Okay, quite a lot, to the First Century A.D. in fact, you find the Roman annalist Tacitus make mention of the weather in the Pond of Eden - "Miserable, with it's frequent rains and mists" which is one reason nobody wanted to invade Ultima Thule. You don't often find imperialist aggressors sitting down to breakfast and thinking "I know, let's invade somewhere really cold, and wet, and grey and miserable and really really hard to commute to."
| CAUTION: frequently wet |
The reverse also holds true, mind you. I have a theory that the British went out and assembled an empire in order to have hot and sunny places to live in, with curry an important side benefit.
For why do I vent about the weather? Because it is one of those dismal dark days where you need the lights on all day long. Art?
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| That chair, there - |
It is drear and drab, and the landscape is smothered in grey, everything is wet, you can't see the hills for all the precipitation in the air. Perhaps "Grade-Z" would be closer to the truth, although that wouldn't fit the rhyme.
Having set the mise en scene at "Depressing" I suppose it's now my responsibility to cheer you up somewhat. Okay - the world is still here! I find this generally a promising beginning, though not everybody agrees. Perhaps looking a little more closely at the future dystopia of Mega-City One will make you realise that, yes, things could be infinitely worse.
"The 56th Division 1914 - 1918" By Major Someone
Yes, I know this isn't anything to do with Mega-City One, and I don't care if you were looking forward to more of the same, because I changed my mind.
It's interesting to note what response the divisional staff gave when asked to make constructive comments on what could be improved, after they'd not been very successful at the battle of Third Ypres.
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| Typical Paschendaele weather and terrain |
Besides thinking "Do not attack in the real-life equivalent of the Slough of Despond", the 56th Div. staff specifically stated that attacks should be considerably shallower and have their objective lines brought back from distant objectives.
Do you want to know why? Well, I'm going to tell you regardless. As is obvious from the photo above, and if Art can get off his well-padded posterior -
Once an attack had succeeded - not always a given - the supporting artillery had to be moved up, and you can witness the vile condition of the ground, which meant an enormous effort had to be made, or the infantry were denied the gunner's support and protection. If, however, "Bite-and-hold" tactics were adopted, then the infantry remained under the artillery umbrella*. This change in tactics was exactly what happened, so you can credit the 56th Div. staff with a bit of prescience. If I feel like it, I may bang on about the Battle of Broodseinde tomorrow.
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| Major Ward! That was the chap. |
Right, time to go see what the fridge and kitchen cupboards can yield in terms of human sustenance. Or (shortform) = lunch.
Okay, having dined on - just kidding, just kidding, Conrad is not one to talk you through the unbelievably dull subject matter of What I Had For Lunch (Because I'm Really Sad And Have No Friends). Yes, that's harsh, but the truth can hurt.
QUICKLY! Check your water tank - because at this time of year, domestic plumbing is a refuge from the cold for KILLER EELS!
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| Yes, Art, I completely agree - "All killer, no filler" but it's not - O never mind. |
A Train Of Thought
Hmmm - perhaps a "Single Locomotive of thought" is more apt. Anyway, there I was, pondering on that cartoon illustration from a copy of "New Scientist" back in the Eighties, about harmful solar radiation. The illustration was of a variety of humanoid beetle, sweating under the weight of an umbrella - you see where this came from, don't you? - made of inches-thick lead, as a kind of mobile shielding.
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| No! Good Lord, Art, what do you - Hmmm. You know, you may be onto something there |
Of course, can I find that cartoon now I need it? No! No, I cannot. I did try Googling under "Lead umbrella", which brought back an invention that is either brilliant or the absolute limit, and not in a good way. Art?
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| Really! |
Look, madame, the modern dog is merely a domesticated wolf and you don't see packs of them huddled under shelter when it rains, for fear of dying because of wet fur, do you?
Hmmm. On the other hand, there are no wolves in the Pond of Eden any more, and we do have soggy weather all the time, so if I put 2 and 2 together we get =
847.365!
* Yes, they really used this term, it's not just me reaching for more weather symbolism.
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