I've Gone To Pieces

Literally!
Let me elaborate:

Thanks to Anna for the photograph

      I amuse myself so much at times that I risk a hernia.
      Note that you still can't tell who I work for.  Also note, at centre left, the bottle of ice now full of cloudy lemonade.

Barley Kernels
The cafe at work sports various wall decorations and designs from products and adverts that go back over a century, illustrating our company's past.  One caught my eye yesterday, but I couldn't post it since there was no possible link, however tenuous, with Astronomy.
     "Barley Kernels", it stated, "Make a delicious creamy pudding".
     What are Barley Kernels?  

No! He's barely a colonel.

     I know, I know, I can tell what you're thinking, but if they were called "Gymkhanas" it wouldn't fit on the - Oh!  Sorry, you were wondering about Pearl Barley?
     Sounds like a black chanteuse with a backing band of brilliantined balladeers - but it's actually barley that's not only had the outer husk removed, it's been polished as well.
     No!  Not sent to Gdansk for a week - given a buffing to bring out the shine.
     Thus, Conrad suspects, Barley Kernels are the dull, glamourless cousins of the pampered pearl variety, although still basically the same.  He might dig out a recipe to see what comes of them.
     And we here in the UK can stand proud; we are 8th in the world rankings of barley-producing countries, ahead of Argentina AND the South Canadians!

Pearl Barley and her Kernels. No, hang on a minute -

More Maltreatment Of The Litter-Tray Liner*
Dear me yes indeed.  Apparently there is a programme currently running on television called "I Am A Nobody Celebrity Girning For Money Get Me Out Of Obscurity Here".  The Metro has decided to feature this in it's inner pages in the usual desperate scramble to fill in the bits not made up of adverts.
     I give you:

Who?

     Who is she?  No idea!  Not interested! Go away - very far away - Mars would do.  The Moon?  Okay, that I can compromise with.

Breaking News!  Tramp Vest Insulation Redeems Itself!**
Just as a stopped clock is right twice a day, or only once if it's a digital using the twenty-four hour system, or not at all if the batteries are dead or either or both of the hands have fallen off***

     - just so the Metro will occasionally get it right.  They gave The National a good review, and <thinks hard> had an interview with Chris Pine.  Today they interviewed Bill Murray, who was predictably droll.  Bill?  

Your fill of Bill

     Bill was not positive to the idea of a Ghostbusters 3, and unless Dan Ackroyd can bring Harold Ramis back from the dead, Ghostbusters 2 is as far as the franchise goes^.

G.O.O.H.W.Y.D.
I still haven't figured out what this puzzling acronym refers to.  Hardly an item for the blog, I admit.  But it is mysterious.  Is it the title of a film? A novel? A song? None of the above?  
     It was written over a page of longhand about Eden Underwood - that deceptively tranquil village in East Sussex - so it might be to do with that bucolic hamlet.  Or, since there is a note in the margin "KKFOS", which means "Killer Klowns From Outer Space", it might be -
     - oh what's the use!  Given the meanderings of my mental make-up it could be anything.

Female Kazakh soldiers on parade.
Yes, just as random.

Doctor Who Monster
If the Metro can use IACGMOOH on a daily basis to fill column inches, Conrad is so going to work at his Doctor Who advent calendar.
     In reply to your question, Dave, no - Day 24 is no bigger than any other door.
     "Enough!" I hear you cry.  "Enough wibble, Conrad - tell us what the monster was!"
     Okay.  But you'll be sorry.

     It was one of the Weeping Angels, from the episode "Blink".  Now, these really are scary monsters, genuine originals that once again play on the fear of the inanimate coming 
to life.  Perhaps inspired by "Invisible Boy" from "Mystery Men", who could only become invisible if not being watched, these creatures can only become animate when you're not looking at them^^ -

Ankylosaurus
Of course you will have recognised that this is a species of dinosaur, hence we are getting educated in Greek today, not Latin.
     "Ankylosaurus" means "Fused Lizard" and refers to the remarkable protrusions and fusing of bones that this beast displayed.  It was also like a 90's raver - rather clubby.

Also a bit of a swinger.

     For all it's ferocious appearance, Ankylosaurus was a herbivore.  Given that it resembled a cross between a trebuchet and a tank, it's flesh must have been extra-specially delicious.  But of course we'll never know.

Exit, Pursued By A Bare
A bare foot, that is.  Conrad went to the bathroom in the early morning darkness and returned to the bedroom, only to find that Jenny the cat had managed to sneak in as well.  She loved it.  She purred non-stop, did her claw-thing on the quilt, came up and poked her nose in my face - I was too warm and comfortable to get up and chuck her out.
     Then she did her disgusting showstopper - licking my bare feet whilst I was getting dressed.  Bare feet have an irresistible attraction for Jenny, the slobbering perv.

Of course, this means less cleaning to do in the shower ...

* The Metro.  Do keep up!
** Only a bit.  Let's not get carried away here.
*** Mister Hand approaches, bamboo skewer held high -
^ Although I bet some loathsome Hollywood suit is even now pimping a remake to the studios.
^^You don't think I'm over-analysing them, do you?