Shades Of Grey

No!  Not The Monkees' Song

Although your humble scribe was always rather fond of them, since he grew up watching their television program, which took a kind of inverted view about their band.  Art?

Look at 'em. monkeeing around!

     Whereas in real life they were hugely successful, in their television iteration they were usually penniless and, being desperately skint, would do anything to earn a few bucks.  Naturally this led to all kinds of high jinks and escapades.  I wonder if this television series predates The Beatle's film "Help"? Just a thought.

     Okay, okay, I can read your minds from here.  "Stop telling us what this Intro isn't about and relate, exactly and precisely, what it is about, you pontificating old bafoon."

     Pausing only to point out that 135 isn't actually that old, I shall explicate.

     As you surely know by now, Conrad works at the very top of the Dark Tower, which Art will now illustrate.  Art?  Put down that nuclear fuel rod and get to work!

That's me at the window up on Floor 17

     I was in there yesteryon, working in Gomorrah-on-the Irwell on a Saturday, if you can believe it.*  A bonus of being up there is the splendid view it affords one, as you can see across the whole city and indeed the whole of Greater Manchester.  On a sunny day this is quite a vista.
     Yesterday it was emphatically not sunny.  It was, in fact, a day so dull, wet and miserable that it must have made the Roman invaders of a long time ago think "Why?"  Art?

     So I took this photograph as both proof and metaphor.  As you can see, our fair our city and the sky and landscape exist only in monochrome, or shades of grey.  The only dash of colour in this dreary environment is a sole electronic billboard.

     At this point, were I an intellectual pseud, there would be a lot of flowery language and allusions.  Instead, me being Conrad,** I shall merely see what happens when we drop the motley in the middle of a square mile of quick-setting concrete.

Heh.

Phew, Reprieved

The other members of the household are off shopping, so - obviously! - Edna Wunderhund the Four-Legged Alarm System had to seek out your humble scribe and plonk herself squarely on the lap of what she considers to be her Human-Shaped Cushion.  Art?

Trapped.  Completely immobilised.  Cannot move at all.

     This made typing a little awkward, since the laptop is stuck over there on a chair, and I'm stuck here, at arm's length.

     No, I couldn't just chuck her off!  That would be <struggles to think of an excuse that will not make him seem soft> reprehensible and - er - she keeps my legs warm.  Yeah.  That.

     Ah - she has now moved of her own accord and typing is thus easier.

     I am trying to throw out these articles rapidly since I intend to walk into Smallville Sodom (Royton if we're being formal) to get my exercise in, and a few bits and pieces, and I've not yet had lunch.  Remaining alive through eating food is always a good move, I find.

     Anyway -

Arizona By Way Of Durham

Or, you might say, more of "MacKenna's Gold".

     Here an aside.  I don't know if that's an accurate title -

          Here an aside to the aside.  Did the film poster correctly apostrophise this film's title?  I think a quick check is in order.  Art!  Put the fuel rod down - job first, food later.

Ah, they do.  I can die happy.

     Where were we?  Dammit, this party in my head 24/7 confuses things - guys, guys, keep it down, okay?

     It's just that it really isn't MacKenna's gold.  By inheritance it belongs to the Apaches, considering they are the descendants of those who lived there, where the gold vein lies.  Nor does MacKenna believe there was any gold there in the first place, so he has objectively negated any claim he might have had.  Plus - SPOILER ALERT! - see how considerate I am?  Giving you warning about a film that's 50 years old?  - when he and his now-girlfriend Inga Bergaman ride off, they are the only survivors, so shouldn't that be "MacKenna and Bergaman's Gold"?

     Anyway, none of that is what I wanted to talk about.  Art? What's that - you've sucked all the plutonium out of the fuel rod?  Well, go get a plate of coal then.

     

     This is one of the shots that supposedly establishes our heroes riding the rapids on a rickety raft.  Spectacular, nicht war?

     It's also a waterfall in County Durham, care of the Pond of Eden, and many thousands of miles from Arizona, where they filmed MG.  It does look spectacular, however, which is what they were going for, and I bet you never noticed the mismatch until now.  You're welcome.

Finally -

As you should surely know by now, Conrad has a liking for unusual ships, vehicles or aircraft, and his interest was piqued by a picture accompanying an article of The Font Of All That's Fit To Be Writ (or the BBC if we're being formal).  Art?

The Grande Tema

  An odd-looking ship, I think you'll agree:  which is the bow?  Which is the stern?***  This observation inevitably led to a bit of Google-fu about "Grande Tema", and the results were illuminating.  Art?  Oh really! - if there's no coal left try the firelighters.

   

Grande Tema again

     That structure at the stern lowers to allow roll-on-roll-off access for cargoes, and has been lowered in the first picture, making it unclear at that distance and angle which is bow or stern.  Now we all know and are the better for it.

     Oh, Art, if there are no firelighters either, then go eat a packet of matches.  And don't complain, or I shall make you eat steak.

*  Not out of choice, I assure you.

**  87.33% of the time.

***  Apologies for this complex technical jargon.