- but the pun won't work otherwise.
In fact it might not work at all, given that it requires a knowledge of English Literature of the nineteenth century, and infantry small arms of the twentieth.
"The old duffer's lost it again," I can hear you saying. "Back on the beer again and completely at sea after no more than two hours."
Well THANK YOU! for your vote of confidence. Let me elaborate.
First of all, Jane Austen. She was an author, of the nineteenth century, whom Conrad had to suffer at A Level English Literature as regards "Mansfield Park". This was a supposed comedy of manners set in England during the Napoleonic wars, and desperately dull stuff it was indeed. At one point someone interrupts a narrative by calling for soup, which is as much as your humble scribe cares to recall. The "Mansfield Park" of the title was an estate that someone owned or inherited or stole or was given to them by aliens, again my recollections are hazy.
| Mansfield Park, as it is today. Deservedly. |
The Sten Gun, if you care to look at the complete title and see how cleverly I've hidden that reference in there, was a sub-machine gun of the British armed forces during the Second Unpleasantness. It was notable, if not infamous, for being dirt cheap to make, and to be roughly-made at that. Allegedly one could cock a Sten gun and throw it into an enemy-held room or earthwork; on dropping to earth the shock would normally set it off, whereupon it would empty the whole thirty-round clip into walls, floors, ceilings and any slow-moving opposition.
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| Brummagen ware |
Because, dear reader, I am confronted with the Charm Offensive rules drawn up by myself several weeks ago. They stipulate - NO Tanks; NO atom bombs: NO atom-bombing the Moon: NO Zombies and there was another one I forget.
All this comes into sharp relief when I witnessed the bus poster "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies". What's a man to do! Breach the rules of the Charm Offensive, which means the now-three-white-vans of intelligence agencies carry out a Pagoda Five CREW** assault on the Mansion? Having Able, Baker and Cannibal Teams rappel, grenade and firefight their way into the Upstairs Lair is likely to cause a pause in broadcasting the blog, which Conrad cannot endure.
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| "Okay Conrad! Drop the teapot!" |
Go on! An overdose of Twinkies has rendered your humble scribe delusional and he's hallucinating that he's actually the "Tallahassee" character in "Zombieland" because we're both driven by a morbid desire for Hostess cakes. I don't have a chainsaw - but see below
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| Large Bore + Gum - as close to a shotgun" as we at BOOJUM! are likely to get |
Film Review
I'm not going to apologise for reviewing more films BOOJUM!-style, since if the studios insist on putting them out at a rate of knots, what more can your gifted author do than break them on the wheel of whimsy?Youth: Ah, yes, youth. The time to be irresponsible before acquiring a spouse, a house, job nous and a pet mouse. This is either a grim documentary on early-teen criminals or - no, it's a grim documentary on early-teen criminals.
Room: Excuciatingly dull. A film ab owq45c vlk111 ~~~~~~~~~~~~###
Oh! Sorry, fell asleep. A film about a - room?
I know why this film got the green light - cheapness! Not for plot.
| A room. With a view |
Coal-oil extraction technology!
Glue from fish-scales the terrible truth?
How Jerry Pournelle plans to blow up the world - real soon!
Ah! It's an Asylum mockbuster rip-off of "We Bought A Zoo"!
Damn Your Views, Nicholas Hughes!
Nick, if I may call him that, gives a closely-argued, thoughtful and compelling analysis of "Goldfinger"*** and in particular how our James <ahem> "interacts" with Pussy Galore in a crucial scene. I shan't spoil it by discussing anything Nick points out, just to say that this criticism of a single scene means your humble scribe needs to go back and watch the whole thing again, including going back and forward over several scenes by the slowed-down second.
Ta very much, Nick, that's 5 hours I'll not get back again.
(Though I am looking forward to his take on "You Only Live Twice")
http://rhubba.com/blogfinger/
and that's the link to his Goldfinger essay. Hint: if you do not like James Bond, this is probably not your cup of Marmite-flavoured cashews.
Oh, here's that zoo that they bought:
* Watch it with the sarcasm.
** Special Air Service Counter-REvolutionary Warfare. Guys with guns. Lots of guns. As many guns as Conrad has pens, that's how many.
*** If you have to ask "what?" or "Who?" then the exit is THAT WAY!
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