Don't worry, it's still your loveable camouflaged alien spy, and no I've not been replaced by a puling human copy.
Still, you might be forgiven for wondering, especially given the relationship between Conrad and First Bus - mutual loathing in case you weren't aware - and that you ought to know how his mind works, at least a little, and I can confirm it is a thing of wonder and terror, tending toward the latter.
You may have noticed that I have stopped lambasting the Twits and the Foobs for fear of getting predictable. First Bus, however, deserve every gram of citric venom ladled over them*. Today's bus had the heating on, for example.
So. Let us imagine First Bus as a source of goodness, peace and goodwill.
Not, of course, by design ...
Picture the scene -
SARAJEVO POLICE HEADQUARTERS JUNE 29th 1914
CHIEF INSPECTOR: The Archduke is very unhappy. That was his favourite uniform.
DETECTIVE ONE: Has he tried baking powder?
CI: Silence, you buffoon! It's your job to prevent assassinations, not make cleaning tips.
DETECTIVE TWO: We were never trained on How To Stop Pies.
D1: Bombs, knives, guns, yes. Pies - no.
CI: Shut up! How on earth was a pie supposed to assassinate him?
D2: It was full of really hot curried beef, sir.
D1: The tin had a sharp edge. And it came with a card:' "Thus perish all tyrants" The Black Hand Gang (Organised by First Bus)'
CI: Now, about the second attempt -
D1: The victim was found shot dead, with another card on him.
D2: He was a part-time shopping clerk from Most.
CI: What? Why kill him?
D1: He was called Franz Ferdinand.
CI: God spare us from amateurs and idiots! What about the documents we seized? What do they tell us?
D2: They are going to try again in five years by altering the Earth's gravity, thus causing a collision with the Moon, which will severely impact bacon prices and send cats out of control. In blue.
CJ: What? WHAT! That's utter gibberish! Sheer nonsense!
GAVRILO PRINCIP: Did anyone order pie?
| It's a sandwich not a pie. A Gavrilo Princip pie is a hard thing to find. |
Much Of The Evil Dead
There was a bountiful amount of stuff on social media last night about the Evil Dead. This is a good thing because, along with every right-minded Hom. Sap., Conrad loves the Evil Dead.
Why such a presence? Because the second season of "Ash Versus The Evil Dead" is on and because it was Bruce Campbell's birthday. If you have to stop to ask "What? Who?" then THE EXIT DOOR IS THAT WAY!
Have an AVTED publicity photo. Art?
 |
I Warned You. I WARNED YOU!
Did you pay attention? No, you did not. See what happens when Man Mucks Around With Things He Was Not Meant To Know? You get Promobot IR77. Art?
 |
| Look at it's hideous grinning face |
Look, if this isn't a warning about Skynet and the Terminators then I don't know what is.
RUN! Save yourselves! Head for the hills! Unless you live in Holland, in which case get upstairs.
A Glimpse Into A Hidden World
Kind of like English Civil War re-enactors or Subbutteo, the world of the church organ is not one that you expect to come across very often. Now, Conrad is fond of organ music, and has weblinks to various sites, so he might expect to see this kind of thing more often than you. Art?
We can only look forward to early 2017 and the inaugural performance, can't we?
Now, I am going to end here as it's Pub Quiz tonight and I need to get a bit of intellectual exercise in.
Although I already totally rocked it with the MEN Cryptic and Cross Code.
* Okay, with only a gram of venom it would be a very small ladle. More a teaspoon. Happy now?
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