"I've Got A Little Black Book With Me Poems In"

So Spoke Roger Waters
 - In one of the tracks from "The Wall", an obscure album by a cult band* from the Seventies.
     Or maybe it was the Eighties?
     Actually I remember the review of this album in the New Musical Express, where it stated that ideas enough for a single had been spread out over a double album.  Yah boo sucks to you, N.M.E. - it's a classic.  So there.
     Anyway, I also have a little black book with me poems in, and all the notes I make for the blog, and to prove it:

 

Okay, there is a bit of white there too.

And now that the Hamster-defying Intro is over, let us move on, to -

Coincidence.  You're In My Seat
As you may remember, Conrad was banging on earlier this week about a few words and their origin and meaning, and one he taught you about was "Excoriating". Taken literally it means to "abrade the skin", as in all those cowboy films where the hero gets dragged behind a horse.  Metaphorically it means "Stern criticism".  It is not a commonly-used word at all, yet what do we find in the Preface to "On Thermonuclear War"?
     No!  Not an isometric view of a circuit diagram.  "Excoriating", used in the sense of critics of Mr Khan's seminal work.
     The Universe is clearly trying to tell me something.

Bloomin' Coincidence Monsters, stealing my seat ...

A Little Musical Critique
Normally those four words would be enough to send Simon and Garfunkel running for cover, mother and a bottle of tranquilizers.  Not today, chaps!  No, today we focus on "Blinded By The Light", which was taken to No. 1 in this country by the Manfred Mann** Earth Band, but which was actually written by Bruce Springsteen. So, let the forensic analysis begin!

"Blinded by the light"

CLOSE YOUR EYES THEN!

"Revved up like a deuce"

Obscure American vehicle reference noted - hang on, is the narrator DRIVING?  Whilst BLIND?!

"Another runner in the night"

Hang on, I'm confused, I thought he was driving?

"Madman drummers, bummers"

As Nick Mason*** has observed, a drum machine cannot vomit on the carpet nor destroy an hotel room, so the madman drummer still has a long shelf-life.  SFW BOOJUM! would like to point out that "bummer" in South Canadian slang refers to a bad time, not sodomisers.  Although that encounter would probably incur a bad time for someone ...

"Indians in the summer"

What?  Is this a sly reference to an Indian summer?  Or Native Americans? Or the sub-continent? Colour Conrad Confused.

"With a teenage diplomat"

Hilarious!  The conceit of a spotty, sulky, stroppy, slang-spouting teenager being a skilled linguist and negotiator is a winning one.

I think we've whaled the tar out of Bruce enough on that one.  I would like to say that, although it makes absolutely NO sense, the MMEB version really is a corker.

And at least one of them is wearing SUNGLASSES!

A Pome For Dan
Yes, it's bitterly ironic, almost a killing joke that Conrad, who hates all nearly all poetry, gets to put together a bit of doggerel for a person leaving our team.  And here it is for Dan:

A POME FOR DAN

Dan is an indisputably chatty young man,

Talking came earlier to him than walking.

He’s never been one to shout “Chit-chat CEASE!”

Rather he’s the one usually doing the blather.

Dedicated to shredding Dan’s so motivated

Gym has become a second home to him.

Curls, rips and squats, all to impress the girls –

Rabs, are you moved by the sight of Dan’s abs?

My assay of Dan notices his roving eye –

Now, Margot Robbie makes Dan respond with a “Wow!”

He also appreciates other forms of “She”

Goggling over the Victoria Secret’s Modelling.

Far travelled is our man running a bar.

When I say “far”I mean further than Wigan.

Indonesia, in fact, Dan you globe-trotting geezer.

Whence he went to avoid a prison sentence.

Babysitting is an ability of Dan’s most befitting

Mister Smith copes well with younger sister.

“Copes” should perhaps be surrounded by quotes,

Bed-settled was Evie, copping her zeds

Dear brother, meanwhile, babysat pizza and beer.

So, to sum up, Daniel Smith, when you go –

OH! What a change in the noise-to-signal ratio!

     I would like to point out the bit about a prison sentence was invented by me and probably has no bearing on reality.

Too many words! Show some pictures!

End The Cruelty Now!  
Ladies and Gentlemen, and those not quite sure, let me show you the shocking depths of depravity that some people will descend to in order to get rid of slugs:

     I feel a petition coming on.


Well now, we've hit the word limit already, thanks to that Pome for Dan.  And I had so much more to say!  I suppose I'll be saying it tomorrow.



* Punk Floyd? Pink Flayed?  Something like that.
** He was South African when it was very unhip to be so
*** Drummer with Ponk Flied.