So I shall.
This is a copy of my first blog on 16th June 2013:
First post on this newly-created Blog.
I feel like a four-year old riding their new bicycle without stabilisers. I am, after all, 51 years old and much more familiar with pen and paper - make that fountain-pen and paper - than all this new-fangled digital mummery.
Where were we? Oh yes, Father's Day.
Drove over to Richard's* to play a pseudo-Franco-Prussian War wargame. Over the span of 6 hours I got beaten by Andy, playing the French. Not that he got by cheaply or easily, oh no. Casualties were high. And the game turned out to be more balanced than I had first feared; sitting back and crushing the French with awesome Prussian artillery might be historically accurate but my! it would make for a boring game.
*Richard's charming ex-chapel is located in a location so remote it makes The Middle Of Nowhere look like Times Square at rush-hour.
That's the whole blog. Just a big block of text, no pictures, no photos, no links. And no time - it got done in 5 minutes.
Character Accretion
That sounds rather pompous! Let me explain, by way of City and Guilds Sound Engineering and Music Technology 7603. Oh, and Business Administration 5528.
Your eyes may glaze over slightly when I mention the fictional village of Eden Underwood, so rest assured it only features as background. Niall Bloom is the central character, a man who in his life has run a record shop, been in the Army for three years, been a roadie, run his own music haulage business and created a commercially successful music label.
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| Nile Blooms. Close enough |
How does he create the label? By getting a business loan. How does he get the loan? Because he's professionally qualified in both music and business. He also has extensive experience in the music business, although that is gilding the lily, as the bank manager granting the loan is more interested in the five year plan presented to him, which has been created by Niall, his music partner Mickey and an accountant.
All the above is what I call "accretion", a character getting built upon by working backwards from the simple assertion about running a record label. Given time this process means Niall will acquire a whole history and move from being a cipher to an almost real person.
Oh - he also gets rid of ghosts, but that's accidental.
| "Hey! That's our gig!" |
Big Fat Quiz Of The Year
I caught maybe as much as twenty minutes of this. It was compered by Jimmy Carr, who is a quantum level beyond his loathsome brother Alan Carr*, and who has a bizarre laugh to boot. The contestants were - Micky Flanagan, Richard Ayoade, David Mitchell, Sarah Millican, Richard Bridges - and Mel B.
Who provided a very valuable service by acting as a Benchmark Of Unfunny.
That's all.
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| Mel B's an old scrubber. Here's a Melba instead. |
"Insult First Bus"
That's what it says in the notebook. I'm not sure why, they were actually running on time this week**, but - it's in the notebook. I must have had some reason for it. Let's see -
If First Bus had been in charge of the Normandy Landings, they'd only have taken place in October, and in Norway***.
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| Plot inspired by First Bus |
"Do Not Forsake Me Oh My Darling"
I caught myself humming the tune from "High Noon" - these tunes do crop up in my head every now and then but! I have to be careful as some go round on a loop - yes, "Bittersweet Symphony", I'm looking at you -
Anyway that has nothing to do with what came next.
I know, I know, I can tell what you're thinking - but if they called it "Venuzipan" it would sound like some feminine - Oh! Sorry, you want to know what came next?
"Why is it "High" Noon, exactly?" I pondered. "You don't hear people commenting about Middle Noon or Low Noon, although there is "Brigadoon" - which is a musical^ so we shall quickly move on."
A little research showed that High Noon is exactly 12:00 and not a second earlier or later. 12:00 on the dot.
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| Close enough |
G.O.O.H.W.Y.D.
To my continued annoyance, I still don't know what this means. Yes, it might very well be a song title, acronymised. My I-pod has thousands of song titles, do you expect me to haul through all the "G"'s to - oh go on then -
- nope, not a song title on any record I own. It might be on Grooveshark but I don't know if I can sort that alphabetically.
Conrad is annoyed!
Rejected Doctor Who Serial Titles
I sat eating my very healthy lunch and sniggering to myself, one of the reasons I tend to be alone when eating lunch, as I imagined this latest lot:
The Horns of Simon
Earthshack
The Seeds of Dom
The Tenth Plant
Revenge of the Beibermen
Castor Oil Valve
Cream of the Shalka
The Invasion of Slime
Filberts of Terror
The Roberts of Death
| No comment needed |
Happy New Year!
Yes, "Sal No Mobarak" is not an injunction to Sal to cease hectoring, it's Persian for "Happy New Year". I shall be seeing it in with a glass of this:
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| Mine. You can get your own. |
This was very kindly provided by Anna: mulled wine with apple and apricots, very sweet. No, the wine! - although that also applies to Anna. Who is modest enough to blush if she reads this.
To You, Cruel And Unusual Punishment
To Conrad, highly involving and a splendid use of time.
Ladies, gentlemen and Those Unsure, I give you:
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| What can these mysterious scrawling doodles mean? |
I'm so glad you asked.
This is a software-scanned reprint of an original hardback book, meaning that the page numbers bear no relation whatsoever with the page numbers in the index. So I am going through the text (as in the first photo) and indicating the page numbers of the original book, which start at 359 (this being the second volume), then going to the index (as in the second photo) and highlighting page numbers after 359.
I Can't Go On Any Longer
I've run out of time. See -
Chin chin!
* I would get in trouble for calling the village together to storm his house and pitchfork him onto a bonfire as a witch, wouldn't I? <sigh> A man can but dream ...
** Not a sentence you will often see in connection with them. Ever!
*** A First Bus spokesperson said "Well it begins with "Nor", doesn't it? So that's alright."
^ Conrad: hates all musicals!
