Search This Blog

Saturday, 23 September 2017

Octyphoopussy

Ha!
I suppose I need to quantify that one a little, as those of you who live in those blighted, benighted lands that lie beyond the shores of the Allotment of Eden may not be familiar with Typhoo, which is a brand of tea here.
Image result for uk map
The Allotment ("The Pond" if it's raining)
     I'm pretty sure I've blogged about this previously.  Give me a moment - ah!  Yes, all the way back from 2014, so I am going to shamelessly copy and paste it, because:

Tea!  Indian Or Chinese, It's Still Oh-So British
     Conrad - thanking the muses for a double dose of bus-powered inspiration - saw another poster on a bus rear** featuring Typhoo.
     Now, Typhoo is part of the British cultural landscape and has been for over a century.  This hide-in-plain-sight factor has blinded everyone except Conrad to the real question about Typhoo:  where the hell does the name come from?
     No!  It's not derived from a Typhoon.  As Darling Daughter observed, "Who would buy a tea called "Typhoon"?"
     A quick resort to Google-fu revealed that the name derives from Chinese, the word for doctor pronounced "Dai-Fu".
     BOOJUM!  Admit it - the world would be a duller place without it.

     - this way you get a valuable insight into the creative process as it works in the mind of your humble scribe.  Also, it ups the word count, yet that is but a by-product*.
Image result for typhoon
Well, something's brewing here.  A storm at tea?

Ooo-er, Matron!
I refer, of course, to those classic examples of British culture, the 'Carry On' films, which are compulsory viewing for any who seek to gain British citizenship*. They were full of smutty innuendo, which obviously - obviously! - we cannot replicate here on BOOJUM! as we cherish our SFW status.  This status is not something we are going to risk, so when you read a title like "Long Rod Penetrator", you'd better believe we are talking technically about anti-tank ammunition.
Image result for long rod penetrator
Sic.  Sick!

     "Can you hurry up, aged typist?" I hear you quibble.  "We need to shell the peas before 'Strictly' comes on."
     Pausing only to condemn your choice of televisual entertainment, I shall explicate.
     As you know, Conrad is passionately, possibly worryingly, interested in things that go BANG.  Hence all the mentions of nuclear and thermonuclear weapons, yet how I DO NOT HAVE ANY OF THEM, MI5, UNIT AND SPECTRUM*.  So, it was with an air of surprise that, last week, I came across the "Continuous Rod SAM".
     I know, I know - it sounds rather like the pseudonym of a actor in the <ahem> adult film industry, but No!  It is a variety of warhead as used when trying to shoot down aircraft.  Art?
Image result for continuous rod warhead
Rod doing his thing

     That above demonstrates what a CRS is and does.  At heart, it is an explosive core, around which are arrayed a pattern of metal rods welded together in a zig-zag pattern, although when inert they are so close together that you can't see any seams or welds.
     When fired as a SAM (Surface to Air Missile**) warhead, the CRS warhead will detonate if it gets into close enough proximity to said aircraft.  Now, aircraft may look big and butch and bulletproof -
Image result for sopwith camel
Ah - that idiot Art at work.  Excuse me -

<sounds of Tazer cannon being used, smells of flesh getting ionized>

    TO REPEAT!  Said aircraft may look to be big and invulnerable, yet they are most definitely not.  The CRS expands at frightening speed, into a giant metal hoop that, if it hits said aircraft, will cut it in half.  Art?
Image result for continuous rod explosion
Unmanned drone jet target, in case you were worried


How To Put It?
My friend Mandy has just posted on FB that she was stung by a wasp whilst out in the garden collecting apples.  She is regularly bitten by the blood-sucking fiends that inhabit her particular corner of the hellish Prestwich radioactive deserts.  Obviously she went out without the council-recommended protective gear.  Art?
Image result for them giant ants
Mandy and Trev get ready to mow the lawn
     I did point out that she ought to be wearing a HAZMAT suit and wielding, at the very least, a flamethrower, and an aerosol pesticide, with Trev backing her up as the armed overwatch manning a Browning .50 calibre.
Image result for browning .50
More practical than a hoe in Prestwich

*  Honest.
**  No, I don't know why they don't call it a "STAM".

No comments:

Post a Comment