"She Blinded Me With -"

LASERS!"

Ha, I bet that fooled those of you who expected me to finish with " - Science", as in the track from Thomas Morgan Dolby Robertson's awesome album "The Golden Age Of Wireless", another of those rare albums which is all killer, no filler.  Plus, a contribution from each album sale goes to help preserve Venice.*

Magisterial, really.

     Here an aside.  One of my most favouritest TMDR tracks is "One Of Our Submarines", which is about the loss of HM Submarine P48, along with Tom's grandfather.  Tom imagined that the sub was lost during peacetime, when in fact the truth is that, during the Second Unpleasantness -

     But that would be an aside to an aside, and we've already strayed too far from the forest path - look at those sinister eyes gleaming off to one side, and - are those teeth we can hear gnashing?

No.

     Where was I?  Dammit - Party In My Head, please keep the noise down, it's getting confusing in here.
     Oh - yes.  Blinded by Science. No - lasers.  Sorry, blinded by lasers.

     Jumping to Blue Oyster Cult, another favourite band of mine, Donald Roeser, their geetarist, stated that once "Don't Fear The Reaper" had become a big hit single they got access to lots of $$$.  Typically the band didn't go out and buy big fancy gas-guzzling cars.  No, their producer told them about a mad scientist who had invented his very own laser light show, in his own attic, which he charged people to come see.  They went and saw, and their response was "We don't care how much this costs, we WANT!"

An example

     This was first-generation laser show stuff, with big, water-cooled delicate laser equipment, which also included a fibre-optic cable run up Eric Bloom's sleeve, from which he 'fired' laser beams at mirrorballs -

     Enter the Occupational Health and Safety Administration.  They came along for the ride for a couple of months, and deemed B.O.C.'s lasers as FAR TOO DANGEROUS.  So they only got used for a couple of years before being retired.

     Pah!  Foolish OHSA!  Stupid OHSA!  You are talking about one of the loudest bands on the planet; you don't need to see to hear a heavy metal band play.  Blindness would be a small price to pay to hear B.O.C. live.

     They did get some brilliant album covers out of them, didn't they?  Also, "Spectres" - top album.

     Now to bury the motley in an avalanche of ringing mobile phones and see if we can cook it's brains!

BOOJUM! Reviews Films

<Mark Kermode is not worried>  Perhaps "Review" is a little grandiloquent.  "Slanderous mis-representation for cruel amusement" is probably closer to the mark, if rather clumsier.  Let the filmic fox-hunt begin!

"Creed II": I haven't seen "Creed", which still won't stop your humble scribe from pontificating.  A creed is a belief, so one presumes this is a staggeringly dull philosophical tract, probably in black and white and Danish, which goes on for what seems like nine hours but which is only thirty-five minutes.

Carol Reed.  Close enough

  "Tulip Fever": Hmmlm, is this an attempt to cash in on "Contagion"?  Or no, don't tell me, another staggeringly dull film in black and white and Dutch, about the speculation in tulip bulbs of February 1637,** when the market collapsed suddenly and - 

     - sorry, I fell asleep just thinking about it.

Rotterdam.  Not the nicest named place in the world.

"The Crimes Of Grindlewald": I say, that's putting the horse before the cart, isn't it?  Innocent until proven guilty and all that, habeas corpus and Magna Carta and - erm - <thinks> Quad Erratum Demonstrandum and other impressive Latin phrases which I don't understand.  I would posit that Grindlewald does stand guilty of having a stupid name.

Coffeegrindlewald?

     I think that's enough incisive cinematic critique for one day.

Lunch!  Lunch is calling! 

I've Got A Lovely Bunch Of Coconuts
I'm lying, I haven't really, it was a test to see if you were REALLY paying attention.  Don't forget, readership of BOOJUM! will mean your descendants avoid the organ banks, uranium mines or mind-controlled slavery when I take over.  Something to aim for, eh?
     What I actually wanted to say was that, clearly, Fate was listening to my rantings yesterday, about "A Grade-A Grey Day", and decided to have a little malevolent fun at our expense, as Art will demonstrate -

     A wide world of wet, and all those soothing shades of grey, forsooth.  Of course, here between the Gravel Hole and the Summit we have our own micro-climate, so it might well be clear in Little Babylon (which you might know better yet less accurately as "Royton").  I shall see when I take my constitutional later on.
     Not fascinating stuff, I admit, so lets add - 

A cyborg Gronk!

     There you go.  And don't frown at me, I didn't invent the blasted thing.

Whilst We're On The Subject -
(for The Gronk hails from the "Strontium Dog" series in 2000AD) I had a sudden and very disturbing thought about the Naked Mole Rat.  Art?

Thus.  Hopefully you weren't eating when this popped up.

     If you recall, these beasties, incredibly ugly as they are, live over 30 times longer than other, dressed, rats, and nor do they get cancer.  Got that?
     Now, let us shift to Judge Dredd and the Big Meg.  There is a sentient innocent and unthreatening alien race known as "Stookies", whom unfortunately for them possess an adifax gland.  Art?

Watch it, matey.  The Judges are en route!

     You see, this gland can be processed to artificially halt the human aging process, so you can stay forever young, if you can keep getting hold of processed stookie glands.
     The catch is, removing the gland is instantly and invariably fatal for the harmless and helpless Stookie.  The Judges take a verrrrrry dim view of Stookie glanding and crush it ruthlessly whenever encountered.
     You can see where this is going for poor NMRs, can't you?  I bet some evil mad scientist is even now cooking up a broth of boiled brains for bottling ...

"Save me!"

*  Yes indeed, "Venice In Peril" is a real thing.

**  Again, a real thing.