Barca

Ah Me Yes We Will!
Firstly, as is now frequent here at BOOJUM!, we have to squirrel our surprise post in under camouflage, lest we wake the sleeping Hamster Overlords of the internet.
     It was "Secret Santa" today at work, where one gets a nominee and purchases a present for them with a target limit of £5.
     Conrad decided that for Mo (the impeccably groomed), a Nivea Shaving After Balm would just about serve.  This was purchased in the weekly shop last night.
     Horrors!  When the shopping was unpacked, the Nivea was spectacularly absent.
     Dog buns! quoth I.  The Pub Quiz was about to happen and there certainly wasn't any time to track down another present.
     Improvisation came to the rescue, and Mo got six tins of sardines plus a book titled "How To Deal With Your Difficult Older Parent"*
     Conrad, however, got the following:

Comment un-necessary

Herring!
More specifically, "Herringbone".  This is a pattern visible on fabrics or floor tiling arrangements, viz:

Textile herringbone

Parquetry piscine pattern

     Why is this an article?  Firstly because it mentions "Herring", and secondly because it's an appalling example of piscrimination - why not "codbone" or "pikebone" or "Pilchardbone"?  Enquiring minds want to know!

"Zomlings"
Every other evening Conrad ventures into a Co-Op on his way to the bus stop, and has encountered a stand promoting "Zomlings", whatever they might be.  So today, to disperse the clouds of ignorance, I went and Googled "Zomlings" and wished I hadn't.
     What are they?  You might sum them up as "Cute horror  dolls".  I would sum them up as "THE END TIMES ARE HERE!  SAVE YOURSELVES!"
     The evidence: 

Somewhere, George Romero is crying

     Remember that aphorism: "History repeats itself, the first time as tragedy, the second time as farce"?  Conrad would add an addendum: " - and the third time as collectible toys."

Eden Underwood:  The Haunted House
If you have a memory span beyond that of a  weevil, you will surely recall Conrad banging on about creating an East Sussex town as the backdrop for some short stories.  Genre stuff, haunted houses, killer canals, evil hills, standing stones, defecting Russian war criminals, that sort of stuff.

A Killer Canal

     Well the first story is well underway, but - as usual - I've got a beginning and an end but very little middle, so I shall need to sit down with pen and paper and thrash out the sinister occurrences that take place at 12 Malmesbury Butts.  For one thing, it's been on the market for a year; it's being sold at a tenth of the normal price; and the previous two buyers moved out within months.

"Corybantic"
As ever when reading stuff authored by the classically-educated, one comes across words or phrases that are not common in colloquial English.  "Claudius the God" is one such, where the word "Corybantic" comes up.  This was in connection with stage performers by amateurs.
     What does it mean?  "Wild or frenzied".  Of course it's Latin, but it derives from a Greek word, "Korubas".

Cory Haim.  Close enough.

Barca
Did you know that this was the surname of Hamilcar?
     Do you even know who Hamilcar was?**
     Well you ought to know!  And Conrad is going to tell you!
     Hamilcar Barca was a Carthaginian general who fought against Rome in the First Punic War, then going on to wage war against them in Sicily, and taking the fight against Rome to Spain, where he ended up - er - dead, in 228 BC.
     You might be more familiar with his son Hannibal Barca, who generally gave the Romans a rough ride.  Crossing the Alps?  Cannae?  Rampaging up and down Italy?
     I am also given to understand that a football team called "Barcelona" - obscure nobodies from the Iberian Peninsula - like to abbreviate their name to "Barca" but with a soft "c", so there can't be any confusion between the two.  Can there?

Barker.  Close enough.

Doctor Who Calendar
Now that we are half-way through the calendar - which has obtained design symmetry by missing out Christmas Day*** - Conrad could, if he cared, look under the torn edges of previously-opened doors to see what horrors lie ahead.
     Except I won't.  Moral compass too strong. Will of iron steel vanadium alloy.
     Anyway, enough padding, what was behind Door Number Twelve?
     Another Weeping Angel.  At least it's not another Dalek.

Solo

With all it's friends.  A right Rainbow Coalition this lot are!

     Now, at this point I would usually indulge in a little reminiscence about the particular monster in question, except I can't remember if I didn't blather on about "Blink" before.  I probably called it an excellent modern horror story, the Doctor is in the background, Sixties fashion.  Did I ever wonder why nobody ever took a sledge-hammer to the Angels?  Or even a high-speed Black and Decker?  High-brisance blasting explosives?  Steamroller?  Steam Hammer?  Hmmm.  In just the same way I bet nobody ever tackled the Ice Warriors with a hairdryer or the Cybermen with glitter-spray.


* Bought at a charity shop because deemed a comedy book.  It is not.  It is not at all.
** Not going to venture into "Do you eve care ..." territory
*** Old but not stupid, that's me.