Euron Your Own!

 Yet Another Hilarious Play On Euro 2016
You surely weren't expecting any commentary on this Leave or Remain thing, did you?  Good lord aloft, if anything justifies our firm intention to avoid Politics, Religion or Current Affairs, this is it.
     No, I refer instead to the Fussball tournament currently in issue over on the Continent, and I am conflicted.  Conflicted, I tell you!
     "I suppose we'd better ask why.  He's going to tell all anyway," I hear you say.
     Well - first let me go and get a cup of tea - that's better.  I ought to chastise you for your frankly disrespectful attitude, so expect a visit from Tony the Ten Ton Terror Toad, ta very much.
     Apparently England are due to play Iceland tomorrow, on the Riviera, which is not one of the battlegrounds of the First Unpleasantness (coming after Loos and Lens).  This is not normally the sort of thing your humble scribe notices, as he is the most unsporting person (in both senses of the word) in the Northern Hemisphere, but my eager eye caught it chalked up on a pub noticeboard.

Iceland: voted Least Likely To Take Over The World

     Now, Conrad is of course a camouflaged alien spy with absolutely no loyalty to England in any way, so why should he support them in a sporting contest?  Well, to keep up appearances and ensure MI5 have less reason to investigate.  On the other hand, why should he support Iceland?

Because - this!

     I'm glad you asked.  Because of their stunning musical output, that's why.  Siggur Ros alone would merit your humble scribe shrieking "ISLAND!  ISLAND!  ISLAND!*" at the television, especially since their Glastonbury set was an epic of epics.  Plus Conrad has a fond regard for the plucky underdog and Iceland is just about the dictionary definition of same.
     So, tomorrow, England - you're on your own!

Everything In The Garden Is Blooming -
 - lovely.  In fact we're past the flower stage and getting onto being seriously fruitful, if you can say that of vegetables**.  Art?

Behold the bounty of beans!

     I didn't want to get too close to those runner beans, they look as if they'd get up and strangle you.  "Strangle" is also used as a deterrent by Wonder Wifey if your modest artisan's eyes stray too close to the strawberries (ground right).

"Star Trek - The Ultimate Computer"
I saw this Original Series episode yesterday and thought it bore up surprisingly well.  As you may not be familiar with this cult Sixties sci-fi show, I shall recap.  The Enterprise is ordered to Starbase 47, there to be fitted with a new supercomputer, the M5 Multitronic , after which she is to engage in wargames with other Federation starships, to test out the tactical ability of M5.

M5.  Mad for it.

     M5 is the brainchild - almost literally - of Richard Daystrom, here played by the African-American actor William Marshall, an imposingly large chap.  After all the blab about equality in the Federation it's interesting to see such an important role cast in this way.  The chap was a prodigy at 24, inventing the duotronic computer system - but we'll come back to that.

Kirk bests Daystrom with finger-fu

     Complete control of the Enterprise is assumed by M5, and it bests two other Constellation-class heavy cruisers without any human input.  Kirk sees an early retirement on the boards. After all, what could possibly go wrong?
     Whoops!  There we go.  M5 blows up an unmanned ore freighter, because it is, of course, a Mad Computer.  That's what can go wrong.  It then resists and actively prevents all attempts to shut it off.  Mad but not daft, it seems.
     Well, what else can go wrong?  Oh yes, those wargames.  M5 doesn't recognise the term any longer, to it this is the real thing and it gives the opposition a right blamming.  The opposition being the Lexington, Excalibur, Potemkin and Hood.  Those latter two a nod to the Ruffians and the Brits.  Conrad isn't sure how many starships the Federation has, but putting five into one small sector of space is pushing it a bit.

The Lexington gets a pummelling

     Ah, there goes the Excalibur - dead in the water and all her crew, too.
     Surely nothing else can go wrong?
     Well, yes.  Daystrom attempts to talk his computer down and instead has a complete breakdown himself, rambling about being the butt of jokes about the "boy wonder".  Great!  Who do we rely on now?
     James Tiberius Kirk, that's who.  No longer seeing a future as a pensioned-off superfluous skirt-chaser, he persuades M5 to commit suicide, which has the negative effect of putting the Enterprise squarely in the gunsights of the remaining three starships -
     - who do not open fire.  Commodore Wesley, leading the ships, has realised what occurred and - thanks to that human quality compassion, notably lacking in computers - decided not to end the series early.

Kirk gets ready to let Commodore Wesley have it, finger-fu style

     Now, part of the problem with M5 is that Daystrom programmed it with "engrams", mental patterns of a human being.  Himself.  Really, doesn't the Federation have any Health and Safety policy about this?
     "We're going to assign complete control of a starship bristling with phasers and photon torpedoes to a computer, and just assume whoever it's engram is based on is, y'know, fine.  After all, what can go wrong?"
      Also note the death toll in this episode is at least 453 yet we finish on an hilarious Waa-waa-waa note, which kind of jars after the foregoing.

Blimey!  Well over count already.  I do apologise for being so verbose.  Later!

 * Icelandic for "Iceland"
** We can.  I've decided.