How To Manipulate Reality

 - Without Really Trying
Firstly, I have to apologise for the Hurrisnowcano that has been visited upon South Canada, because it was probably your humble scribe who is responsible for it*.
     "But how it this?" I hear you calling.  "Surely Conrad lacks sufficient depth of weather wizardry to create blizzards of such dimensions?"

No, Art, No!

     Well, normally, yes.  Except for the past few days I've been looking at the Facebook sidebar and paying disgusted attention to what they deem to be newsworthy.  Essentially, if you can hang a celebrity's name off it, then that counts as news. "Mylene Klass in swimsuit" was one notification.  Then it was about "Gwyneth Paltrow's bikini" and then "Hilary's hair is purple".  I even passed comment in a post promoting BOOJUM! What next, I thought:  Conrad drinks lots of tea; Conrad scratches behind; Conrad bakes a cake; Conrad snorts sherbet to see what it feels like; Conrad goes to hospital.
     The Universe, as it is wont to do, decided to react to my citric criticism and dumped a month's worth of snow on those unfortunates across the Pond, in the space of a couple of days.
     That's not all.  Sadly not.  No, we've now got the broadcast media showing pictures of snowmen twenty feet tall, but the media circus about "news" doesn't stop there.  Take a look at this:

O Rly

     How soon, ponders your modest artisan, before we get "Hoot", "Whistle" or "Shrieking From The Rooftops" on the news-stands?

FILM REVIEWS

I know what you're thinking - "But we only just had a Film Review?" which is perfectly true, but cinema marketing doesn't stand still and neither do I.  Besides -

Assassin:  This sounds like an adaptation of a computer game.  Doubtless it involves a "donkey as the metaphor for evil", or something deep like that.  Probably Czech, in black and white with subtitles, the colour ad in The Metro being a marketing trick.

Creed:  Ah, yes, a documentary about the Cree Indians of South Canada, and how to become one.  Featuring that well-known cineaste Sylvester Stallone.

 To save space

Obviously I had to comment on these as there is a computer game called "Assassin's Creed" and your humble scribe couldn't overlook a coincidence that large.  Next!

Spotlight:  A riveting study of v45 6n6£^£
                   &£^%N^&*m - OH! sorry, fell asleep over the keyboard.  Yes.  A revelatory look into the world of film lighting.  At thre cwv46666490
                                                                                   )(&£^(*HF£&
                                                                                                    7777777777777777

I'm awake!  Again!  Sorry, won't happen again.

Worthy.  But dull.

Dad's Army:  Hmmm.  Conrad was brought up on the television sitcom, which he has fond memories of.  This film - he's going to reserve judgement on.  I rather wonder how it goes down in Germany?  Or our wartime ally, Russia**?

The One True Original.

Our Brandi, Scrisis:  O lord aloft not another dire documentary!  Don't tell me, all about a Southern Californian wine business that has to adapt to the C21 and internet, yadda yaddda yadddda.


"But My Hair's Still In Curlers!"
Harry Dean Stanton's killer line from "Kelly's Heroes" when the unit gets orders to move out.  This is an hilarious film - in parts - that also features a spectacular amount of gunfire and gore - in parts - and also Telly Savalas's brother (the mortarman).  It's notable for everyone involved being in it for the money - no heroism, patriotism, jingoism or nationalism here, just a sound desire to keep their skin intact and see the war out, with a huge haul of bullion if possible.
     So, what brings still more film review to the fore?  This!

" - Moriarty!"

     Meet Oddball, who is well-named, as the anachronistic proto-hippy tank commander.  What do you say to that, Oddball?
     "Woof woof!"

John Carpenter's "Lost Themes"
There's no denying that this is a John Carpenter work.  First, the CD artwork is about as bleakly minimalist as can be -

     -  and the music is undeniably his, too.  However, if you were expecting anything evocative in the way of titles, well - you're out of luck.  John goes for the same minimalist approach as with instrumentation and design.  Imagine the scene, Conrad interviewing John, kept at a respectful distance by both whisky bottle and cigar.
     
     CONRAD:  So, John, no leading track titles like "One Of These Days (I'm Going To Cut You Into Little Pieces)"?
     JOHN***: Nope.
     CONRAD: Oh.  Nothing lengthy?
     JOHN:  Nope.
     CONRAD: Like - "Several Small Species Of Furry Animals Gathered Together In A Cave And Grooving With A Pict"?
     JOHN:  Nope.  First track's called "Vortex".
     CONRAD: Oh.
     JOHN: Second's called "Obsidian".
     CONRAD: Nothing along the lines of "The Siege And Investiture Of The Castle Of Baron Von Frankenstein"?
     JOHN:  Nope.
     CONRAD: Okay, what's the longest track title?
     JOHN:  "Purgatory".
     CONRAD: (Sighing) Where I am right now.

Edna Versus The Bottle Of Pop
Conrad did wonder why an empty Coke bottle sat in Edna's toy box.  For the very good reason that she'd put it there, it seems, after having taken it from the bin.  However, it was too big for her to wrestle her jaws around, until -

     - Wonder Wifey crushed it.  Edna then tackled it across the floor, the rug, the hall, the stairs and up to the Upstair Lair.  End score - Edna 15 Bottle 0



* "Probably" as there will be South Canadian law firms out to make money from this if at all possible.  Who says you can't suck blood out of a snowball?
** Probably shown to officer cadets as "A documentary about the British Army in 1980"
*** It's a fictional interview, we can be on first-name terms.