Coincidences, Like Buses, Come In Threes

Although Two Of These Are A Bit Dull
I suppose, were I into journalistic endeavours like the Metro, I would make up for that dullness by using a screamingly bright font in the largest size possible, add a random photo and a few unattributed quotes, pepper it with exclamation marks and pitch it 30 degrees out of true.
     But no!  Conrad is all about integrity, veracity and the truth above all things*.  So.
     Coincidence The First.  Dealing with a caller whose staff number was 3*9999, I generated a case number of 4*99*99, which is a whole lot of nines, and together they total 72.
     Yes, I did mention dull, didn't I?
     Coincidence The Second.  Taking a call from a Mrs. S Double-Barrelled, I ambled over to Hannah, to consult her.  There in the middle of her spreadsheet on an entirely different matter was - No!  Not Lord Lucan!  Mrs. S Double-Barrelled.
     If your heart can take the stimulation, let us move on.
     Coincidence The Third.  I reflexively opened Brewster's yesterday at Page 760** and read about "Kangol", a company name derived from "Silk", Angora" and "Wool", before realising I already had a blog title.  Today, in "Bleeding Edge", what do we hear mentioned but - Kangol caps.

 Those Of A Nervous Disposition - The Exit Door IS THAT WAY!
Okay, we will be rather following a martial streak for the next few posts, so if your idea of a wild time is making daisy chains, ironing a shirt just so,  or stirring the tea extra-specially hard, you might want to leave now and never come back.

Imposing, magisterial and respected.  There's a Tiger tank in the background, too

      That chap in jacket and tie is Professor Gary Sheffield***, a military historian of considerable renown, standing next to the director of Bovvington Tank Museum^.  Salute you, sir!  (Gazz- Professor Sheffield, that is).  He was kind enough to respond to some speculative Tweets from yours truly.
     Anyway.  Behind them you can see, to the left, an FV432, an old British tin-can designed to carry troops to the edge of battle.  This is relevant because converted FV432's were used as the German Tiger Tanks in "Saving Private Ryan".  However, that Tiger tank behind Ga- Professor Sheffield is the only working one in the world, and you will have seen it in the film "Fury", going through it's paces.

Avro XH554
Apologies for the jargon, but this is the registration of the UK's last flying Vulcan bomber, which has been making a farewell tour of the country.  I understand that the engines have reached their design lifetime limit; they can't be replaced because there aren't any replacements, so it's Bye Bye Big British Bomber.  Here's a Youtube link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNV4yv8N4mA

     Be advised - it is VERY loud; Vulcan's performing at airshows have been known to set off every alarm in the car park.  Apparently when the engines hit 97% power, they create a howl, which is probably the most terrifying sound you are ever likely to hear and remain alive after.
     Seeing a strategic bomber being flown and thrown around like a stunt kite is exhilarating, yet it doesn't give you any sense of scale.  Allow me:

Size: Freakin' ENORMOUS!

     Of course we the British public can look at the Vulcan and salute a noble old lady of the skies, but since this is 2015 not 1965 there are a lot of Russians here in the UK, and one wonders quite what they make of it ...

Well - obviously!
Allow me to post a screenshot:

Since the text is a little small for easy reading, allow me once again: "to knowingly cause the detonation of a nuclear weapon, for a test or any other reason, will be an offence -"

     O RLLY DYA THINK!

     This must have been dreamed up by a civil servant with legal qualifications seeking to justify his walnut escritoire, glamourous personal assistant, index-linked pension and ever-increasing salary.  "There's nothing in law to say that blowing up London with an H-bomb is illegal - Quick!  Draft legislation!  Phew, that'll stop 'em."

Blimey, we're cranking it out tonight.  800 words and nowhere near finished.  Better crack on!

Superheroes With Their Pants Down
I was going to begin with a screed that involved Westboro Baptist Church, a protest march and the San Francisco Gay Men's Choir, except that violates all the "NO!" criteria of BOOJUM! all at once.
     Anyway, continuing with the X-Men theme, we shall focus tonight on "Angel", the name given to mutant Warren Worthington, who has wings.

Cheaper than Ryanair, but carries less luggage

     One can see the interview that takes place with Professor Xavier.
Prof. X: So, young man, how can we -
Angel:  I've got WINGS!
Prof. X:  Yes, I can see that.  As I was -
Angel: I can FLY!
Prof X: The one does imply the other.  Perhaps -
Angel:  I've got WINGS and I can FLY!
Prof. X: Mister Worthington, what else can you do?
Angel: What, besides FLY with my WINGS?
Prof. X: Yes.
Angel: I can whittle a rabbit out of a block of wood.

See 1) below

Quite.  Anyway, what are the downsides to having a giant pair of wings sprouting from your back?
     1)  Confined spaces.  With wings unfurled, Angel takes up an awful lot of space.
     2)  Mites, ticks and lice.  Cleanliness, Warren, cleanliness!
     3) Hunters.  This is America^^.  Everyone has a gun.  Angel looks like a bird.  Do the math.  Bird shot, buck shot, all bad shot.
     4)  Territorial raptors.  Sam the Bald Eagle might take offence at this large, strange bird that has come trespassing into his aerial domain ...
     5)  Low-flying aircraft.  Angel is softer and bruises more easily than anything else in the air.
     6) The Federal Aviation Authority.  He isn't a bird so he must be a plane.  Therefore - TAXES!

"Look, I want to re-negotiate my landing fees."

       Hoorah!
I did worry about that Lychee Ice Cream I made last night, as it didn't thicken up in the ice-cream maker at all.  Would it merely sit and turn into semi-liquid slop in the freezer overnight?

No!

     As you can clearly see, that's a spoon standing up in the mix.  Which is cloyingly sweet, by the way, even for Conrad, so best eaten a little at a time.

* Mister Hand says "Who does he think he's kidding?"
* Just to ensure nobody can identify anything and no I'm not paranoid just careful
** I do hope you cross-check your 17th Edition with these page numbers.
*** Please!  Never "Gazzer"
^ What an awesome job.  Getting paid to muck about with tanks.
^^ Actually this is Royton, but you get my point.