Yes, Conrad's shameless, charmless and frankly base attempt to boost blog traffic continues, by exploiting individual members of The Beatles. It would be tricky to use the group's name as there isn't much scope for rhyming anything with "Beatle", except maybe "foetal", and that looks to be a bit too far over the dividing line of Good Taste.
Anyway, George. Pretty obviously he wasn't part of the major songwriting duo, and he couldn't hit things with rhythmic precision, so he had to carve out his own niche as The Third Man, in a way.
| No! |
| George, totally rocking it with the "Jesus" look |
Conrad missed this seminal media event <sad face> which is a good thing as funds are low and he'd have been tempted to buy lots of wonderful things and hike up a huge overdraft <happy face>.
Darling Daughter went last year and said it was rammed, with a huge queue to get in. Once you're in, however, you are, to coin a phrase, Amongst Your Own Kind.
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| Kinds like this |
More Of Darling Daughter
You may not be aware, as the modest father that I am doesn't boast very often, but Sally is doing a 3D Art & Design degree at Manchester Metropolitan University. She left behind at the Mansion a vast roll of prep work, designs, sketches and organisational trees, which were due for the bin.
There's a couple of the ones I saved. Quite what to do with them now is another matter; tacking to the walls, probably, to enhance the Upstairs Lair.
An Old Complaint Letter Draft
I'm sure you enjoyed a bit of schadenfreude* at my letter of complaint as detailed on BOOJUM! last week. I did in fact send another letter to First Bus last year, over a couple of sides of lined A4, handwritten, so I don't have a copy of it to copy and paste.
I did find the draft version in my notebook, so you can now enjoy even more schadenfreude. Not too much, it has calories.
"Dear Sir, Madam or Other
Just as drama derives from conflict, so surely must excitement derive from uncertainty.
At least, this is how I understand the administrative and planning functions of First Bus operate.
"Won't it be so much more EXCITING if our passengers enjoy that frisson of uncertainty!"
I also suppose your managers agreed.
"Reliability and timetables are so blase! What passengers need is a little sampling of the eternal chaos that drives the universe."
Thus the 24, 181 and 182 services are become - erratic. And that's being kind.
Let us examine your slogan "Get on board with First Bus".
Firstly, to be able to get on a First Bus, it needs to be there. A small point, perhaps, yet quite important.
Next, there is the issue of being physically able to board the bus. The 24 service runs only every 30 minutes and is consequently totally "rammed" with standing-room only being the rule, not the exception.
- here an aside. Are the Master Timetables engraved on granite? Or stone? Etched, perhaps, on a sheet of platinum? Never to be altered? Because the 24 maintains the same frequency at rush hour as at noon. At these times when travellers are greatest in number, when logic would dictate more buses - "Ah", says First Bus management. "Our timetables were laid down by our ancestors in times long past. We dare not amend them for fear of offending the gods." One supposes you have to consult the entrails of a goat before altering a schedule?
(A Transcription of a Timetable and Route Meeting)
SENECA: Forsooth, Tarquin! The omens are not propitious! This goat's liver has three lobes to it.
TARQUIN: Aye, Seneca. Last night a black cat crossed my path, and there were owls.
SENECA: So - we ignore the roadworks and use the same route?
Back to your slogan "Get on board".
Thirdly, it's no use me getting on a service that is supposed to go to Rochdale but stops in Royton, or which should go to Shaw and which stops in Chadderton at random. Do your drivers get an Arbitrary Destination Alteration bonus?
Lastly, and I make this point because I am not convinced that First Bus's HQ staff actually understand the world of work - as they are all independently wealthy and only come into the office to stave off boredom - but those of us who catch the bus of a morning are usually trying to get into our place of employment.
Big hin: employers like employees to arrive ON TIME.
Let us amend your slogan to one a little more accurate. "Get on A board". The board in question being a skateboard, a far more efficient, reliable and accommodating form of transport than First Bus."
Well there you are. We shall see if last week's letter generates a reply, as the one above didn't. But then again - it's First Bus.
That draft has really pushed up the word count, so I shall post a couple of pictures and clear off. Don't want to push customer patience too much**.
Dog Dancing On Duvet
Edna, easily trained and always up for a treat, did her Standing On Back Legs trick for the camera yesterday:
She had hours of fun with the squishy orange ball.
Cat Takes Both Nap And Mickey
Inevitably, when Conrad set his book down upon the kitchen table, who came along but Jenny -
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| Two minutes earlier that table was cat-free |
*German - malicious enjoyment at another's expense, a.k.a. rubbing hands with glee
** Unlike First Bus
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