Ah, you know, sometimes I amuse even myself. Not right now, admittedly. But wait!
Okay, now I'm amused. You can only post a title like that on a Tuesday. I've already gotten myself in trouble with Latin today, putting "circa" in a note that utterly baffled Olivia over on Payroll, until I explained it merely meant "about" and could be expressed as "@" if you felt like being terse.
How true is that. Recall, if you will, that cabin in the woods which featured in the "Evil Dead" films. Art?
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| NOT appealing |
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| All that remains |
Enough of Latin and literature, let us wallow instead in something cheesy and daft.
Chock Full Of
I did mention yesterday about having 37 sweet teeth*. Allow me to literally illustrate the point:
Gaze upon them and weep. That, for your information, is a Banana Twinky, although the only connection with bananas is - is - is - I'll get back to you on that one. The drink is the hilariously-titled "Mountain Dew" which couldn't be further from the truth, unless it's a re-brand from "Mountain D'You Know What's In This?"
Nor is this all. By the time I took this photo I'd consumed my Key Lime Slime Twinky, so here's one from this evening:
As you can see it appears to ooze green goo (hilarious, right!) and might reappear around Halloween as a Zombie Twinky. Conrad also confesses it tastes Green, rather than Lime, although in his book that's actually a plus.
Enforcing Orwell's Law
I don't think I added this to my long list of Things Unique To The Blog, although, since it is one of the enduring things about Eric Arthur Blair that generations to come will remember, along with trifles like "Animal Farm" and "1984", I shall explain.
George spent time in Spain during the Civil War there (fighting, not being a tourist) and observed this of Spanish trains: nine times out of ten they were late. However, you couldn't count on this and turn up late yourself, as the other one time in ten they were early.
"Gosh! Where can Conrad possibly be going with this!" I hear you ask, which gives me pause as I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not. Now, bear in mind that I wrote this yesterday but am only posting it today because That's The Kind Of Wild And Crazy Guy I Am.
"Today the morning 24 was a double-decker. Hooray! And since it had carried copious copies of tomorrow's fish-and-chip wrapper, I got to do the Cryptic Crossword. Huzzah!
It was also well early. But so was your humble scribe, so things played out to a draw.
I write this on the 24 bus home - a mobile single-decker sauna which, predictably, left early, once it was scrummed full.
"Only breaking down can stop me from getting home now!" I gloated.
Silly Conrad. Silly, silly Conrad.
Fate, however, was either a bit dozy (it is pretty warm today) or she was wearing her old spectacles, as she broke down the 182 ahead of us. So we were slightly delayed as a sad collection of detritus waited at the bus stop, until the passengers got off it and boarded our bus.
You May Commence Worrying Now
You know Conrad. I speak as I find, I type as I taste and I take care never to sit with my back to the door**. Moral compass? Never heard of it. Self-censorship? Geddoudahere! Which makes it all the more remarkable that I didn't Tweet this last night. Art?
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| Caricature of John Prescott |
Not very edible, mayhap, yet doughty. Look at the set of that jaw, and the no-nonsense glint in the eye.
Also, John looks a bit of a tough customer capable of dishing out some pretty hard punches, so my reticence is only sensible.
** Special Forces training.
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