Space

DON'T Expect That Voice-Over

Because this isn't about that kind of space, and no, I'm not going to wheel on a picture of a certain star-ship blamming away with fazers and futon torpedoes, although I think I can shoe-horn in a bit of Hawkwind, if Art will put down his plate of coking coal.

     Conrad has never been quite sure why there's a couple of giant yellow rats on the cover of this album.  Perhaps that hoary old sci-fi chestnut, STAR RATS?  Conrad had the vinyl version and wasn't that struck, I am never very keen on live albums and this one is from their Bleep And Bloop synthesiser phase, when they were controlled with oscilloscopes, before keyboards came in.  In the st

     ANYWAY that's not what I wanted to yark on about today.  I meant 'space' in terms of having lots of elbow room, or leg room, or generally room to spread oneself about in.  The word has a Latin root which I can't be bothered to go into detail about, ha!  Art?

     A slightly different sort of map.  Note the sheer size of North America, and how large Canuckistan is, in addition to how large Alaska is in comparison to the rest of South Canada.  It's the least-densely populated South Canadian state, I believe with a population of less than a million, whom are outnumbered two to one by polar bears*.

     What does all this lead up to?  Why, another tale of manglement and malicious compliance, of course.  The Original Poster was very coy and cautious about exactly who his employer was, because he still works there, but does mention dollars as the national specie, so it was in North America, and the Bottom-Hole Boss sounds like a boastful greedy South Canadian, so we shall leave it at that.  Art!

     This might be OP's government offices.  He said that his department had various offices located "all over the state", which is where 'space' comes in, as South Canadian states are the size of European nations.  There is that aphorism about a South Canadian getting up at seven in the morning at home in Texas, driving all day and going to sleep in a motel - which was still in Texas.  Art!

Yeah truly

OP, for example, worked in a city over two and a half hours train ride from their HQ.  Say at least a hundred and fifty miles.  Not normally an issue, until the Stairway To Heaven phenomenon struck.  This is where a manager is so good they get promoted, or more likely snatched gleefully, out of their own organisation because they are so good.

     This left a power vacuum, into which was swept - Dave.  Dave was the BHB mentioned above.  His previous experience was in the world of banking BITE YOUR TONGUE CONRAD BITE YOUR TONGUE and his attitude is betrayed by the quote that his team of "lazy public servants" was going to be "whipped into shape" by none other than he.

     O boy.  Art!

     So, Dave orders everyone to be in the office at 08:00 the next day for a face-to-face meeting, so he can demonstrate his management skills/boast/bully <delete where applicable>.  Various concerns were raised by his new staff, all of which he ignored, merely repeating "08:00 tomorrow".

     Cue malicious compliance from OP and colleagues.  You see, OP and all his colleagues were in a union.  Not only that, they all knew exactly what to claim for this 'emergency' meeting: train tickets, taxi fare, overnight accommodation, breakfast, lunch and evening meal expenses. Art!

     The meeting was a complete waste of time, consisting of Dave boasting about how wonderful he was for nine hours, interspersed with insults about civil servants.

     Dave paid $6,000 in expenses for his all-day in-person Davefest and found, to his mingled surprise and disgust, that all his staff were union and he didn't have any grounds to reject their claims.

     There were no more in-person face-to-face Davefests.

In fact after 6 months there was no more Dave, either.  He resigned and went back to his banking job.  One feels those lazy public servants were far too shrewd (and unionised) to permit his shenanigans.

     Space!

Sorry, couldn't resist

A Bigger Bang

If you have a long memory, unfazed by either gin or old age, then you may recall Conrad's coverage of Perfidious Albion's Tallboy and Grand Slam bombs of Second Unpleasantness vintage.  These were monster pieces of ordnance designed and used to attack point targets difficult to hit with normal bombs.  Art!

     Grandy came in at ten tons and needed a specially-adapted Lancaster to carry it.  Upon release the aircraft leapt 150 yards higher thanks to the weight loss.  

     Of course - obviously! - the South Canadians could not stand to be upstaged by Perfidious Albion.  O no.  They had to go one better.  Art!

T-12 with puny human child for scale

     This absolute Chad of a weapon came in at almost 20 tons and could only be lofted by the equally monstrous South Canadian B-36 bomber, which is said to be able to carry two of them.  Art!

B-36 with puny human adults for scale

     Yes yes yes, this is an airborne monster carrying two airborne monsters, except they were never actually used, HA!

"The War Illustrated"

You may have noticed that there weren't many pictures from the last issue, which is because it had lots of Sinister pictures and photographs, and I'm not allowing more than a few of their miserable representations on the blog DUE TO CURRENT AFFAIRS.  If you don't like it or disagree, then THE EXIT DOOR IS THAT WAY.

      A contrast in transport.  From pre-Biblical to as state-of-the-art as could being June 1944.  I know, I know, I was as surprised as you are that D-Day didn't feature on the cover, as the publication date is 09/06/1944.  However, remember that these things are printed with a two-week delay thanks to technology and a desire to maintain Operational Security.  Don't worry, we'll get back to this.

"City In The Sky"

How very coincidental - just as Terry is describing the horrendous Hunting Spiders, which are every arachnophobes very worst fear come to hairy life, the Doctor is facing a whole pack of them, trapped in a glass shed with no exit.  Eeek.

CHAPTER TEN: The Main Thing

      That first spider, bolder or greedier than others flanking it, flicked itself from the hard-packed earth of the cattle shed, flying with horrifying speed directly at the Doctor’s torso at chest-height.

     - where it hit the slightly yielding surface of a rapidly erected umbrella, bouncing off and landing yards away, upside down, undignified and scrabbling to regain it’s correct posture.

     Fifteen-love, chortled the Doctor to himself, before rapidly sobering at the sight of a dozen other huge spiders still waiting to kill him.  They remained safely distant; he wondered for a second why they didn’t merely swarm attack and swamp him en masse, and if the sonic screwdriver might repel them.  At the first sign of movement, another spider came leaping at him.

     This time the monster arachnid hit the umbrella’s tip and impaled itself fimly.  A disgusted Doctor had to kick it free.  The twitching body fell amongst the other spiders, which enthusiastically fell upon it, draining it dry in seconds before turning back to him.

     ‘Hey!’ came a shout from the suddenly opened shed doors, attracting the attention of both Timelord and spiders.  A slew of glowing coals came sailing in from the doorway, hurled from a bucket and scattering across the interior of the shed, forcing the hunting pack to scatter as well.  Needing no invitation and with his umbrella as a shield, the Doctor danced nimbly across the glowing debris (plus one spider that came too close) and darted out of the doorway before a young Aboriginal man slammed the glass doors closed, putting the retaining baulk back in place.  A pair of nursery children clung to the young man’s trousers, looking upset.

   

Small Beginnings

Last night Your Humble Scribe actually began the first move of the first scenario in the boardgame "Siege", which is a major accomplishment for me; usually I just arrange all the counters, unfold the maps, goggle at them for a while and then leave them out for a month or two before packing them all away again.  Art!

     It's a little unclear here, but a hostile party are attempting to get into the castle over the drawbridge, whilst a cordial dinner in the keep has become an armed brawl.  The defenders are outnumbered two-to-one, so they'd better get that drawbridge up quick smart.  This scenario is to introduce movement, archery, hand-to-hand combat and ending up dead on the cold stony flags.  Watch this -

     Which is where we came in.

Finally -

I am frantically typing this up whilst bolting Tuesday's Stew and trying not to look out of the window, as the environs of The Mansion are miserably depressing.  Greyness overall.

*  Perhaps