Ho ho ho.
In case you're wondering, Bat Masterson was a lawman of the Old West.
Bat Mitzvah has nothing to do with ten-gallon hats and gallant steeds - unless they arrive as party accessories - as it is rather a coming-of-age ceremony for Jewish girls. Conrad was unfamiliar with the term until yesterday, and is happier for it; I'd known about the Bar Mitzvah and felt a little aggrieved that Jewish boys alone got a big party.
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| It's got "Bat" in the title. Close enough |
First Bus - The War Of Nerves Continues*
Okay then, the 24 either didn't come at all or came so early that I not only missed it but it wasn't even visible all the way to downtown Royton. My alternative bus, the 182, was late. I suspect the 24 didn't travel at all as there were scads of schoolchildren waiting at each bus stop, nearly all of them wanting a weekly pass. So the 182 was slow, too. Then it encountered roadworks. Two lots of them in half a mile.
"What's next?" I thought ferociously to myself. "What could POSSIBLY occur next? Earthquake? Tsunami? Alien invasion?"
My real peeve on reaching work was that my ice cream had thawed into slush.
First Bus: on my list of organisations to destroy - excuse me - TO DESTROY UTTERLY! when my invasion fleet arrives.
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| First Bus's preferred mode of transport |
"Chink" by Lavinia Greacen
Now, none of you out there will know who Eric Dorman-Smith was, unless you're a
He got the nickname "Chink" because of his resemblance to the Northumberland Fusilier's mascot, Chinkara, an antelope, which had been left behind in India - his resemblance in that he had a narrow head and large ears, which seems a bit unkind. Although Chink didn't mind.
Rather more interestingly, he was a lifelong friend of the author Ernest Hemingway, which I didn't know, and several of Hemingway's principal characters were founded on Chink.
The word "Praeposters" also comes into play, and you know what a joyless old pedant Conrad is when encountering new words. It simply means an senior pupil, usually one who enjoyed bullying the junior boys, which is what made this country great!
No Longer Out
<sigh> a source of material for the blog is gone, gone forever.
Superheroes With Their Pants Down
Today, Captain America.
Put your tongues back in, ladies, BOOJUM! is strictly SFW. Metaphorical pants.
Okay, we've sketched in what Supes and Bats and Doctor Bruce Banner***have to avoid, Iron Man stroke Tony Stark too. What about Captain oh my Captain?
Poor Steve Rogers. He has to be a paragon of virtue, an absolute paragon, which means there's a whole slew of things he cannot do.
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| Like put the letter "C" on his cowl. |
1) No farting in public. Not because, as with Supes, this would break windows and eardrums, but because it's incredibly uncouth, and Cap is the very embodiment of couth.
2) Swear, or use SFW ejaculations in a louder than conversational tone.
3) Gesticulate rudely.
4) Appear intoxicated. He can get as stewed as he likes in private, but not, repeat NOT! in public. He has an image to maintain.
5) Associate with persons of loose moral fibre, including floozies, ne'erdowells and rapscallions.
6) Read the gutter press
7) Promote any commercial product. The IRS or Homeland Security is fine, but Rudy's Rutabaga Rib Rolls are off the menu^^.
Shakeshaft
I feel that this one has the potential to run for months and months, seeing how many plays and sonnets old Bill left to the world, the swine.
Today we pour the molten lead of parodical intent over a bit of Romeo and Juliet, about Montague and Capulet.
"Oh Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?"
He's down in the basement playing Subbuteo.
* With only slight apologies to Spectrum and Captain Scarlet. First Bus are far more evil than the Mysterons.
** Thank you, Sophie. Thank you sooooo much. Another way to empty my wallet.
*** Handy with a spanner!^
^ Sorry.
^^ Do you see what I - o you do.
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