It's Ben Stiller And His Killer Chinchilla!

There You Go - Three Rhymes In One

Don't say Conrad doesn't pull out all the stops for you, his audience.

     Well you can, actually, as we're not playing an organ here.

     Anyway, what was a little worrying yesterday has become - ah - more worrying.  Not yet at the level of Alert Level Tornado Black, send the PM to the Secret Underground Bunker*, bury the silverware in the back garden yet.  But on the way there.  See here:

93 hits!
Very small beer to you, no doubt, but BELLS AND WHISTLES to Conrad

      93 hits is the most BOOJUM!'s ever had in a single day, so allow me a bit of worried gloating as I ponder if too many people have gotten to like it, and if injunctions and libel suits are just around the corner. For the moment, however - 

Ain't got no trumpet so I'm ringing this bell

I Know, I Know
No mention of Ben and his rueful rodent.
     Well excuse me for living in the moment, I merely <Mister Hand intervenes to shorten a 3,000 word tirade about how wonderful Conrad is, and how dreadful the world> with a fish kettle.
     Okay!

Yes, his face is wonky**.

     I really have to rush this, I've got 8 other headings to post under -

Alright, it's not a Killer.  Still a King, though.

      Hang on - just found evidence of savage Chinchilla attack -

The gushers of blood have been Photoshopped out

"Chink" By Lavinia Greacen
Only thin literary pickings today, I'm afraid, as at this point Chink has been out in Egypt, India, Palestine and back to Egypt again, although he does meet Freya Stark

Starkers, as I bet she was called.

      And the word "Rechauffe" crops up, so Conrad, unfamiliar with the French, simply had to go look it up.  It means "a dish of warmed over remains from an earlier time".
     How very serendipitous - a working definition of BOOJUM!

Superheroes With Their Pants Down
No, Your Honour, the pants stay strictly up, it's purely a metaphor.  Er - except for Robin, who shows a lot of leg.  Male leg.  Strictly SFW male leg.  Plus I think he waxes.
     Anyway!  Today we focus on - Iron Man!

Eh?  He's come down in the world a bit

     Conrad has to confess not knowing a lot about Iron Man and/or Tony Stark, but then again lack of information has never been a particular problem of his, as witness pretty much any blog post over the past almost-two-years.
     Okay.  First off, why "Iron" Man?  Why not "Steel Man" - although that might clash a bit with the Man of Steel, you know, Supes - Superman - okay then, "Titanium Man" - okay, perhaps three syllables is a little long - "Molybdenum-Vanadium Alloy Man" is clearly out of the running, far too long.

Ah, go on, you knew this was coming.

     If we assume that the "Iron" part is literally correct, then certain consequences follow.
     Rust, for one thing.  Tony can't operate near the sea or in conditions of high humidity or moisture - cross the UK off his list of Places to Protect - or salinity,
     Magnetism - which means having to be very careful about any electrical equipment as they tend to have magnets as integral parts, especially engines.  So no operating near cars or planes or trains or ships.
     Shearing effects - iron is brittle by nature and if Tony wallops something hard, his suit is likely to shatter and fall apart.  So no hitting.
     Okay, now that we've reduced Iron Man to little more than a decorative suit of armour, what else follows?
     Weight!  Iron is heavy.  No crossing marble floors, nor shag-pile carpets either, or climbing wooden staircases.  Imagine the scene -

     Outraged Chic Beverly Hills Householder:  IRON MAN!  Look at my kitchen floor!
     Iron Man(sitting on a collapsed sofa): What?  What'd I do?
     OBHH:  There's a track of destroyed floor tiles from the back door to the hall - those tiles cost sixty dollars each!"

     IM: Oh, yeah, right.  Listen, I know this rich guy -
     OBHH: MY CARPET!  What did - there's a great big burnt patch!  What - what -
     I.M.:  Ah, yeah - you see, I was snagging on the textile so I used my repulsors 

"Oh, yeah, I was trying to boil the kettle, and - well - I missed."

     We shall draw a discreet veil around the rest of their exchange.

     Great Gadfrey!  We've hit 740 words.  Am I that verbose***?
     Okay, a little more verbal vim -

"Be The Batman"
Seen on a passing bus poster, Conrad recoiled a little, wondering if this was an advert for "Superman and Batman", as it seemed a little early.
     Relax, it's a computer game for an item called the PXS2 - something like that - and 

 - please note -

     - an entire absence of the ANNOYINGLY BRIGHTLY COLOURED PIXIE-BOOTED EG-BARING ROBIN.

     Thank you, that is all.

* Under the central motorway roundabout outside Milton Keynes, key under the doormat.

** Celebrate the wonk!  Symmetrical plastic surgery get out of here!  Go Ben!

*** DON'T ANSWER THAT QUESTION!