Gun Jesus Snickers

No!  I Am Not Selecting Words Merely At Random
But then again, how could you tell?  After all, "Lofoten Cod-Boiling Plant" is highly unlikely to ever come up in polite conversation.  Or any conversation.
     Okay, Conrad, avoid going off at a tangent, I said to myself.  Not entirely sure if self paid attention, but we'll see.
     Let us break down that title.  "Gun Jesus" is a reference, obviously - obviously! - to Ian McCollum, the central character of "Forgotten Weapons" Youtube channel.  Art?

Ian. One hairy dude.

     You can see where the irreverent "Jesus" reference comes in.  And the guns?  Well, Ian may look like an old Peace Love And Understanding hippy, but were you to challenge him to a gun duel, you would most surely die.  He is - at least to a citizen of The Least Firearmed Nation On Earth - proficient with many, many guns.  All the guns, in fact.  All the guns all the time.  He appears to own as many guns as Conrad has pens.*
     And here we have him trying out the South African "Stopper".  Art?

Stop.

     This is a riot control weapon that is ridiculously easy and fun to use - providing it's against an insensate rifle range of rocks rather than people - and which our Gun Jesus ends up snickering helplessly over.  Really, it's a peculiar thing to see our stoic Gun Jesus behaving in a boisterous manner.
     So, there you have today's title.

The Seething Red Mist Has Settled A Little
Consequently, the urge to REND and MAIM and turn people into PILES OF QUIVERING OFFAL has also decreased, so you are no longer at risk from me - though just to be safe, keep any sharp pointy things beyond my reach for a little longer.
     Why, yes!  This deployment of my Frothing Nitric Ire does happen to correspond with First Bus not running a service that approximates to Barely-Adequate. 

One of First's splendidly equipped mobile pyres.

     They laughably claim to be running a "Saturday service", when it's actually a "When we can be bothered service", occasionally shading into a "Point and laugh at the fools hanging around bus stops service".  O how we potential passengers love to hang around bus stops for half an hour, in the damp, and cold, and dark. 
     I believe sci-fi author Olaf Stapledon predicted it would take mankind 120,000 years or so to land on the Moon, back in the Thirties.  Yes, we did it by 1969, but he was using a First Bus timetable.
     Bah!**


Make Mine Mountains!

Ah yes, the most difficult PR job in the whole of Middle-Earth - working for the Mordor Tourist Board.
     Today we shall look at selling the whole experience to - mountaineers.  This should be easy, those guys have rocks in their head already.
     Anyway!  Just think what the promotional blurb would look like.

An unspoiled natural wilderness ...

     "Climbers!  Trekkers!  Mountaineers!  Do you want a new challenge?
  Of course you do - which is why YOU need to come explore the virgin peaks of the Ered Lithui and the Ephel Duath: mountains never before touched by human hand, just waiting for you to break new ground!"
     There would need to be a disclaimer in small print at the bottom, however, along the lines of:  "CAUTION!  Those suffering from arachnophobia should not apply."

Obvs.

     I don't think you'd need to warn people off attempting to climb Mount Doom, though you us humans can be surpassingly daft, so a few signs might be a good idea.  If they're that keen, tell them to take the guided tour of the lava stream where Nine-Fingered Frodo Battled The Eeeevil Gollum (tea-towels and sweatshirts available at the concession stand!).

Before they added the protective fencing

Well I Never -
There I was, listening to Tchaikovsky, pondering on how the Ruffians can produce such wonderful music yet dreadful politicians, when it hit me like a ball-bearing fired from a bait catapult.
 "What exactly is a 'sugar plum'?"  Art?

All sugar, no plum.

    Essentially, the sugar plum is a boiled sweet, originally shaped like a plum, hence the name.  They were expensive, hand-made luxury items until the mid-nineteenth century, after which industrial processes took over and they became cheap and commonplace.
     Of course, your humble scribe cannot consume such sweeties, THANK YOU SO MUCH DIABETES.
     There you go, another factoid from BOOJUM! to brighten your day.








*  A terrifying concept.
**  Perhaps I shouldn't complain too much, as I did get to exercise my temper.