Remainder Reminder Kinder

Yes, Yes, I Know I'm Stretching With "Kinder"
 - which is intended to rhyme with "kinda" and thus rhyme with "Reminder".  Although the spellchecker hasn't picked up on it.
     Following on from yesterday's glib dismissal of the film "Remainder", which is probably a grim monochrome slice-of-misery set on a rubble-strewn council estate seething with drugs and gangs*, with the sense of humour of Jan Svankmajer and the low-key approach of Michael Bay -
     - sorry, where was I?  Oh yes, remainder.  The food item, not the film.  Sorry if I got off track there**.  Allow me to prove my crack about a 50% diet of food on it's sell-by-date.  Art?

Attainder of remainder

     Not present here is the block of cheese from last week that I scoffed for brunch, nor the two cheeseburgers dated "Best before June 10th" which I guzzled this afternoon.  I didn't dare risk giving any to Edna, in case it upset her stomach, which would definitely put your humble scribe on Wonder Wifey's hit list.  That was five hours ago and I'm fine, so they might have been okay for the Wunderhund to consume, but it's best not to take chances with other folk's stomachs.
     Okay, enough Intro, let the motley commence!

Thank You Gary Sheffield
That's PROFESSOR Gary Sheffield to you.  He and I are such good mates that I can call him Gaz.
     "What?  Are you referring to the author of that seminal volume "Forgotten Victory"?" I hear you declaim.  "About the First World War and busting myths about it?"
     Leaving aside the worrying fact that you are indeed correct and I'd no idea you were that well-informed, I shall propound.
     I follow Gaz on Twitter, where he is a consistent, although not prolific, Tweeter.  Damn it, the man's got to mark homework and write books, don't you know!  Anyway, he promoted the following mag.  Art?

     It's not apparent on the cover, but Gaz wrote the title article, and it sums up in a few pages what he also wrote in his own book about the Somme.  No doubt a lot of myths will get trotted out again on 1st July 1916; just to set the tone, remember that German memorials to the Somme date it from the 24th June (another historical date that somehow slipped my mind), when they began to suffer under an enormous British and French bombardment.
     But wait!  That's not all, there's also a crossword in this magazine.  Conrad normally completes a crossword in ink; not this one, as he wasn't sure how many answers he'd actually get correct.  The evidence is herewith supplied.  Art?

Added in pencil

     All done without Googling.  I later corrected "Uganda" to "Rwanda", which meant I also got 17 Down - "Uprising".  I then happened to be reading an article on the English king Aethelstan, which gave the answer to 8 Across, so it's possible that the answers are all present in the magazine itself.

Murderous Midsomer 
Conrad, dogsitting as usual on a Saturday afternoon, was eating his remaindered yoghurt and idly watching television, deciding that "Midsomer Murders: The Green Man" seemed the best of an insipid bunch.  I haven't seen it before but on the evidence available it appears to be a policier set in the bucolic Southern shire town of Midsomer, which has a higher murder rate than London, New York and Mexico City combined.  Nice scenery though.  Probably sells well abroad.

Quick!  Stop the killings before there's nobody left!

     None of which is anything to do with my commentary here**.  Sorry about that!  What I meant to say is that it's on ITV and thus has commercial breaks, which are bookended by ads for the sponsors - and their adverts all include People Of Advanced Years.
     "I say!" I can hear you gloat.  "There's going to be a shrieking explosion of rage about this!" and you pull open a bag of popcorn.
     But no.
     - oh look, there's been a murder! -
     It's actually rather refreshing to see an advert not full of beautiful bright young things, your humble scribe having 
     - oh look, another murder! -
      - your humble scribe having long passed that stage.  You can put the popcorn back.

BACK! I said

     The annoying thing is that I was off in the kitchen when the big reveal came, so I have no idea who the murderer is, nor why they killed, and none of the available websites give any detail at all past the first killing.

Well, that's us up to count.  However, I would like to leave you an image from the hilarious "Jim'll Paint It" website, and herein the link:

http://jimllpaintit.tumblr.com/

     I suspect Jim is padding out the content rather, but this is such a brilliant picture I forgive him.

     Your mission, Jim, should you choose to accept it***, is to identify all these pixellated icons as their Doctor Who characters.


* - or - not.
** I do that a lot.  It's why people like me.
*** A steal from the opening of "Mission Impossible"