If I Were To Say "Hercules"

Then I Could Predict What Would Go Through Your Minds

NO!  I keep telling you, I returned the D.A.R.P.A. Telepathy Helmet Prototype ages ago, it was a long-term borrow, not theft, and so what if it looked as if it had been taken apart and re-assembled?  Prototypes, you know, not known for a polished finish.  Art!

     What I meant was that your fervent imaginations and febrile minds would automatically jump to the wrong conclusion, because you are predictable and we are not.  Go on, admit it.  Art!

     Here we have Kevin Spongebo (or similar), showing off his physique as 'Hercules' and Conrad wonders what the percentage of viewers split by gender was?  Just curious as I've never seen it - Your Humble Scribe rather doubts it would manifest any accuracy with the mythical character.  Art!

     The Disney version, back when they made films that people went to see and which didn't cost $550 million before publicity and advertising <memo to self about not being catty>.  I have seen this version, and liked how they made the adolescent Herky out as a hopelessly clumsy oaf, yet still awesomely strong, which created a lot of awkward situations.  Art!

Errrmm yes.  Quite

     I think we'll move swiftly on from that one.

     No, you see, you're being much too limited and restrained in your expectations, and rather than thinking of a figure from Greek mythology, you need to be thinking, rather, about NUCLEAR-CAPABLE SURFACE TO AIR MISSILES!

     Art!

     Ladies and gentlemen and those unsure, allow me to introduce the Nike Hercules MIM-14, an icon of the Cold War.  This was a supersonic interceptor intended to home in on encroaching fleets of Ruffian bombers, and turn them into instant sunshine.  Let me bore you with technical details.  It tipped the scales at 5 tons (none of that metric nonsense here!), was 41 feet PROUD IMPERIAL FEET long, and could accelerate up to Mach 3.65, or 2,800 m.p.h.  Since it could hit targets at 100,000 feet height (or 19 miles) and at a range of 75 miles, Nike Herky would be reaching out to say hello in about 2 minutes from launch.  Art!

Dramatic!

     Thanks to safety concerns, NH went into service with solid rocket boosters and main engine, making it far safer than -

     Let us backtrack a little.  Herky went into service in 1958, as a result of research and development carried out by the South Canadian Army.  Art!

     Now, who hated the South Canadian Army with the passion of a thousand supernovae?  Why yes, the South Canadian Air Force, of course!  They had their own nuclear-tipped interceptor design, the BOMARC, which we have already covered elsewhere.  It was nowhere near ready for deployment when Nikey got rolled out to bases everywhere, which inspired levels of jealous vindictiveness more appropriate to a bunch of teenaged drama queens.  The two services very publicly slagged each other off, by which point the South Canadian Navy (and probably the Sinisters) were doubtless consuming buckets of popcorn and looking on in horrified fascination.  Art!

     

This made the Air Force glow with rage

     The spiky Nikey also proved able to counter, to a limited extent, short-range ballistic missiles, something completely beyond the scope or capability of BOMARC and which must have left the Air Force generals chewing the carpet.  Or frothing at the mouth.  One of the two.

     By the early Seventies Nikey was reaching the point of obsolescence, though it continued in a reduced role until the early Eighties, long after the BOMARC was a distant memory.

     There was going to be more about the boosted-fission W31 warhead that the Nike Hercules hauled ass with, but that would double the Intro's length and probably simultaneously bore and scare readers, so maybe at a later date.

     Because I'm a charitable chap, I would like to credit the Nike Historical Society with the missile pictures here, along with some of the stats.  

Nike Historical Society (nikemissile.org)

     That's their link, should you wish to know more.  Art!

     Hmmm - no, don't cringe, Art, that's an interesting counter-factual we may come back to at a later date.  In fact, have a plate of coal.

Amidst The Chaos Of The Day

I think that's a track from the soundtrack of - Dog Buns, what's the film, it's got a villainous Gary Oldman and Val Kilmer and Dennis Hopper and Christian Walker - fnorp it, I'll have to go look it up now.  Hang on -

     "True Romance"!  I've got the soundtrack going in the background now.  One of Hans Zimmer's finest.

     ANYWAY what I meant to say is that there is a happy story today.  All 41 of the Indian miners trapped for 17 days were rescued safe and sound.  Art!

In Contrast -

We have, on occasion, mentioned and pictured one Kyrylo Budanov, the saturnine and stony-faced Ukrainian who is the top dog in their Ministry Of Defence's Intelligence organisation.  Art!

     The Ruffians fear and hate him; they have already tried to assassinate him five times, unsuccessfully unless they were successful and the Ukes merely bring another clone out of the deep freeze and they seem to have gotten desperate, as they have now poisoned a group of people that includes his wife.

     Ooops.

     

     Yes, they got 'Hopeful' wrong.  Conrad wonders if this bloke will remain professional about the Fun-Sized Foot Fiddler giving permission to murder his wife, or whether a lot of Ruffians will start throwing themselves out of windows after swigging a pot of polonium tea and shooting themselves in the back of the head twenty-seven times.

     This is real-life, after all, not a James Bond film.  But if the gloves are off ...

"City In The Sky"

The Doctor is coralling a distinctly peaky Alex the morning after their arrival in Australia.

     Beating a path to the front door and freedom with his hat, the Doctor tugged Alex after him. 

     ‘All in good time!’ he called over a shoulder, running headlong into Mike.

     ‘Blimey, you do attract trouble, doncha?’ said an exasperated Assistant Mayor.  ‘Your lad looks a bit peaky.’

     ‘Didn’t sleep well,’ mumbled Alex.  Truth be told, his head throbbed and pulsed and he’d have given a great deal to get medical attention from Arc One’s medical specialists. 

     Any pursuit had been delayed by cooked breakfast’s arrival in the hotel, allowing them to steal away around the corner and towards the town hall, where they promptly ran into another group of coastal travellers led by Don, who looked unamused.

     ‘Are you making trouble!’ he asked, looking directly at Mike.

     A chorus of questions immediately arose from the new arrivals, all bar one individual who looked distinctly different from the other worn but well-ordered denim-clad horsemen.  His clothes were ragged and dirty, he clutched a long staff and his eyes wobbled oddly in their sockets.

     Ah – one of the Wanderers, no doubt, calculated the Timelord, casting back to what Officer Kane had hinted at.  The mentally-ill, or those unable to adapt to the post-Big Crash world.

     What was that phrase about being sincere yet completely mistaken?

     Yes, "Amidst The Chaos Of The Day" is playing right now!

Colour Conrad Confused

Your Humble Scribe has been graced with a few 'Likes' over on Twitter - no way is a dinosaur like myself going to change names at this point - including one that 1) I don't remember posting and 2) Don't know what it refers to.  Let me illustrate the point.  Art!

      It's true that the accordion brings splendour to any music it accompanies, but what was I reacting to?  Is there some arcane mumbo-jumbo I can perform to reverse-comment and find out what I was blathering about?

     Maybe not.

Finally -

I should point out that this is Thursday's blog, being mostly done on a Tuesday and given a bit of polish on Wednesday, just so we're clear.  And, on that subject, the morning skies are incredibly clear; bright blue and cloudless.  A welcome break from a series of soggy days.  The downside to this is that it's Dog Buns! freezing and I already have my heated mittens on - and am scoffing porridge.  Porridge made with soya milk left over from the ice cream making, which takes a bit of getting used to.

     Ah yes, the ice cream - full of ice crystals.  Either not enough vodka in the mix or it wasn't churned for long enough.  And not really apt for this time of year.  O well.