Were I To Say "Gas"

You'd Probably Roll Your Eyes

And tut, whilst sucking your teeth (no mean achievement), then go on to complain that "Conrad is yarking on about Ruffian hydrocarbons again".  Then there'd be an insult or two thrown at Elevator Shoe Gimp and his penguin-impersonating henchmen - 

     Except today you'd be WRONG!

     Don't weep so, it's unbecoming, and you'll smear your mascara.  Art!

     Yes, that kind of gas, the poison one as invented by the Teutons during the First Unpleasantness.  You see British troops wearing their Brodie helmets and the Small Box Respirator, which gives the wearer a curious resemblance to a predatory insect.  Note the two chaps in the middle with Red Cross armbands, a device worn to hopefully prevent hostiles taking deliberate aim.

     The reason for rolling out this ghastly topic is because a question came up on Quora yesteryon:

How could the British have won World War I if they were not willing to use chemical weapons?

     Your Humble Scribe simply had to get his oar in here.

You are labouring under a misapprehension if you believe the British (and Commonwealth) did not use chemical weapons in WW1. They were extremely willing, but were coming from far behind Germany, with it’s enormous chemical industries that gave it an initial advantage.

The British ‘Special Brigade’ was a large unit of Royal Engineers who dealt exclusively with gas, principally in attack. They used it in ‘cloud’ attacks, in ‘beam’ attacks and with the Livens Projector by the thousand. Gas was also fired from light, medium and heavy mortars, as well as by all calibres of artillery. The British used a persistent lachrymatory gas dubbed “SKS”, which would contaminate dug outs, bunkers, tunnels etc. so severely they had to temporarily abandoned, as the concentration reached lethal levels. Whenever the Germans came up with a new gas the British would loudly proclaim about “The beastly Hun”, then go away and reverse engineer it. This is what happened with mustard gas, introduced by the Germans at Third Ypres in mid-1917. By September of 1918 the British were firing their own mustard gas shells back, to their immense satisfaction and the discomfiture of the Germans.

     Art!

     I recommended this work, as the officer who wrote it was in charge of the Royal Engineer's 'Special Brigade' that carried out British gas warfare, and whom quotes his very best chum Major Livens, whose aim was to reduce the expenditure of killing individual Teutons to a mere sixteen shillings.  Do not be deceived by  British sportsmanship in the games of cricket or rugby, they can be as utterly devious and diabolical as the most Machiavellian of  villains.  Art!

     The 51st Highland Division move into the attack, Somewhere In France.  I mention them because their divisional history describes a 'Gas Beam Attack'.  You or other readers would have a great deal of trouble looking up said event, because their Official History doesn't have an index.  Oooops!  Conrad, years back, went and did one for it.  Art!

     And in "British Weapons" we find -

     40 truck-loads of phosgene were run up on a light railway behind the HD's frontline positions when the wind was in the right direction, then all released simultaneously by an electrical trigger system.  For extra nastiness, this was done at night so the hapless Teutons didn't see the gas coming, over a narrow frontage of 500 yards. 

     The Royal Flying Corps went up once daylight arrived to inspect the damage, and reported 'a broad belt of discoloured grass showed that the beam had travelled some 4,000 - 5,000 yards into the enemy's country towards Douai.'  Art!

     That's a 'cloud' attack in daylight but gives an idea of what being on the receiving end of a beam attack would be like.

     We can be grateful that the only mass use of gas warfare was restricted to the Iran-Iraq war back in the Eighties, because as I always say, it puts the 'gas' in 'ghastly'.

     Quick!  Let us change subjects in an arbitrary and extreme fashion!

"Cakeable Of Events"

Conrad's ex-stable of compatriots at Sainsbo's were quite the palette of Hom. Sap. ranging from camp peacocks (Joshua looking at you) to strikingly attractive young ladies (no false modesty Manal) and taking in, amongst others, Leanne.  Leanne is one of those people who could, as I put it, have an adventure opening a tin of baked beans.

     Well, she recently opened a shop.  A bakery, to be specific, named - Art!

     It is located at 1 - 3 Fletcher Street, in Ashton, Tameside, Greater Manchester.  She is discovering all the additional roles and tasks that come into play when running a whole business from a real shop rather than your kitchen.  Art!

Leanne, not having an adventure

     I cannot attend at present, since my dog-sitting duties keep me bound to The Mansion by the furry ball-and-chain, but rest assured I will be hopping on the 409 to go inspect premises and products.  Dunno if they do gluten-free yet BUT Conrad doubts they'll manage a sugar-free cake.

     Wonder if I can pull off the "Give me free stuff 'cos I'm an influencer" scam?

Schadenfreude With Pictures

As you should surely know by now, Conrad is a terrible person who positively frolics in the misfortune of others, most especially when they deserve it (and they frequently deserve it).

     What is unusual is for us to have pictorial proof of the poison pudding, as we do today.

     The story is from Quora and concerns a catering manager who ran a Burger King at Sunset Esplanade in Hillsboro, Oregon; Original Poster informed that he'd raised the inspection rating to 98% from 50%, who had decades of experience in catering generally and whom was able to retain staff.  This is no mean feat in fast-food catering when so many staff are casual part-timers not looking to stay for more than a few months.  Art!

CAUTION! For illustrative purposes only

    OP might have trodden on a few toes, as he was shuffled out of his job in favour of what he called a 'snot-nosed punk', which sounds like nepotism at play.  SNP then fires OP 2 weeks later.

     THE NEXT DAY SNP rings OP begging for help over the phone in how to do what and when with whom - SNP came into the job knowing nothing about how to do it.

     OP then gleefully informs SNP that he's got OP's old job, he's welcome to it and he'll be getting exactly 0% help.  Art!

     

12 weeks later -

     The branch goes under 3 months later, so badly that it is permanently closed down, all 45 staff are laid off and the premises are sold to Chase Bank.  Art!

     There you go, sorry no photos available.

"City In The SKy"

The Doctor was half-expecting skull-duggery whilst strolling about apparently unawares, yet has been taken by surprise.  After all, what can possibly go wrong on a stroll around town?

     ‘Hmm. Interesting.  Pack hunting instincts.  Most unusual.’  He didn’t recognise the species, which might be a result of local mutations, evolution being driven faster than normal thanks to the presence of radioactive isotopes in the food chain.  Recognisable or not, they still had the air of being hunters, hunters and killers, carnivores.  Hungry carnivores.

     The line of spiders advanced, herding him back into a corner.  Discretion being the better part of valour, the Doctor tried calling for help – and realised the shed’s glass didn’t transmit sound very well, if at all.

     One spider, slightly in advance of the others, ducked down and he recognised it was about to jump.

 

INTERPOSIT FOUR:

     One reason the two American spheres had managed rapid construction, an equally rapid enpopulation and lengthy survival had been adherence to a fairly strict military organisation, which still remained formal and rigid after two generations.  A Shadow Cabinet still existed, and the hereditary Vice President still carried the authority of the old, pre-Crash United States.  Their Texan “Carlsbad Crew”, as the stiff humour aboard Washington dubbed it, had thawed under the influence of weather, fresh air, natural water and no worrying about whether their living space would stop rotating or not.  Thanks to the prototype laser defence grid, a great deal more of the United State’s infrastructure survived intact than anyone had expected.  The problems now were maintenance, as The Phage had so severely thinned surviving populations.

     O, a cliff-hanger!  How thoroughly unsporting of me.

O Ho Ho

Okay, that's it, time's up for Sam Bankman-Fried.  You may recall us going over the carcass of FTX, his scamble crypto-currency exchange, which was placed into receivership earlier this year.  Art!

SBF trying to look his smartest

     He's just been found guilty and is potentially looking at 110 years in prison, meaning his library books will have a bit of a fine to pay.

     One line in passing struck Conrad, given how deliberately obtuse, intermingled and complex the FTX web of companies were - most of the stolen funds have been recovered.  This is perhaps due to 3 of the other main criminals copping plea deals; they might have been instructed to explain where funds were hidden.  Or it could have been an extensive forensic audit, which Conrad would like to read about if it happened.  Or - is that just me?  

Finally -

Edna and I experienced a chilly yet bright and sunny morning walk today, for only the second time in fourteen trots.  Conrad has long maintained that he doesn't care how cold it gets as long as it's not raining.

     And with that we are so very very done, Vulnavia.