The Nuclear Newt Of The Kyles Of Bute

It Might Be A Thing ...
I can confirm that The Kyles Of Bute exist, oh yes definitely.  

Where the marker is

     It's the name for the stretch of water between the Isle of Bute and the mainland, and as to why they call it the "Kyles" - no idea.  Probably makes more sense in Gaelic.
     Now, you probably haven't heard of "Beaufort's Dyke" - no sniggering at the back there! - which is a submarine trench between Scotland and Northern Ireland, viz:

No idea why "Beaufort" nor why "Dyke" when it's a trench.

     This site was used to dump explosive and chemical weapons at the end of the Second Unpleasantness, and more recently low-level nuclear waste.
     So, if there were any newts living there, which is pure speculation on Conrad's part as I know nothing about the living habits of newts, then they might become irradiated, and it's not far to the Kyles of Bute.
     Given that we haven't seen any 2,000 lb fire-breathing laser-eyed monster mutants ambling up on the Tighnabruich shoreline, Conrad's title of today might be a tad exaggerated*.  

Of course, there's always Tony the Ten Ton Terror Toad

Now, let the blog proper begin.

Saturday Morning Breakfast Ice Cream
As you surely know by now, Conrad is overly fond of ice cream for breakfast, and will stubbornly insist on eating it despite the looks of bewilderment from his fellow staff.  One day - one day, maybe quite soon, this will no longer be seen as unusual.

Ice cream boldly in red

Now, let's analyse this.  38th Welsh Division, a nice short divisional history, only 85 pages long, of which a whole lot is given up to it's formation and training.  Not a lot of room left for history after that!  Any good?  I'll get back to you on that.
     "Amiens to the Armistice" - I've finished reading this, so it would normally go on the Read Book Pile, except I recalled it had a fair amount of information on the formations attached to the BEF's Army Corps.  This might have your eyes glazing over - SIT DOWN! - but it's hard to find out information about these units and I know so because I've tried.  Thus I shall be doing what many people would feel like Horrible Punishment, trawling through a book checking for data.
     However, I love it!
     "Gravity's Rainbow" - nearly finished it, in fact only 25 pages to go.  Don't worry, I've got another Long Complicated Weird Book ready to tag-team once I'm through with Tom.
     Offstage: a litre pot of tea.
Also:

     These are bagels with my home-made persimmon jam.  Why is this an issue?  Well it must be at least 6 months old and is still perfectly edible, although I would expect it to be so as it's about 50% sugar.  Preserves, you see, remain preserved.

Supervillains WIth Their Pants Down
Yes, BOOJUM!, ever one to change direction like a weathervane, ringing the changes, inspiring innovation and all that shizzle**.  I've not run out of superheroes, it's just that they do follow a trope - super-fast, super-strong, superfast-and-superstrong, wings, fins and lots-of-hi-tec-gadgets, and once you've done one, that's it for the others.  Except their cape might be a different colour.
     So today we groove to a different music, Supervillains.  Who's first?
     The Joker!
     His iteration in anything prior to the Heath Ledger character was pretty cheesy.  The Fromage Factor went out the window with Heath, and the Jared Leto version looks positively terrifying.

Oh for the days of Cesar Romero ...

     If this bloke says he's going to hurt you really badly, take it as given.

Here an aside.  One thing that always made Conrad spit in scorn 

and derision was that the supervillains of the Marvel and DC universe

were always put in prison, or given a 150 hour Community Service Order for

murdering hundreds of people and blowing up entire city blocks in Gotham.

Then enter "Suicide Squad".

The rationale here is that they can then earn a reprieve from their sentences

if they carry out ridiculously dangerous missions on behalf of the city.

"I'm not going to hurt you.
I'm just going to BASH YOUR BRAINS IN HARHARHAR!"

     Anyway, The Joker.  What would be the petty and not-so-petty nuisances to pervade his day to day life were he real?
     1) Sunshine.  With his pasty white skin, he'd burn instantly.  With his pasty white skin, he couldn't tell where the suncream had been put on or not.  Or, he could move from Gotham to Britain, where sun would be way down his list of problems.
     2)  The Police.  Imagine you're a cop and you see this swivel-eyed loon grinning maniacally and laughing to himself.  You ARE going to arrest him, because he's so obviously whacked-out on naughty chemicals.
     3)  Inappropriate Social Interaction.  Anyone naive, daft, drugged or drunk enough to think The Joker is smiling happily at how wonderful the world is - are liable to get the sharp edge of The Joker's tongue, in which case see b)
     4) Students. Especially at Rag Week.  "Oh please Joker, tell us of some amusing and awesome practical jokes."

"I had to ask"

     5) Post, and legal matters.  What's his real name?  Has he legally amended it?*** How does he get his mail delivered?  How can he respond to a request for jury service?***
     6)  Bars, pubs, restaurants and off-licences.  These may all refuse him service based on his behaviour.  And looks.  His behaviour and looks.  And past history.  Okay, behaviour, looks and past history.

"As a supervillain, I'm not paying for this.
Also, I murdered all the staff."

* But only a tad.
** This isn't too rude, is it?  I do worry.
*** As a supervillain, probably not