes; devour that whole roast ham; scrape the mould off that cake and finish
it (you may detect a theme here) and so it is with books. Tuesday being my day off, I acquired Volume 1
of “The Strain”, which comes in at 400 pages, and I’d finished it by close of
business last night.
 |
| I am triumphant |
Like I said, no self-restraint. Of course, this being the first of a trilogy,
your humble scribe had to order Volumes 2 and 3 via Abebooks. We shall see when they arrive. Conrad is impressed by the level of detail
and attention given to the rat, and indeed both authors admit their debt to a
book devoted to the rat. Called – and
you’re probably ahead of me here – “Rats.”
The
Rat As Hero And Villain
This was going to be an aside,
but I got on a bit of a creative roll.
Rats, you see, by tradition have a bit of a bad press. Conrad can sympathise; as you surely ought to
know by now, he is continually trying to redeem the weasel’s reputation. I like to think we make a difference.
Your humble hack does not have the
conventional attitude toward the rat, that they are either dirty or disgustrous
or both. I would be quite happy to have
one as a pet (Jenny and Edna might differ in opinion), far more so than a
tarantula. Hold a rat in my hand? Quite happy to! Hold a tar – let us not go there.
Now, one of the most sympathetic rat
characters in literature is Rat – I didn’t make him up so don’t complain about
lack of imagination – from “The Wind In The Willows”, although if we are being
picky he’s actually a water vole. But as
drawn he looks quite ratty*.
 |
| A dancing rat. You will not often see one of these |
Balance this with author Harry Harrison’s
‘Stainless Steel Rat’, alias Slippery Jim Di Griz, career criminal and thief, a
thoroughly loveable rogue with a stern moral compass – Thou Shalt Not Kill
being his prime one.
| Rat art by Harry himself |
Rather more amoral is the Rat King from
Alan Moore’s “The Ballad of Halo Jones”, being a composite collective-mind (too
small to be a hive) of five rats, that together organise entire armies of
rats. Literal armies; waging war via
rodent, one might say. Also
illegal. In fact, so illegal that the
guilty party arranges for an accidental nuclear attack to cover up the
traces**.
 |
| Really, some people have a very strange imagination |
Then there’s the telepathic rat colony in
“Deus Irae”, who try to dine on Carlton Lufteufel, only for him to turn the
table with incendiary grenades and dine on them. Hey, don’t knock it till you’ve tried it***!
Carrier
Command
Oh dearie me. As I mentioned yesterday in passing, that
aged computer game “Carrier Command” is
available as abandonware.
“Of what do you speak, Conrad?” I hear you
ask. “And is there an app for it?”
Abandonware refers to computer programs,
usually games, that are ancient by today’s standards. They are so old that the commercial entities
that created and sold them are long gone, or the rights have been transferred
in a hopelessly complex tangled mass.
The very designers are probably dead or retired and living on
Oriskany. However, the games themselves
are still viable, just not for sale anymore, and you might need to run them on
an emulator if they’re old enough.
 |
| Ah, forgotten youth ... |
Why is this a problem? Because nothing eats up your time WITH
NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT more than computer games, with the possible exception of
Twitter pun tweets. Just as Conrad
cannot resist said Tweets – and will probably end up doing them tonight, before
Pub Quiz – so too I doubt I can say “no” to Carrier Command FOR I AM WEAK!
A
Tidal Wave Of Toxic Terror!
Just because I need a short
article to get up to count, and people are scared of rats, I thought I’d Google
for an image of an enormous mass of them stampeding towards you, the viewer.
| Freaking and squeaking! |
I know, I know, I can be horrid that way.
Damn
Your Eyes!
A little harsh, yes, but Conrad
is still reeling a little from see that the cheapest copy of “The Founding Of
Evil Hold School”, the cheapest mind you, still clocks in at £60. I fondly recall reading this book as a
smaller version of myself and enjoying it immensely, which memory will have to
sustain me; the only literary thing I’ve paid £60 for was a set of maps in the
Official History of the First World War, and that was a one-off.
£60!
* In the sense of being rattish, not in the
sense of being tatty. Ah me how English
discriminates against the rat!
** A tad over-reacting, one feels
*** Roast rat, obviously, not
attempting to slay one’s fellow with phosphorus grenades
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