Squirmy Germy Hermy

Stop Me If This Starts To Make Sense -
I believe I have told you how much I enjoy that modern horror classic, "The Thing"* and a line from it flew into my head whilst tapping out today's title.
     "I know I'm human," declares our hero, Mac.  "And if you were all these things then you'd just attack me.  So some of you are human, too."
     (I'm quoting from memory here, so don't quibble if I'm out a tad).
     In much the same way - I hope - you the readers are on my side when it comes to the travails and troubles of travel today, or otherwise - well, I suppose the blog traffic would die off, which is an hideously ironic thing to happen.
     "Oh do get on with it, Conrad!  Our patience is not infinite and the kettle is boiling!" I hear you say.
     Pausing to allow you to remove torsion stresses from your nether garments, I shall explicate.

Thus

     Hermes, the Greek god of travel, and your humble scribe have long been at loggerheads, since the days of the Fiat Punto at least, and Germy Hermy still likes to get a dig in now and then.  Today it was "Road closed in Royton", which might not strike you as big news.  It is!  Since Royton is a bottleneck for traffic and detouring would increase travel time beyond reason.  Hence a long, slow crawl along Rochdale Road.
     Then the bus journey was salted with more earthworks in Chadderton.  Nothing major, just enough to get the ire in motion, which is more than can be said for the bus.
     Then another major clog down by Police HQ, the result of multi-vehicle collision.  Fresh, as there were no <ahem> po-po in attendance, nor ambulances either.  Somebody appears to have come flying out of the junction and into the yellow box, at the same time someone else happened to incautiously occupy the same space.
     With this litany of woe behind us, let the motley begin!

I'm Not Entirely Sure About This -
The all-round wonderful Anna, because she is thoughtful**, brought back rock from her trip to Blackpool.  Allow me -

Yes you read correctly

     Colour me doubtful.
     Normally, if Conrad talks about a foodstuff that way, call the Bomb Squad, make sure your will is complete and retire to a safe distance (the Isle of Wight sounds about right).
     We shall see.
     Or, rather, Conrad will taste and get back to you.

Mission Log: "The Measure of a Man"
Another entertaining podcast from Ken and John.  You might have subtitled it "Data Dismantled"*** as that threat hangs over everyone's favourite android.  Let us introduce the villain of the piece, Maddox, who is more the mad scientist than mad doc***.  He wants Data's positronic brain, which creates a bit of a conflict because, surprise surprise, Data wants it too.  

Unlike Woody Allen, I'm pretty sure Data's brain is his most favourite organ

     Ol' Maddy is pretty certain that, if he wrenches Data's still-beating brain from it's sockets, he can put it in a blender and probably replicate it.  This may allow him to create whole armies of "disposable people".
     Yes, you probably noticed all the caveats there, and so did Data, making him keen to leave Starfleet quick smart.  Besides which, the brain resides with him, and possession is nine-tenths of the law?
     This would have made for a very short episode, so instead we shall have a trial to see if Data is property and he can be taken to bits and blended.
     Forced to act as prosecutor, Will Riker proves to be no piker and manages a very good attempt at proving that Data is, in fact, a Gameboy with legs.  Ol' Maddy can practically feel that throbbing brain in his hot sweaty trembling fingers!

How - disarming!***

     Except Picard, as defender, outdoes Riker, because the judge takes that crack about "disposable people" very seriously indeed.  Happy endings all round, except for - oh, that pathetic sobbing is Ol' Maddy.

"Brainnnnns!"

     Ken and John really went to town about the age of the actor playing Maddox and point out he is really far too young to be cast.  They also wonder why Doctor Pulaski doesn't take on the job of prosecutor, because the one thing she loathes about the Enterprise is - Data.  The being not the information.

WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU EATING!
This is the thought that flew into my head when I came across what was clearly toxic waste run through an atomic pile before having every E-number from 1 to infinity added -

Terrifying, right?

     I wasn't sure if the bowl had begun to disintegrate under the assault of this septic sludge, so I prepared to don a hazmat suit and clean it out, only to discover - 

     It was all a dream, or it was ice cream, certainly nothing so very extreme.


*  There is only the 1982 version as far as I'm concerned and that's that
**  And is almost a supporting character here as she gets mentioned so often
*** Did you see what I - O you do.