The Stupid! It Infects!

Are You Sitting Comfortably?

Then we shall beguine, for Lo! this Intro is a wild and woolly wander whither the wisterias, because I couldn't think of a dance move that was also a flower.

     Okay, as we should surely know by now, Your Humble Scribe is heavily into zombie films and Far Eastern culture, both of which intersect in a Netflix opus from Japan, about the nation of Nippon over-run by zombies not-alives.

    <Please ignore any screen artefacts such as anomalous bright spots, reflections and Black Mirror allusions>

     Art!

    "Zom 100: Bucket List Of The Dead" for those of you with poor eyesight.  A Japanese zombie film, that Conrad has only just finished watching and which you are now going to get the benefit of.  Because if I've endured it, you are going to as well.  You fortunate folks. Art!

   
     Akira, our Everyman protagonist, is a corporate drone employed as a cog in a Tokyo office, working 19 hour days thirty-one days a month, yes even those days with only thirty appended to them.  He is essentially a modern-day slave, ground down between the wheels of commerce.

     Then something wonderful happens.  The Zombie Apocalypse.

     Er - yes, you and I might not agree that this is an Excellent Upward Promotional Opportunity, but Aki has found a reason for living and leaving.  Art!

     I know this looks like an exploding jellyfish combat across the home galaxy, but it's actually Akira setting off fireworks in celebration of - ah - er - absolutely nothing.  Doing because he can.  Certainly NOT to call attention to the fact that there's a survivor lurking in Tokyo, because you never see a single soldier, policeman or helicopter.  Art!

     Here is the root of the problem with this film.  Akira, hearing a cry for help outside, goes to help.  Armed with a bottle of sauce.  Did he arm himself with a baseball bat?  Axe?  Length of scaffold pole?  Of course not, that would be sensible!

     You see, Conrad has a theory.  We never get an explanation of how this zombie outbreak started, so I shall contend that it was airborne.  Also released at the same time was another virus - The Stupid Virus.  It's the only solution that makes sense.  Art!

     This is one of only two times you see a person wielding a weapon.  Miss Shizuka is carrying a collapsible baton, which is barely viable against the ravening undead, but it is at least a weapon.  She obviously got a lesser dose of The Stupid Virus.  Art!

     Here Akira proves that he can think clearly, if given an hour or two, because YES! he is wearing defensive equipment. Don't get complacent, he's still pretty stupid.  Art!

     This bus must have driven through an especially thick pocket of The Stupid Virus, and the driver had to almost be huffing it from the original lab container.  They were supposedly trying to get to an aquarium, when they encounter the road block above.

     Were this you or I, gentle reader, we'd reverse out of there and seek an alternate route.

     However, these are victims of The Stupid Virus.  The sensible thing to do would be to sit tight, so of course - obviously! - they open the doors and get off the bus.  Art!

     Straight into the arms of the CLEARLY VISIBLE ZOMBIES.  Let me emphasise that a little more, just to get the point across.  CLEARLY VISIBLE ZOMBIES.  These hapless victims of The Stupid Virus don't bother to ditch their luggage and run for shelter, they drag or carry heavy rucksacks and suitcases, in order to - er - in order to - actually the point escapes me.  Unlike the passengers.  Art!

     This one was tricky to get a shot of; I've enlarged it because it's the second and last time anyone uses a weapon against a zombie, the passenger - note encumbering backpack - has snatched up a pickaxe and slams it into Mister Zombie's innards.  That's it, we never see anything else refer to it.  Art!

     Our trio of heroes have just escaped from this shop and the three zombies within, and obviously - of course! - they don't bother to pull down the shutter, thus allowing all three zombies to get out and pursue them.  If there was a "Take a shot every time a character commits a stupid act" rule in play here, you'd be spifflicated by now.  Art!

     En route to the supposedly-safe aquarium, which is alleged to have 'defences' in place to keep it secured from zombies.  Four home-made spike-strips?  Conrad is making a wild supposition here but doubts these will keep a zombie horde at bay.  But what do I know?  Art!

     There are so many things wrong with this short scene.  You can see the 'looter-deterrent' pack of zombies, lured away from the open gate by a chap using a loudspeaker.  In zombie films, we call this a 'Chekhov's Gun Moment' because it will surely come back to bite them on the collective bottom.  And it does.  Note how none of these guards are armed, and there's only one sliding barrer, no lighting for night watch, not even any barbed wire.  Art!

     This is a little unclear, so allow me to add a clearer picture.  Art!

     This is one of the aquarium sharks, which, having dined upon zombies, has become a zombie itself.  The legs of it's victims allow it to become land-mobile, and the reason this has never cropped up in our previous BOOJUM! references to land-mobile sharks is that "Zom 100" was only released this year.  Art!

     Hmmmmm another blurry one.  Art!

     That's Akira in a shark-bite proof suit, and the upper photo shows him fending off the zombie shark, once again WITHOUT A WEAPON.

     The film ends shortly afterwards, happily for everyone, and still without us seeing a single policeman, soldier or helicopter.  Overall it's not a bad film, but the last part goes on far too long and that thing about no weapons - Art!

       Wow, that was a wibble and a half.  We need to balance it with a bit of text, and I know just the thing.

"City In The Sky"

The Doctor has been rescued from the jaws - more properly, gnashing mandibles - of death in another trademark narrow escape.

     ‘Billy Barakan.  Here to learn how to run a forge and foundry.’  And he shook the proffered hand.

     ‘Ah, the metal-working trades.  Billy, could I trouble you to keep this incident quiet?’

     ‘What!’ came the startled response.  ‘Man, you gotta be kidding!  That was attempted murder - ’

     ‘Yes, I know, and since it didn’t succeed I think the culprit will try again.  I’d much rather he took a crack at me than at Alex.’

     A solid thump came from the cattle shed as a spider hurled itself at the glass beside them, making it rattle.  Billy gestured them further away before starting to walk.

     ‘Don’t worry, they’re cannibals.  They’ll eat each other.  Any left will fry in the sun.’  He stared at the little man in the odd suit.  ‘Why do you want people to try and murder you?’

     Excellent! mused the Timelord.  Billy had almost accepted that this assassination attempt needed to be kept a secret.  Almost.

     ‘Oh, I don’t.  Not really.  But it acts as an excellent confirmation that my suspicions are correct, because if I worry someone enough to merit murder, I’m on the right track.  I only need to stay alive for a couple more days, besides.’

     Ah yes, what's forty-eight hours to a murderer and victim?     

Another Photo-Op From The BBC

This one is on the theme of 'Circles', so without further ado - Art!

Courtesy Molly Mae Bergum

     I've put this one up as Extra-Large as otherwise it's a bit difficult to spot the frog.

"The War Illustrated"

More illos from Edition 182.  Art!

     Again, although this edition is dated 9th June 1944, there is very little content about D-Day, and this page shows photographs from Italy, where "Smiling" Albert Kesselring was the overall Teuton commander.  Known as such because he was such an eternal optimist.  For a Luftwaffe commander, he was a pretty dab hand at ground warfare.  The top picture shows British and Indian troops waiting in a ditch; note the Sikh soldiers who deem putting on a helmet as showing what a pansy you are.  That mobile bush in the inset is actually a heavily-camouflaged Sherman tank - you can tell by the bogies and drive wheel.  At bottom an incautious soldier is standing upright in the most numerous armoured vehicle of the Second Unpleasantness, a Bren Carrier.

Finally -

I started this last night, and cracked on with it early this morning, which is why 1) It's so long (all quality stuff though) and 2) It's out early.

     Later, pilgrims!