Oh Hermione - You Potter.

Yes, I Am Being Extra-Specially Devious Tonight
You may be forgiven for asking "How do we tell the difference?" as it is well-known that you cannot trust Conrad to tell the truth if, by lying contorting facts into a strange and un-natural pattern, he can increase blog traffic.
     Well, this is going to take a bit of explanation.  Firstly -
     NO! I am not referring to the character of Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter universe.  Not at all.

Close enough

     "But -" I can hear you begin, before cutting you off with cruel speed.
     As I'm sure I've bored you with several times already, Conrad is currently reading "The History of the Peloponnesian War" by Thucydides, and a riveting set of tales it is.  Essentially the entire Greek world of 430 BC took up sides against each other.  I'll add a bit more detail in lower down, but for the moment I would like to point out that one coastal town mentioned several times was - Hermione.
     In Greek mythology Hermione (they don't bother with surnames) was a character who ended up marrying Orestes and bearing a child by him, after which, having done her wifely duty, she fades into the assumed background.  Presumably the town took her name as they wanted to boost the tourist trade.
     Thus, Hermione.

Harry and Ginny tease her -

     Oh, the "Potter" bit?  At the time all Greek cities produced pottery, it was an essential part of day-to-day life, trading, transportation, drinking, decoration and so on.  So there would have been potters in the town.
     Hence, Potter.
     Oh, I say, what a wild coincidence!  You don't think that might attract visitors?  Surely not ...

Gollancz And Their Open Submission Month
I had quite forgotten my other zombie minor opus, "From Shadow To Daylight", which comes in at 83,000 words and so qualifies.  I'm not sure about submitting it; the zombies take a while to appear and I may have made up the geological assay process from whole cloth.  Or not.  I do try to get technical details right, except it's years since I wrote it and the creative process escapes me.

Conrad:  old, confused -
- but still dangerous.

      I do remember giving Tony at work a read of the first chapter, and he declared how impressed he was that the SS Einsatzgruppen, monsters to a man, detested the evil Doctor - and there we shall draw a discreet veil over the proceedings.

See?  Dangerous.

Compare And Contrast: "The Conscience of the King"
I managed to catch a snippet of, and then the end, of this Star Trek tale from the original series, and - in the spirit of mischief which makes First Bus spokesdemons nervous - wondered how it would have been treated as a "Next Generation" episode.  The plotline involves a band of strolling players, one of whom may be a mass-murderer wanted for killing thousands of people.

Lenore:  Young, sexy -
- and dangerous

    Well, in TNG of course Data would have stuck his oar in - if it means getting to act he's right in there.  If the scriptwriters had any wit they might get Jean Luc Picard in there, too, as he's played by a British character actor.

See?  Dangerous.

     Now, Kirk did go after the female lead, Lenore Karidian, because she was 1) Female 2) She was alive and 3) He is driven by a testosterone-tsunami.  In TNG she would be treated very hands-off and JLP would obviously - obviously! - respect her personal space and nobody would rush to judgement and despite her being a SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER! serial killer she'd get the very best mental health care cure - all a bit dull, really.

"How?  How can I get a parking ticket in OUTER SPACE?!"

The Birds
Another sub-par January morning - it ticks all the Grim Boxes.  Dark?  Check.  Cold?  Check.  Wet?  Check.  Raining?  Check.  Windy?  Check
     Yet there are still birds in the pre-dawn chorus loudly prating about how wonderful life is.  What the heck is it that amuses them so?

BLACKBIRD: Good MORNING!
THRUSH: GOOD Morning!
BB: Touch of precipitation today, what?
T:  Indeed.  Is that why Fatty's hair is wet?
BB: No, the sad old sod had a shower just now.
T: And didn't bother to dry it?
BB: Pshaw!  The deluded old duffer must be going for the "slick" look.  Thinks it impresses the ladies.
T:  Closer to "sick" than "slick"!
BB: Hmm.  Quite.
T:  Almost - wait for it! - "Hairum Scarum"!
BB: Mph.  Agreed*.
STARLING:  Wowsers, him again!  Talking of wet, I were looking in through the bathroom window and you'll never guess what -

 - then the bus came.

Anatomy Of A Cake
Yes, you gannets, all you see is a slice of cake!  There's a lot more to it than cramming an over-sized slice of Sultana Cake into your greedy maw, I can tell you.  Art?

Obviously - obviously! - the cake

     Okay, the ganterpies** at work expect their cake on Friday, which is a bit of a problem as I'm on a late shift Thursday and won't get home until 7:20.  I have to be at Pub for Pub Quiz for about 9:10, so my time is limited, all the more so as this cake takes at least 2 hours to bake.
     "Oh Conrad!" I can hear you call.  "Do tell us how you managed it!"
     Why I thought you'd never ask.  Okay, on Wednesday I measured out all the ingredients, put the sultanas on to soak overnight and double-lined the baking tin.  Thursday morning I set the sultanas to drain; you don't want too much liquid going into the cake.  At about 8:15 Thursday evening I made the batter; I cheated with the butter and sugar by giving them a gentle zap in the microwave for a few seconds, which makes beating them to a lifeless pulp so much easier.
     Put the tin in the oven 8:30, then went back to draw up a refinement of World Domination plans.  Before leaving for the Pub I "tented" the tin with pierced tin foil, meaning it shouldn't burn.
     Getting back in at 11:30 it was definitely done, baked not burnt.
     Conrad 5 Cake 5!
     None of this bother the workplace ganterpies, of course.  They don't have an inner monologue but if they did it would be "CAKE NOM NOM NOM SCOFF SCOFF"

What the fork?
I Googled "ganterpie" and this came up, amongst others.

Right, we are well over the word limit, time to fade into the background.


* Is it me or does Blackbird not like anyone else being wittier than he?
** This is a horribly insulting word but nobody from work reads BOOJUM! so I'm safe.