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Thursday 2 June 2016

Beleaguered By Lager

Kopparberg Fruit Lager?  NO!
In my notes of yesterday I merely added a string of more "NO!"s to the line above, which, whilst heartfelt and earnest, doesn't really amount to an analysis of the problem.  Besides which I have a word count to aim for*.
     Let me expound upon the matter.
     "Yes please do, Conrad, especially as "Pointless" is on soon and we're big fans," I hear you say.
     Starting slightly in surprise at your good taste in quiz shows, I shall continue.
     We in the UK have long harboured suspicions about Continental lagers; it's not British therefore it cannot be good.  Acceptable, perhaps, and a cheap way to get a buzz, yet still - not good.
     Now, according to a bus poster, we now have to contend with an hideous Scandinavian import:  Fruit-flavoured lager.  Clearly these foreigners are trying a strategic pincer movement!  The picture - Art?
Image result for kopparberg fruit lager poster
Yes.  Well.
     - tries to imply that this is a Big Manly Drink by having people wrestling with a set of horns in order to get the tops off.  Please note no tasteless puns here, BOOJUM! remains SFW.     
There's no apparent mention of what fruit this liquid is tainted with, although the point is mute - lager ought to taste of lager, not the contents of the produce aisle in Tescos.  Why not simply label it "Swedish W.K.D."**?
     Oh, and for today's coincidence, please look no further than 3 Down in today's Cryptic Crossword - "Some undrinkable liquid".
     Bah!

"Grant Takes Command" - By Bruce Catton
This weighty hardback tome is one of a series of three - I think, no dustjacket supplied - that I picked up in the Oxfam bookshop whilst waiting for the bus.  It concerns the American Civil War and is complex stuff, since although it supplies maps of the principal battlefields, it could really do with a large-scale one of the whole theatre of war.  That way your humble scribe could follow it better.
     The war ran from 1861 to 1865, long by the standards of the time.  A long European war of this era typically lasted a lot less than a year, whereas GTC is in the third year of war with no end in sight.
Image result for chattanooga
Chattanooga blue view
     Tellingly, railroads are becoming vital in the prosecution of warfare thanks to their effect on logistics.  For the animal-lovers amongst you the descriptions of miserable treatment that horses and mules endure is harrowing stuff.
     And at the point I have now reached, late 1863 after the telling Union victory at Chattanooga, there's an awful lot of politicking about, with interested parties attempting to either prod Grant into declaring political intent or sounding out his views on running for President.  Given his rather shy nature and avowed spurning*** of any political office, one wonders how he did end up as President.  Twice!


SAVE YOURSELF! By Forming An Orderly Queue
Recall, if you will, Conrad's long list of Global Catastrophic Risks, a heart-warming index of various ways Hom. Sap. might get wiped out in the near future.  What did I speculate?  a multi-modal Global Catastrophe, that's what - an asteroid impact where the asteroid turned out to be carrying a lethal alien virus that actually turned out to be nanobots.  Triple-whammy, you might say, or Being Thorough if you believe in a wrathful Deity.  Exploded, diseased and grey-goo'd out of existence.
     "What's the barmy old twit ranting on about NOW?" I hear you kvetch.
     Leaving aside your less-than-reverent attitude towards my advanced years, I shall enlarge.
Sinister, is it not?
     You remember the Rosetta Mission to land a probe, Philae, on the comet 67P Churyumov-Gerasimenko?  Well, it's reported back, in nice bland language: "Ingredients regarded as crucial for the origin of life on Earth have been discovered by Rosetta at Comet 67P/C-G. They include the amino acid glycine, which is commonly found in proteins, and phosphorus, a key component of DNA and cell membranes."
     Very calmly put.  It isn't even reported on the Beeb's website.  My advice?
     RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!  HEAD FOR THE HILLS!  ENTER YOUR SURVIVAL BUNKER NOW! and remember to take a gas-mask^.
Image result for alien invaders comet
This feller knew what he was talking about

I have just been summoned by the dinner bell, so excuse me whilst I go to devour whatever it is - it was a curry and your humble scribe is now full of rice and chick peas.

Right - time to do the weekly shop!

* At least 750 words total, since you ask.
** "Woeful Kid's Drink"
***  This sounds rude but is actually entirely SFW.  
^  10 Cloverfield Lane reference there.

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