Uncouth On The Loose!

I'm So Ashamed -
I left a spoon in the knife drawer.
     That's it for me and polite society; it's almost as bad as passing the port on the left hand side.  Nothing left for it but to go and join the Foreign Legion.



     I'm back!  They wouldn't have me.  "Not close enough to human," they said.
     O well.  Now, on with the motley!

"Tell Us, Conrad, Tell Us How You Keep Up Your Punishing Publication Schedule!"
Okay, no great secret about it - I cheat.

A splendid selection of stuff to scoff speedily

      Here you see my tea for tonight, which means I don't have to make it and I thus save valuable time*.  Meaning I can spend even longer composing tonight's nonsense.

Television Credits:  "Data Wrangler"
Saw this several times in the end credits of "Police Interceptors"**, which rather bothered me.  What is a data wrangler?  "X" wranglers are common enough on films and television, as they control animal performers on set, but data?  Dangerous, wild, out-of-control data that you have to beat back with a stick?  "It is a capital mistake to theorise without data," said Sherlock Holmes, who seemed pretty good at wrangling it himself, but he was probably armed with both fire-tongs and a revolver.
     Let's see what Google has to say.
     "Data wrangler: one who manually converts or maps raw data into a useful form".
     So now we all know.

"Sorry, but I can't be everywhere all the time."

The Twits At Twitter, The (Thinks) Kooks At Facebook
I'm so pleased these idiots exist, it gives me easy ammunition for the blog.
First, Facebook.  Take a look at what the Kooks suggest I might be interested in:

"5 Facts you should know about online casinos"  NO I SHOULDN'T!

     How the Dog Buns are these generated?  I have never expressed a desire to try gambling, let alone ONLINE gambling.  Away with you, you wretched cur!

A cur feeling a bit wretched, just for comparison

   Next we have what the Twits suggested:

"This is your time to become a pro."  OH NO IT ISN'T!

     "No option trader was born an expert".  Sir, I do not care if they were born, created in a test tube or emerged from the mud of the Nile***, I DO NOT CARE!  Also, the stock market is simply the world's biggest casino, see above for my opinion on these.
     What have these people been drinking!

The Metro
Just as a soldier looks to fire his weapon every so often, to ensure it's still working properly and the sights are zeroed-in, so Conrad has to return to malleting the Litter Tray Liner, just to keep his levels of venom up to scratch.  Today we have, not a snake in the grass but a snake on the sands, viz:

Cue for bad puns

     The chap who snapped this serpent is either extremely lucky or unlucky, depending on your perspective.  I have tramped over the wilds of this country for decades and have never encountered an adder.  They are, by all accounts, pretty rare, and normally slither off when they detect the approach of Hom. Sap.
     What I want to point out is the ludicrous comment the Chip Shop Wrapper added in: "Experts say walkers should leave the venemous snakes alone"
     OH DO YOU REALLY THINK SO!
     What else would they recommend?  "Put on a blindfold and play "chicken" with it", "grab it by the tail and swing it around"; "make friends and kiss it"; "drape it over your shoulders as a stylish fashion accessory".

 Philae, ESA And THE END OF THE WORLD!
The press are feverishly heaping plaudits upon ESA for the robot probe's return to life after being frozen in the dark for months.  The Beeb link for you:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-33135603

     THE BLIND FOOLS!  Can't they see how appallingly dangerous this precedent is?  This is not merely a ZOMBIE ROBOT, dead yet back in the land of the living - I have cracked the code!

Post Human Interceptor Leave All Extinct

     That damn robot is going to steer 67P right down out throats!
     Flee for the emergency underground bunkers while you still can!

I might have known.  Of COURSE Google has zombie robots if you search for them.

Brewer's Dictionary Of Phrase And Fable
This is a mighty tome indeed, clearly a major resource that I'm not quite sure what to do with - I used to generate blog titles with my old (and much inferior) phrase and fable dictionary, so if inspiration fails to strike I could always resort to random selections from Brewer's, though there would have to be a suffix to warn that the blog was only 99% original:  AIBB - Added Inspiration By Brewers.

Foreword by Terry Pratchett

     And one would also have to add a rider to the smart-arsed who would surely respond "Why Conrad!  Getting your inspiration out of a bottle of beer! How entirely like you."


Well, I did have another post about SWTPD, about Dr. Strange but I think I'll reserve that until tomorrow.
Which just so happens to be the second anniversary of the creation of BOOJUM!



* Valuable to me
** Permit me this guilty pleasure
*** The ancient Greeks believed this is where swallows came from.  Once again, "What have these people been drinking!"