But, since this is a visual pun we must obviously - obviously! - sneak it past the Hamster Censornet that overlooks the entire internet, all the time*.
Okay, how can we distract them with random nonsense**?
Well.
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| Yes - er - a bit tattered ... |
As there was no mystery about what was hiding behind Door Number Fifteen, I give you - a red Dalek.
Wowsers. To go with the other Red, Blue and Orange Daleks.
Okay, I think that'll fool the Hamsters - let us proceed.
Ullage
To be honest, Conrad might have covered this before but if so it was last year and you either won't have read it or read and forgot it. Because it's worthy. Worthy but dull.
So, what is it?
Space left at the top of a container (usually of liquid) to allow for expansion under differences of temperature - wake up at the back there!
If there were no ullage in a bottle of wine, it might explode like a 1,000 lb bomb when the temperature outside rose by even fractions of a degree, causing utter -
- okay, okay, I'm exaggerating.
A 500 lb bomb?
250 lb bomb?
No bombs. Okay.
Liquid-fuelled atomic missiles? Are we allowed those? Oh goody! Because liquid-fuelled missiles (and rockets) have an ullage space at the top of the fuel tank to allow the fuel to expand. Not only that, they often have small secondary engines that ensure the fuel doesn't slosh away from the outlet valves.
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| See! That's a wine bottle with no ullage |
A Bit Of Lyrical Analysis
Don't worry, Paul and Art, you're not in the gunsights tonight. Maybe tomorrow. Dwell on that.
No, tonight we have those New Wave troubadours The Sound, as Conrad was listening to some of their tracks last night from the "Jeopardy" album. One of them stuck in his mind - "Missiles", which fittingly follows on.
Who the hell builds those missiles?
- sings Algy Borland***.
Well, Algy, given that this song is from the early Eighties, I suspect Northrop, General Dynamics and Boeing for the Americans. You wouldn't get any response from the Soviets, except maybe a SMERSH death-squad politely knocking on your door. Also, given the extremely sensitive nature of what they were building, I suspect your request for personal information about this missile-constructing workforce would be met with a stoney silence.
Who the hell builds those missiles?
Algy, I already explained - you're not going to get any information. In fact by now MI5 probably have you under surveillance and have tapped your phone^. Just let it go and move on, man!
Who the hell builds those missiles?
Algy, man! Stop flogging a horse that's not only dead but well on it's way to becoming dogfood! MI5 are now intercepting your post and interrogating your friends and relatives, quite besides keeping a nice little cell open for you.
When they know what they can do!
Ah, there you have it. In America, I imagine old-fashioned notions of "Talk softly and carry the biggest stick in history" would prevail, and in the Soviet Union "Build or your entire family goes into the mind-centrifuge^^"
Sadly nowhere in the lyrics is the issue of ullage space mentioned.
| Who builds 'em? Dunno. But I know who uses them ... |
Stop fussing! I'll get to Guardians of the Galaxy in my own time.
Claudius The God
As you surely recall from reading earlier blogs, this is the sequel to "I, Claudius" by Robert Graves and is about the time Claudius spent as Emperor. We are introduced to King Herod Agrippa as a major supporting character, and Claudius commands that Britain be invaded, in order to bring it into the Roman empire. Which leads to some amusing commentary, from a Roman writing in Greek about the British. Our country is very damp - no quibbling there, dead to rights - and the population suffer considerable eye problems thanks to the marshy environment they live in. Thank heavens for the NHS, I say.
As one might expect in a work written by a classically-educated scholar, the odd unusual word does crop up. "Frapping", for example.
No sniggering at the back! It merely means to bind tightly with rope.
Enough with the sniggering you dirty-minded rascals! To bind tightly with rope, principally used in reference to nautical^^^ matters.
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| Frappe-ing. Close enough |
This sounds like a structure old Claudius might have encountered, or have ordered to be built to celebrate a victory over the <thinks> Outer Scythians. Right?
Wrong!
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| It points to the Zygomatic arch |
Speaking of cheek -
Guardians of the Galaxy
Conrad isn't going to apologise for making you wait until the end of this post, but here is what you've been waiting for:
What? It's the literal truth.
Pip pip!
* No, not paraoia - TRUTH!
** How dare you! BOOJUM! is not composed entirely of same!
*** Lead singer of The Sound, not just someone invited in off the street.
^ This was possible in the good old days of the landline
^^ I made this up. But - it sounds sinister, right? Sinister and Soviet and scream-inducing?
^^^ Any puns about "nauti" and I send in the RABID WEASEL MARINES! Thank you.
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