BOOJUM! - unpredictable as the weather. Er - that is, as unpredictable as the weather wherever you are; in the Allotment it tends to be either slutch or summer, and slutch lasts nine months of the year*.
If you are reading this, then the Zombie Apocalypse has been delayed, so lay in a supply of drinking water and canned food for tonight. Don't forget to pack a paperback book or two; the apocalypse may be further delayed and it's a drag waiting around for the other shoe to drop.
 |
| At this point, you're in trouble |
Okay! I declare this horrid coffee-based-pun ship to be BOOJUM! and may God preserve the souls of any who dare set sail on her**.
Where was I? This stream-of-consciousness stuff is a bit confusing when the stream is more like a river with three channels, a weir and a whirlpool.
 |
| Conrad's mind; a schematic |
Oh yes - Conrad is considerably less bothered today. No doubt this will go down well at the UN Security Council and with both COBRA and FEMA.
"How can this be!" I hear you quibble. "For is not Conrad perpetually angry?"
True enough, although there are different shades of angry. No, I refer to Manchester Bookbuyers, who are back in business.
Okay, I spoke to Tarquin the owner (I doubt he is actually called "Tarquin" as he a bluff Mancunian but I like the name and it has a certain cachet to it) and he'd been off on holiday for a few weeks. I was lucky in acquiring my loot as he usually shuts at 4 post meridian, and by then it was 4:20.
The Haul
I like to share. Although, were you to lay your scrofulitic digits on that Crossword Companion, I'd sever them at the knuckle. This is a volume of much promise; it has about twenty pages of foreword and Introduction, followed by 2,000 pages of methods to beat crossword compilers over the head with an intellectual baseball bat.
I can hardly wait! I have saved up a couple of Cryptics from The Metro in order to more properly assess this mighty tome. It had better be useful; I stretched the tendons in my arms carrying it.
Veracity
Not to be confused with Vera Cruz, which means "True Cross" in Spanish. It's also a film, where an aging Gary Cooper gets one over a much more spry Burt Lancaster, who was named after a town in Lancashire, where -
Where was I? This stream-of-consciousness stuff is a bit confusing when the stream is more like a torrent with white water rapids, piranhas and an undertow.
Yes! Back to "Kelly's Heroes". Don't weep so, there's weeks of stuff to squeeze out of this one. Okay, allow Art to practice his dark discipline. Art?
This is why films have second directors. Please note the impressive amount of authentic military kit lined up here; a few minutes before a flight of propeller aircraft came hauling in over the tableaux, making it even more impressive. Your film director would be concentrating on the foreground action, just out of shot here, and he won't want to bother with ordering and arranging all the vast numbers of tanks and trucks and extras - that's the second director's job. You might have a third director responsible for arranging the aircraft part of this arrangement.
LIES! FILTHY LIES!
No, I am not fulminating upon First Bus timetables, although the bus prior to my 24 didn't turn up, meaning that we ended up getting rammed full of disgruntled passengers.
Here an aside, which I may have gone over before, but if so it was years ago and you've probably forgotten all about it, so perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned it - that rivulet of consciousness problem again - and it is: you may often hear about how very "Disgruntled" people are due to venting their Frothing Nitric Ire, yet the contrary is not true: happy people are never, ever dubbed "Gruntled". Probably because it sounds crude and unpleasant, like the collective noun for a party of hogs.
Where was I? Difficult to hear over the sound of rushing water -
- ah yes, LIES! DAMNED LIES! And "The Battle of the Bulge", Sixties vintage war film. This is essentially one giant lie from end to end. See?
 |
| YOUR FILTHY LIES! |
NO! IT WILL NOT DO!
I know I'm going on a bit, but this really annoys me. In KH they rebuilt T34's to stand in for Teuton Tiger Tanks. In TBOTB they don't even bother with camo paint.
AWAY WITH YOUR FILTHY LIES!
 |
| The truth shall = make Conrad incredibly cross |
I am now away to lie down in a darkened room to allow the throbbing veins in my temples to calm down a little. Pip pip!
* Actually ten, but I like to be optimistic
** BOOJUM! - witty not waterproof
No comments:
Post a Comment