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Tuesday 26 January 2016

George Orwell And His 9/10's Rule

Not To Be Confused With Sturgeon's Rule -
Theodore Sturgeon, South Canadian sci-fi author, came up with the compelling, pithy and accurate Rule: "Nine-tenths of science fiction is Dog Buns!, but nine-tenth's of everything is Dog Buns!" because you can't have universal excellence, or nothing would be excellent.  This puts me in mind of Frederick the Great and his Rule:  "He who defends -" OW!
     <Mister Hand apologises for interfering, but we'd be here all night otherwise>
     Couldn't you have just - I dunno - cleared your throat, instead of applying the sharp end of a bamboo skewer?
     Right.
     Where was I?
     Oh, yes, Conrad = 1  Crossword = 0
Vindicated
     This is the Cryptic one, which I completed before getting to town on the bus, pause for a short trumpet serenade.  And look at those words:  ONUS; MARIONETTE; EXPRESSWAY.  The latter word not currently true of the 24, ensnared as it is in traffic at 7:40 a.m.  
     And the onus was on your gifted author, as I was early at the bus stop and a good thing too, as George Orwell's - see, we got there in the end! - Rule of 9/10ths was in evidence.  That is, 9 times out of 10 the chariot/stagecoach/locomotive/bus/hypervelocity stratospheric shuttle/giant mutant weasel* is late, but the other 1/10 it's early and you can't tell which is which.
     Actually I found out this isn't true - First Bus have jiggered the timetables about again, because - er - because - um -  because their millionaire admin staff have to justify their existence somehow?
     Oh, and the roadworks were still in place.  United Utilities heavy industrial plant was busy at work.
Image result for teaspoonImage result for eggcup
Seen here:  UU's excavation and transport vehicles in action.

Cyclamen
NO!  Nothing to do with bikers, either hairy of mien or as smooth as the cranium of Dean Jagger.  A flower, if you will.  Thanks to the Charm Offensive rules it's non-toxic, non-invasive, is mild in appearance and scent.  As to why it's here, why that's down to Oscar since the word popped up in Conrad's mind.
Wild cyclamens.jpg
Cyclamens.  Not setting the world on fire.
"Marionette"
I picked this up from the crossword, wondering where it came from.  It looks French.  A little digging, not even enough to unearth a cyclamen tuber, revealed that "Marion" is French for "Little Mary", the Virgin Mary apparently being an early hit with marionette makers.  I won't bother with a link to Wikipedia as some self-promoting pro-puppet pundit has propagandised yonder.  Nevrospastos indeed!
     Anyway, any excuse for THUNDERBIRDS!
Image result for grom emblemImage result for grom emblem

Ah.  Yes.  Polish.  Grom - Thunder and there's that Ptaki ("Bird")
     Anyway, any excuse for CAPTAIN SCARLET!
Image result for polish grom
Kapitan Szkarlat
     Okay, okay - any excuse for TORCHY THE BATTERY BOY!
Image result for torchy the battery boy
Somehow I don't think I got the better of this exchange
You What?
And, just as First Bus cannot be relied upon to move from A to B without going via T,G, 492 and Image result for greek xi symbol, so too, the Foobs cannot be trusted to come up with any sensible suggestions about where Conrad should find his entertainment.  Viz:
"Interested in trading?"
     How can I put this succinctly, accurately and in such a way that nobody will mis-interpret what I said?  Let me reprise the question:  Interested in trading?
NO!  NO I AM NOT! GO AWAY!  FAR AWAY!
There, that sums up my position.  Why the Foobs come up with this drivel I do not know.  I have never, ever expressed an interest in gambling, or trading, both of which appear to share salient features.

Conrad Is Watching
No!  Not you personally, I gave up the stalking long ago, after the injunction.  No, I meant an advert as seen in The Metro this morning, which alarmed and annoyed your humble scribe in equal measure.  Art?  Art, you sloven, put down that coal and get working!
Image result for dad's army poster
Hmmm.
     Conrad calls your attention to that header:  "The British Empire strikes back".  Now, this might be a shameless theft from that cult sci-fi fillum "The Empire Strikes Back", in which case slaps on the back and approving sniggers are fine.  On the other hand, it might be the signal for horrendous PC interference in history, in which case your humble scribe will turn into a pillar of fire 150 feet high and march on the film studio responsible.
     For one thing, the highest-scoring squadrons in the Battle of Britain were not British, they were Polish and the <Mister Hand intervenes for the sake of the children>

Oh, and here's Dean Jagger -
Image result for dean jagger
Just so we're clear

* That's the whole history of human transport there, from the earliest Egyptian dynasty to the post-apocalyptic wastelands of woe.


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