Oh Dear. Hello 2016.

Your Gifted Author Is Worried
If you have a history of reading the blog then you know Conrad worries about the coincidences that plague him, as he is convinced in his paranoid fashion that the Universe is trying to tell him something.  It would be easier for Conrad is this could be communicated via Twitter or G-mail, ta very much Universe.
     Normally, the rules of reality only start to flex when Conrad reads Thomas Pynchon.  Of late this has begun to happen when reading the Beeb's website or watching television, or staring blankly out of the window*.
     Coincidence The First:  Conrad has never read anything by Orson Scott Card until now, a short story called "Ender's Game".  Which I'd heard of previously.  What I didn't know was that Ender's surname is - Wiggins.  Which Card said he dreamt up because it sounded "hobbitty".
     Yes well, dialogued Conrad with himself.  What were you reading that morning on the Beeb website but an article about bicycling in wet weather?  And who was the author?

This chap

     Okayyyyy.  You can dismiss one coincidence at a time.  A bit un-nerving but on the whole, acceptable.  However -
     Coincidence The Second: As you ought to be aware, Conrad this week has been complaining about the exaggeratedly-cheerful birds that chirp remorselessly at the bus stop of a morning.  He was actually writing out another skit on the subject when what comes up on television but an advert for an organisation who have never broadcast before:

Hard to tell, but it's a starling

     The RSPB, if you care.  By now your humble scribe is beginning to wonder what's going on.  It's not over yet!
     Coincidence The Third:  Conrad likes to stay informed about what horror stories are going on in the world, also known as "news", by checking out the BBC website.  No, Vulnavia, reading "The Metro" doesn't count.
     So, when I read the below:

The article on the left.  The one on the right might be about BOOJUM! but if you think I meant the middle one - Just No.

     The secrets of birdsong, eh?
     Like I said, Universe, plain English via social media, please.

Well, that's 2016 introducing itself.  Fortunately some things remain constant and true, as in the case of Conrad's first breakfast of the year:

     Giant cup of tea, crumpet and ice cream.  Also a toasted muffin with the last of the pork joint from last week, which is a concession towards brunch.

A Cat And Dog Moment
Last night Edna was disporting herself with one of the toys bought as a Christmas present for her:

     Oh boy did she enjoy chewing that rag bone.  Gnaw gnaw gnaw, all whilst on her back exhibiting no dignity at all.  You can contrast that with this:

"Insert humourous caption here"

     I've not seen the cat do this before; the bannister is frequently empty of towel and I'm not sure the footing on varnished wood would be good enough for her to manage this.  If she has done it once and remained out of reach of "that annoying pest Edna**" then it might happen again.  Edna couldn't possibly trump this as she's nowhere near dextrous or well-balanced enough to mimic this perching act.

Seconds Out
Or "Just In Time" or "Watch It" or any one of a dozen terrible puns.  My old plastic digital watch is not long for this world as the retaining strap has broken and the main one has a big crack all the way across.
     I did have a loan except that was far too large, kept slipping down to my knuckles and catching the hairs on my hand.  And I have horribly hairy hands.

     Fortunately that on the right arrived yesterday, costing £6, which is even cheaper than the bargain-basement digital watches that your humble scribe usually goes for, plus it comes with Roman numerals, which is cool.

Allow Me
Today is one of two days in the year, or 0.5% per annum, when it isn't possible for Conrad to criticise the service that First Bus provides.
     "You're in the car?" I hear as a comment. Incorrect.  "You're not going to work today?" is another call.  Also incorrect.  "Matter transporters have been invented and are being sold at New Year's Day sales?" is yet another.  Also incorrect, but quite creative.  Give Stephen Moffat a call.
     No, the reason is that they don't run any services today.  We shall see what they get up to tomorrow, hmmm?





* Which I will defend as part of the creative process.  You disagree?  Whose blog is it?
** I have to use quote marks or there will be trouble from Wonder Wifey.