Roma

We Will Indeed Visit Roma -
 - just not yet.  First we have to sneak a couple of puns past the sleepless squinting Siberian sclera (eyes) of the Hamster Elite, that corps of sentry rodents standing guard over the internet and all it's denizens.
     So - we shall divert them with an explanation of how to make a fourth declension of a Latin verb - no, only kidding, we shall present them with the quotidian (daily) concurrence of 

Another Cyberman

      Conrad admits that the calendar is looking a bit the worse for wear, and that - okay, a lot the worse for wear - and that great big impatient sausage fingers, wielding a knife, are probably not the most sensitive way to open advent calendar doors.  This is because I''m in a rush in the morning, when there are mere minutes to spare before venturing out to catch the bus* and I DON'T HAVE TIME TO BE SUBTLE!  Thank you.

Ah, Christmas
A splendid time of year for two reasons.
1)  A new Peter Jackson film.
2)  A Doctor Who special**.

Matt: "These are rubbish!"
David: "Yeah, Harry Potter got all the really good ones."

     Oh and there's some nonsense about pine trees and presents, but Hey!  Peter Jackson!
     I shall let you into a rather private fact:  Peter didn't always film the works of Tolkein.  No.  He did the epic "Bad Taste" on a shoestring budget - actually more of a taglet budget - spread out over several years, as and when time, friends (i.e. the cast and crew) and money permitted.
     Fresh from this triumph, he did a parody of the Muppets films, and the only reason he avoided having his bottom sued off was surely because this would have provided priceless publicity.
     I give you - "Meet the Feebles":

Yes, top right is a "Deer Hunter" parody, by Harry the Hophead Frog

     Do not be confused by the fact that these are puppets - this is an R-rated film and if it was ever reviewed by the Daily Mail would have been condemned as "THIS DISGUSTING FILTH!!"  Filth, yes; disgusting - well that depends on your point of view and if you find drug addiction, extortion, robbery, disease, drug dealing and murder to be unpleasant subjects then you're probably better-off watching "Straw Dogs"*** or "Grave of the Fireflies"^

A Farewell To Harms
I know we have long laid The Skreeming Voles to rest, but - dammit, Conrad's mind refuses to let go and after a throw-away remark yesterday he came up with a verse they might well have composed on a record like "Under the Vole-cano".  Master Lyricist, please!

RABID WEASEL MARINES -

THE MADNESS RUNS IN THEIR GENES.

YOU DON'T WANT TO MESS

WITH THIS MASS OF EXCESS,

AS THEY MAKE SUCH DREADFUL SCENES

     There you go, a final salute to the now-defunct group^^.

Here an aside.  Queuing up for his morning Double Espresso, Conrad noticed the magazine display opposite the queue.  There were three levels:  the posher magazines on top, the tabloid tat in the middle and the kid's stuff on the bottom.

Kind of like this but with only 75%

     Makes you think, eh?
     No?  It's just me?

Spiderman
Conrad has long had a little verse that amuses him about Spiderman, although he frankly wonders about the origin story for Peter Parker, as radioactive spider venom would probably turn you into a rotting corpse before your putrefying carcass hit the floor like a sack of canker-ridden maggot-riddled cucumbers -
      - sorry, kind of went off at a tangent there.  I know, I know, I can tell what you're thinking - but if they'd called the character "Doctor Why" it would remove the opportunity for puns when - Oh!  Sorry, you want to know the rhyme.
     Picture first:

Spiderman: looking to get in on Godzilla's action

"Spiderman, Spiderman

Does whatever a spider can.

Hides in cupboards, scares housewives.

Likes to eat dirty flies."

It'll never win a Grammy, I admit.  And, next time you hear that theme tune, try keeping my lyrics out of your head ...

Roma
Yes indeed!  Take a good look at this lad:

A Viking

     Yes, a Viking.  Hence a Roamer^^^.


* First Bus timetables: a joke in search of an audience
** See?  See?  See how it all cleverly links together?
*** Which is not about dogs.  Nor straw.
^ The most depressing animated film ever.  Really.
^^ Mister Hand, spasming with indignation, points out that the band never existed!

^^^ Close enough